Nada

True Freedom

A/N: Hey, guys. Just a gentle reminder, if you can stay home please do so and if you can't please minimize contact with others and wash your hands as much as possible. I know it seems like common sense but I have people I've considered friends essentially telling me it's okay to risk the lives of my grandparents and younger siblings "for the economy".  That scares me, more than the cases here did. Please don't be calloused about the lives of others, even if you yourself only risk a slight fever. Don't panic but be considerate.

The problem was, coming back was no longer under Y/N's control. She'd run until her lungs couldn't take it anymore, then she'd walked to the subway and taken it to her favorite spot. Her attire drew looks but she didn't care. She didn't care about anything right now except the stabbing pain in her heart. She didn't see the calm eyes following her, confidently trailing her every step.

Seoul Forest was big but she had found a little hideout some time ago, one that kept her hidden in the trees. That's where she sat and bawled, cursing herself for her stupidity. It wasn't entirely rational, her reaction. She didn't actually have a problem per say with those words. How much sex someone had didn't matter. But in the heat of the moment when she was completely open to her lover, it felt like shame. Condemnation. Those words had been hurled at her and whispered behind her back. They were a way to degrade her, convince her that something else about her made her worthless in the eyes of men. She had opened herself up to a man and he had abandoned her, left her to those accusations. Hearing them from strangers is one thing, hearing them from someone whose opinion you value is completely different.

To her she had allowed herself to trust, she had believed, she had fallen, and once again the blindfold was cruelly ripped from her eyes and the true monster underneath was displayed. She couldn't trust anyone. She didn't get to. This was denied her.

Her sobs were the reason she didn't hear the footsteps approaching. Her first inkling that something was wrong was when she felt a splitting pain in the back of her head, knocking her down and causing her to see stars. She rolled to her back, telling herself to get up, to defend, but another pain to the side of her head and all she saw was blackness.

-

When Y/N woke up, her head hurt really badly and she didn't feel that well. She groaned and tried opening her eyes but it was hard to focus.

"Took you long enough." The voice was hard and merciless and instantly the fogginess in her brain cleared. She looked up into Mordecai's face. He was grinning.

She was bound to a chair and her hands were tied behind her back. She tested the restraints to see if she could work them off but he'd tied them well. He had been a Boy Scout after all.

"W-What do you want?" Her throat was dry and parched so it was hard to speak at first.

"I want you to apologize, admit you're wrong, and come back home with me." There was a pause as Y/N tried to shove the panic in her chest down at his words. Just the thought of going back, however improbable, terrified her. She set her jaw.

"No."

"Who do you think you are?!" it was like a switch had flipped and he was in her face, screaming. "You're nothing but a stupid, rebellious slut! You think education has done anything for you?! You think it makes you better than me?! It's all a facade, you'd be nothing without me!" Y/N felt herself slipping back into old habits, making herself small, just hoping to get through this.

"And I'm so nice and offer you a chance at redemption and you turn your nose up at it! You go and whore yourself out! You dress to make men look at you, I'll bet you just loooooooooove the attention." He said darkly. "You went and had sex with another man. I can see from the way he touches you, you gave him what he wanted." He grinned maliciously. "And you're stupid because now he has no reason to stay with you." There was a part of Y/N's heart that felt his words were right but she was still angry. Angry because only she should be able to say that. He didn't get to come into her life and say that.

"You don't own me, Mordecai! Stop acting like a self-righteous pharisee! How am I a slut when you're here chasing me and your wife's back at home?! The woman you left me for?! You lost your claim on me when you betrayed me!" He glared at her and slapped her across the face. It hurt. But Y/N wasn't sorry for one word.

"I repented. You haven't."

"If you've repented then you shouldn't be here you should be home with her."

"Stop acting like you're better at theology than me, YOU'RE NOT!" Y/N lost it. She had nothing to lose anymore. She was tired of being quiet, tired of not saying anything out of fear of giving him what he wanted.

"Oh yeah?! WELL THEN WHY DON'T YOU FUCKING ACT LIKE IT AND REFUTE ME FOR ONCE!" He slapped her again but Y/N grinned. "You always called me stupid, you have always reminded me how intelligent you are. But you never answer my arguments, you distract! And you know what that means?" Her voice dropped and he glared down at her, waiting for her to pronounce her own doom. "That means you have no leg to stand on, it means you can't argue. It means. I'm. Right." His lips tightened but then he smiled slightly, stepping back.

"You have a choice. You can come back with me, take your place, and repent. Or you can die. Think carefully." She didn't need to. She'd known what her answer would be for a long time now. One time, after they first became friends, Namjoon had asked her what her biggest fear was. She'd almost responded with death but then stopped and thought about it. And she'd realized that was no longer true. She was afraid of losing who she was, of losing her freedom. That was her biggest fear.

So despite her pounding head and aching arms, Y/N squared her shoulders and held her chin up high.  She could read him and tell, there would be no coming back from this.

"I choose death."

Mordecai looked surprised but shrugged.

"Fine. You were a waste of my time anyway." He shot back, turning his back. Y/N waited but he pulled out no knife, no gun, no nothing.

"You threaten to kill me and you don't do it?" She asked when a couple seconds went by and he kept his back turned. He turned around and smirked.

"The human body can live without water for three days. And you've already been deprived for 24 hours." He clicked his tongue and shook his head patronizingly. "Enjoy hell, Y/N." For the first time Y/N noticed the high ceiling and the rusty steel.  She was in a warehouse.  Abandoned it looked like.  Probably in an area where few people wandered.

Mordecai turned and walked out a side door, closing the door firmly behind him. It echoed and then....nothing.

Now that he was gone Y/N allowed herself to slump and her eyes to close. Her heart was hammering wildly at their confrontation. She felt proud of herself for standing up, figuratively, for not putting up with his bullshit anymore. It may cost her her life but she was truly free, finally.