Nada

Crazy

"And 5, 6, 7, 8....." Their right feet came down and they stopped as the music faded. Hoseok smiled. Perfect. They were going to nail this and wow the judges. "Excellent." Y/N smiled but it didn't fully reach her eyes. For the past couple of days he'd felt....like something was off. Like there was a distance between them. Normally Y/N would beam at his praises, he could be very critical when it came to dance, which made his praise all the more treasured. So to him this just confirmed that something was up. But then he second guessed himself. Maybe she was just tired, he'd really been pushing her during practice.

"Are you ready?" He asked when they'd gathered their stuff. She nodded and opened the door with him following behind, taking a moment appreciate the view.

-

"Told ya you'd pass." Jungkook teased as they sat playing Monopoly.

"I know, I know..." Hoseok stuck his tongue out as he waited for his turn. Y/N walked back into the living room with two beers, handing one to Jimin and taking a sip from hers. Hoseok scooted back slightly and spread his legs, patting between them. She stepped over Yoongi to get to him and settled down between them, Hoseok's arms wrapping around her torso and his chin resting on her shoulder so he could see the board.

"So cute." Jungkook teased and Hoseok just smirked and kissed her cheek.

"Hey, I know you both have been busy but have you had a chance to go out with everything going on?" Y/N would never know where that question had come from, why Jimin was suddenly curious. Maybe because it was unusual for two people to be so close and not have officially gone on a date yet. But Hoseok didn't miss how she immediately stiffened in his arms and he frowned, not liking the sudden tension he felt in her muscles.

"Oh yes, between my finals and practice I've totally had time to take her to the amusement park." He said sarcastically. "But I'll fix that." He whispered in her ear. She didn't respond.

"Why does it have to be you, Y/N, why don't you take your poor, overworked boyfriend out?" Jin had just meant to tease, honest to goodness. He'd expected a sarcastic retort about how she was busy too, maybe even a lecture on why he was 'expecting' her to do the work. So the sudden silence was unexpected and drew everyone's attention, causing him to look up. "Y/N....?" His voice suddenly sounded unsure, like he was realizing he'd somehow managed to put his foot in his mouth. Y/N was looking down, her finger poking the carpet.

They couldn't see the weight sitting on her heart. They didn't know how she had been beating herself up the past couple days. How she scolded herself for her feelings and tried to shove them down, only to have them pop up again. She felt horrible for feeling horrible. She told herself it shouldn't matter. It wasn't a big deal. She was being silly and emotional. The whole thing made her feel insecure, and then she felt bad for it. She felt insecure because she felt like she was being overemotional and making a big deal out of nothing. Insecure because she was questioning her motives, surely she should've thought about how tired Hoseok would be? Insecure because there was that tiny voice still in the back of her mind that had tormented her years ago, complaining that she was too pushy and demanding. She should've left it up to him, let him decide when the time was right for him.

The silence stretched on.

"Y/N?" Jimin asked, concern filling his voice as he ducked his head down to try and see her face. A little hard seeing as he was sitting opposite from them. Hoseok lifted his head and pulled her back, trying to see her face as well but she kept it positioned so he couldn't. Which annoyed him. And concerned him.

"I tried." She finally said simply. She felt stupid for saying that. Admitting her failure in front of everyone. She shook herself and sat up straight, pasting a fake smile on her face. She was overreacting. Why did she care so much about something so stupid?

Hoseok blanked. He couldn't remember her ever asking him to go on a date with her.

"What, no you haven't." Her smile fell. He wasn't trying to argue but he was genuinely confused. To her though, to her heart which had been twisting in on itself and fighting itself and completely obstructing her objectivity, it felt like an accusation. It felt like she was being judged, asked why she didn't care enough about him and why she thought her efforts were enough.

"Yeah I did but I....I picked a bad time...." Her voice shook and she mumbled something about the bathroom before standing up, stepping over Yoongi again, and leaving. Yoongi promptly turned his head and fixed Hoseok with a glare.

"Okay, spill it. What did you do?" Hoseok held up his hands in mock surrender.

"I haven't done anything! She's never asked me to go on a date with her, I swear."

"Maybe she.....didn't tell you?" Jimin proposed hesitantly.

"Why...."

"You know how she is. She gets focused on something and little details slip by her. She probably forgot to actually tell you what it was." Taehyung said, reminding him of one of her little quirks.

"Okay but...." He glanced in the direction of the bathroom. Why did she seem so upset?

"God, you're a dumbass." Yoongi helpfully answered his unspoken question. Hoseok glared at him. "She just recently had her whole past dug up and dumped in her lap, which means any insecurities or harsh words are in her recent memory again. You know she prides herself on being logical so she's probably beating herself up for feeling them again and hasn't talked to you because...well I don't know what specific insecurity that might be."

"Crazy."

"Wha?" Hoseok remembered the question she'd asked him right after Mordecai appeared in person. Of all the things to ask him, to say to him, she had wondered if he thought she was crazy.

"She's afraid I won't take her seriously." Hoseok got up and knocked on the bathroom door but got no response. He sighed and thumped his forehead against the door.