He Loves Me

Chapter Twenty-nine

Ryan's POV
"Ryan!" Grant yells as he runs over to me and stops what I'm doing.

"Ryan what are you doing?! Are you insane?" he asks as he tackles me on to his bed. I begin to cry my eyes out. He has his arms wrapped around me.

"I don't want to be alive anymore, Grant. Life isn't for me"

"Yes Ryan. Life is for you. I'm not letting you do this"

"Please Grant. It would be better this way"

"No. Don't say that, Ryan"

We lay on his bed for a very long time. I cry my eyes out while he holds me. About three hours go by when I finally talk again.

"Grant, can I tell you something?"

"Of course, Ryan. You can tell me anything"

"I love you"

"I know, Ryan. I love you too. I know you mean love as in you have feelings for me"

"How do you know?"

"I just do. I'm ok with it"

"Are you sure. You're not weirded out by it?"

"Not at all. I'm glad you feel this way" Grant lifts my head up and looks at me.

"Ryan, do you want a boyfriend?" I nod.

"I'll be your boyfriend"

"You will? You're straight though"

"Yes. I will. Until you find someone who is gay and you want to be with. Me being straight doesn't matter. I want to be your happiness"

"This is ok with you?"

"More than ok"

"I love you, Grant"

"I love you too, Ryan" Grant leans in and kisses me. I kiss back. 

"Grant. Can we have sex?"

"Yes we can, baby"

I wake up the next morning. This happens every year on this day. I lay in bed for a while. Evan is still asleep. It's the weekend. We both have that off. Thank god. It's a dreary rainy morning. I lay there for a while listening to the rain and thinking about the dream I just had. Eventually Evan wakes up. He smiles at me when he wakes. I smile back.

"Good morning, Ryan" Evan says with a smile.

"Good morning, baby" I say back quietly.

"You ok, Ryan? You look a little sad about something" he says.

"I'm fine" I say back quietly.

"You don't look fine. Is something bothering you?" he asks.

"Don't worry about me, baby. I'm ok" I say.

The rest of the day I'm really quiet. I'm quiet in the shower, I'm quiet when we eat, I'm quiet when we sit in bed. Evan has been asking to make sure that I'm ok. I keep telling that I am but I'm quiet about it. I really don't want to talk about it but I know that Evan is going to keep asking me about it. I've never told anyone this story. Only Grant and I know. His parents know too. I'm also not sure how Evan would react when I told him.

"Ryan. You've been quiet all day. Normally you always talk to me. Something is bothering you. Please tell me what it is. I want to help. I want to make you feel better. Did I do something to upset you?" he says.

"Evan. I have to be honest with you. I'm so glad that you're my boyfriend and I love you with all my heart and I've always wanted you. You didn't do anything. But I have to be honest. I actually had a boyfriend before we started going out" I tell him.

"You did? Who?" he asks.

"Grant" I say.

"You and Grant dated?" he asks.

"Well...not really...but kind of" I tell him.

"I don't get it" Evan says back.

"It's a long story" I say.

"I have time" Evan says.

"Alright. Here it is. I was 16. I had just came out to my parents and they kicked me out of the house. I then moved in with Grant and his family. They gladly welcomed me. I had a huge crush on him during the time. He and his family had helped me move in to their house. It was a rough few days after that. I began to feel worthless and like my life had no meaning. I got really depressed after that. I've been quiet all day today because three years ago today I........I actually tried to take my own life" he says looking down at the bed.

"Ryan. You...you tried to take your own life?" Evan asks.

"Yes. I did" I say.

"What happened after that?" Evan asks.

Grant walked in on me trying to hang myself from his fan. He ran over to me and stopped what I was doing. We both fell on his bed and I sobbed in his arms for three hours after that. After I calmed down, I finally told him that I had a huge crush on him and he asked if I wanted a boyfriend and I said yes. That night, we...we had sex. After, he said that we would be boyfriends until I found someone else who was gay. I thought that day would never come but then I met you. I love you, Evan. I really do. Please never think that I don't. I'll always love you" I say holding his hand.

Evan has tears running down his face "Ryan. Please tell me you don't want to take your own life anymore" he says hugging me.

"No. Not at all. I've been very happy ever since we started going out" I say back.

"When did you and Grant stop being boyfriends?" Evan asks.

"When I asked you to be my boyfriend. Grant and I dated, we slept together, we lived together, we kissed, we did all the things people in relationships do. We were together until the day I asked you to be my boyfriend. Believe me though, Grant is as straight as they come. I love you" I tell him.

"Is that why Grant is such a huge LGBT supporter?" Evan asks.

"Yes. But he always has been though" I say back. Evan and I sit in my bed for a while. We kiss and hold hands. So thankful that we have each other.

"Ryan. You're happy with where you are in life now, right?" Evan asks.

"I couldn't be happier. It's all because of you. You have made me realize how incredible life can be. You've showed me that the world is full of such wonderful things. I've learned so much from you. You make me know what it's like to be really happy" he says.

We sit on my bed for a while. Evan has his head on my shoulder. I love him with all my heart. I couldn't have asked for a more amazing boyfriend. I've loved him for so long and now he's finally all mine. I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with him.

"You know what, Ryan. Tonight is going to be different" Evan says.

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"You always comfort me when I'm sad. You've always tried to seem so strong for me. Tonight, I'm going to comfort you" Evan says.

Evan wraps his arms around me. We sit in bed for a while. Eventually I put my head on his chest. He wraps his arms around me. This feels so good. I've always imagined me doing this with Evan but never him doing it to me. He's so incredible.