A Mother's Pride

Chapter 16

My mother and I have been meeting up a lot recently. I have been hustling some cash so that I can take her out to lunch every other day. We have been catching up, although half of the things that I told her are lies. Okay maybe like seventy five percent of the things I told her. What choice did I have?

Uhm...to tell the truth from the start. The voice in my head sasses me and I ignore it.

The last meeting we had, she told me that dad had passed on two years ago. She tried to act okay but I could see that it was still an open wound, she blinked the tears away and as for me, I failed at the task. I broke into tears the moment she told me.

"If you are here, where is dad?" I asked, with hope that she will say that he is still alive for me to see him.

She let out a huge sigh, as though she had been keeping it in for a while. Her eyes grew glossy and I could see that something was wrong.

My mother had always been the best at hiding pain and I think that's what she was trying to do but she failed miserably this time. She likes acting strong, like she can conquer any sort of pain thrown at her, well, she can but sometimes even the strongest people need a break, they need to rest and they need to let out all the emotions that they have been keeping in.

"Ma?"

"Your dad..." She paused and moved her eyes away from me, as though some bad memory was creeping into her mind. She breathed heavily and finished the glass of juice that was in front of her.

"Your dad passed on two years ago." I gasped in shock and felt my chest tighten. My breathing got shaky.

I swallowed the lump created down my throat and balled my fists. The one thing that I had feared happened.

Regret and disappointment dominated my emotions. I was not there to say goodbye and we were kind of on bad terms when I last saw him. I failed to blink the tears away, I thought I did a good job until I tasted salty water when I grazed my tongue on my bottom lip. Every time I tightened my fists, my lip quivered. I hoped she would say she was joking but that moment never came.

I felt empty for a while as her words echoed in my mind. I wiped the tear away and tried to picture my dad's face, but nothing came.

Dad was a very strong man, what could have killed him? I thought.

There was an unsettling, full-of-tense silence between us and the atmosphere suddenly felt thicker. I swear I stopped breathing for a couple of seconds.

My dad was my best friend. I was closer to him than I was to my mom. Mainly because he found Science interesting as well.

My dad was a carpenter and I would watch him work when I was a little girl. Before my scientist dream, I wanted to be like my dad, be a carpenter.

I remember one day I came home running and crying to him and told him that some girls at school were laughing at me for wanting to do a "man's job."

"Society has their own criteria for everything and if you follow it, you will never be happy, you will never discover your true talents and abilities."

I do not think at that time, I understood what he meant.

"Society will tell you how to live, how and what to eat, how to walk, where to work, how to dress, the kind of body you are supposed to have and if you listen, do you know what that means?"

I shook my head as fast as I could.

"That means you are letting society live your life for you. You cannot limit yourself according to what society tells you is right. You will go insane Momo. "

I was flipping eleven, do you think I understood his logic?

"If you want to do something, do it. And whatever society has to say about it, ignore it. If you want to be a carpenter like daddy, then be a carpenter, if that will add onto your happiness then go for it. If that's what you really want, then why not? I mean, it is your life after all and nobody should tell you how to live it. And there are no gender titles on jobs. Whoever can do whatever job."

Okay that I understood, but I still asked, "How come you never became a nurse or something like that?"

"Because I am in love with carpenting. I have always wanted to do it and it is where my passion lies, and if my passion lied within nursing, I would definitely do it."

And just like that, I felt better. He always said the right things at the right time. And not once in my life did we ever have conflict.

The fact that he is gone just made me regret leaving. I cannot believe I deprived myself off time to spend with my loved ones. I cannot live with myself knowing that my dad is no more and I could have been there to spend each and every day with him before he died.

"Momo, are you okay?"

"Uh...yea, I am. Can you, can you take me to see his grave sometime? And do you like, have pictures of him just before he passed on?" Another tear slid down and my breathing became shaky.

"I'm sorry mom."

"It's okay Momo. It's all in the past okay? Do not beat yourself up."

"How can I not when I messed up like this? What was I even thinking?"

"You did what made you happy at the time, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. And you were a teenager, teenage fever was probably messing with your head and you had no control over it."

How could someone be so understanding? Especially after I broke her heart like that. If I were her, I would want nothing to do with me.

"I did mom, and even though he made me happy, you guys were supposed to come first. I acted very irresponsibly."

"Stop Momo, stop please. At least your life turned out okay."

I cleared my throat and shifted uncomfortably in my seat. Even though mom understands or is trying to act like she understands, I will never forgive myself for what I did to them. That was stupid and unreasonable and no teenager should ever act like that, whether it's teenage fever or peer pressure. Nobody should ever come between you and your parents, ever!