Nada

The Good, Old Days

"Oh." There was dead silence for about ten seconds and then that was all Namjoon managed to muster. They were all trying to process her last words, but to Y/N it looked like they were rethinking their friendship. Or whatever this was. Her shoulders sagged. She had been stupid to even entertain a fleeting thought that they'd want to know the whole story after hearing that.

But then Hoseok's arm slid around her shoulders, gently pulling her against him, and Jin's hand patted her knee.

"When you say cult....what do you mean? You mean grab you off the streets and hold you hostage unless you give them money? That kind of cult?" Yoongi finally asked for all of them. Y/N smiled wanly.

"No, I think that's a Korean thing." She paused, trying to gather her thoughts. To explain. It wasn't something she told people often and sometimes, if you don't talk about something, it's hard to explain in words the impressions you see in your head when someone finally asks.

"It's not usually classified as one because the leadership is pretty decentralized. But they do still have contact with each other and are pretty good at attacking and ostracizing anyone who disagrees with them. There's a lot of control. I couldn't listen to pop music growing up. I always had to wear skirts. Have long hair. You could get in pretty big trouble if a boy had lustful thoughts for you. We had three church services on Sunday and two during the week. They actually disagree on a lot of things. They argue about a lot of religious stuff and most of them couldn't last in each others' churches for more than couple services." Y/N paused and took a deep breath. This hurt. It wasn't her reality anymore but to have wasted so much time in something like this....it still hurt all these years later.  To the others, it now made sense why she so adamently avoided anything to do with skirts or dresses.

"But there's one thing that binds them together. They are really focused on subjugating women. My education was focused on preparing me to be married off as soon as legally possible and just enough so I could teach my own kids readin', 'ritin', and 'rithmatic." Y/N didn't even think when she altered her voice, adding a twang to the last several words.

"I was reminded every day how men were in charge and how useless women were and how God created us to help them and give them anything they wanted. If you ask these people if they hate women or view them as less than men they'll deny it. But all you have to do is look at their actions." Her voice dropped to a whisper. "They may justify it all they want but their actions.....their actions show what they really think." Her voice went back to normal and she shook herself slightly. She couldn't let herself spin out and get lost. That wasn't her anymore.

"I was really lucky. My grandmother didn't buy any of their bullshit and my parents felt obligated to keep her in our lives, even though she disagreed with their beliefs. So she had access to me, to my sisters. She didn't say much but I knew growing up I wanted to go to college. And it's probably why I struggled so much with what I was being taught. She showed me just a little bit of what life outside could be like. Enough that I would ask questions." Y/N grinned wryly.

"I scandalized everybody. Declared I wanted to go to college. I might not've if...." She paused and to Hoseok's surprise reached up and gripped the hand he had resting on her shoulder. He soothingly rubbed her thumb as she continued.

"Marriage happened early so guys and girls becoming interested in each other was normal. I was actually unusual. When I turned 18, I had guy friends but I wasn't involved with any romantically. I was probably closest to Mordecai and he found my questions and ideas intriguing. There was a lot of backlash when I announced I was going to get a college degree. He supported me. We really bucked the trends, we'd hang out without being chaperoned. Mordecai was a guy and he knew his religion pretty well. I did too but I was a girl so...." She shrugged.

"He was able to argue for a little bit more freedom. Make it seem like it didn't threaten everything. I felt really lucky to have him on my side. It was a year later that he and his family moved across the country to do some ministry work with other churches. But we were still together and people knowing that I was his meant I was mostly left alone when I finally enrolled." Hoseok really did not like how she so casually referred to herself as Mordecai's.

"Mordecai proposed a year later, he had to do it over video chat because his parents didn't want to spend the money to fly him back to do it in person. They were really against him and I being together in person. I guess they caught on that we weren't as chaste as they wanted us to be when we were together. It was hard but I wasn't worried because I knew I'd finish my degree in two years and then I could move out and marry him."

"But something happened."