Vixen (Bts Gang AU)

Living Nightmares

There was a sudden loud knock on the door and I startled awake. "What the fuck?" I mutter, pressing a hand to my forehead with a groan. "Just a minute!" I call and make my way to the fridge, searching around aimlessly before settling on a bottle of beer. I pop the cap and take a sip before walking to the door and opening it up. "Awe look, it's you." I mutter, frowning at Jin and tipping the bottle back and taking another sip. "What do you want, I'm trying to drown out my life with alcohol." I sigh and lean against the door frame, crossing my arms over my chest.

"Can we talk inside?" He asks and I roll my eyes, stepping inside and letting him follow. He shuts the door as I sit on the arm on the couch, crossing my legs and taking the gun out of the holster on my thigh and throwing it on the coffee table. "Jinnie, look I'm sorry okay?" He says and I shrug my shoulders, looking towards the door. "What are you sorry for? I was the one who lied to all of your faces, but here you are telling me you're sorry. Isn't that ironic?" I sigh and tip back the bottle again.

"Are you drunk?" He asks and I look over at him. "Depends. I was drunk last night and now I don't know anymore. Funny, I don't seem to know anything anymore." I giggle and Jin takes the bottle from my hands slowly. "I just don't want you to get alcohol poisoning." He says and I roll my eyes with a groan. "That would be more pleasant than my life." I huff and wrap my arms around my torso, avoiding looking at him. "I'm worried for you Jinnie." He says and slides a little closer to me and I roll my eyes again.

"Well save yourself the trouble. I'm gonna die sooner or later and when it happens if you hate me it'll be like a tiny victory. God I hope it's sooner instead of later." I close my eyes and tilt my head up, wishing that maybe I'd just stop breathing right then and there. "You sounded depressed." He grabs one of my hands and I startle, jumping away from him. "Jin just stay back okay? I don't want you to get hurt when I screw up again. I can't lose more people I love, so if I let go now maybe it won't hurt as bad." I say, walking backwards away from him.

"Jinnie look, whatever happened was a mistake, everybody makes mistakes." He says and I groan, throwing my head back. "That's what you don't get. It was many mistakes, too many to count anymore. All of them followed up with a polite smile to your faces like I actually didn't give a fuck." I sigh and run my hands through my hair. "But that's where the real problem starts. I do care. There I said it, I fucking care." I lean back against the wall and bury my face in my hands.

"I care about you, Jimin, Jungkook, Taehyung, Yoongi, Hoseok and even Joon. And even though you all probably hate me I still care. What is wrong with me?" I hear my voice crack at the end of the sentence and suddenly feel warm arms around me. For once I lean into the embrace, putting all my weight on him and breaking out in tears. Sobs wrack my body and all he does is gently stroke my hair and every so often kiss my forehead. "It's okay Jinnie, you're fine." He whispers and before I know what's happening he wraps his hands around the back of my thighs and hoists me into the air.

I wrap my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck as I bury my face in his chest. He carries me back to the couch and sits down, he doesn't even flinch at the fact I'm sitting on his lap. I can't remember the last time I cried, the last time I ever actually let myself feel emotional about anything. "You don't seem to notice but we care too. A lot Jinnie. You might not want to be but you're Bulletproof. And Bangtan is family to us." He says and I only cry harder, putting my face in my hands.

"But that's still the problem. I can't do family. Anyone I get emotionally attached to gets professionally screwed over." I whine, I feel like a mess right now and probably look like one. "You can let us in." He tries and I shake my head. "I can't. You don't understand but I can't. It's not how I'm made. I'm already too close." I try and wipe my eyes but the tears haven't stopped flowing quite yet. "When I get emotionally involved that's when everything falls apart. My life is made of lies. And you can't build a relationship on lies." I plead, trying to get my point across.

"Our entire operation is a lie. All of us are made up of lies. I can't even remember who I was before, but it doesn't matter anymore." He says and takes my hands in his. "We are entirely fucked up and probably dysfunctional but we're not us without you anymore Jinnie. Without you we're just a few undercover drug dealers, a hacker and a guy who likes to order everyone around." I giggle and feel a smile work it's way onto my face. "So what are you with me?" I ask softly, not quite sure I even want the answer. "We're a team, a family. But mainly still a few undercover drug dealers, a hacker, a guy who likes to order everyone around, and a badass assassin." I laugh softly, shaking my head back and forth slowly. "I think we're all idiots." I manage to say in between spurts of laughter. "Well yeah, we're definitely that too." Jin pulls me into a hug and for once I don't hesitate to return it.

"I want to say yes. To come back and act like nothing happened but it did and I can't fix it." I sigh softly, hanging my head. "If this is about what Suga said he actually didn't mean it. He was upset and it just came out without any actual thought." Jin says and I slowly get up, moving away from him. "Somewhere in his concious thought he did mean it, but that's not the point." I shake my head and pick up the gun on the table, putting it back in the holster. "I've screwed up too many times to be forgiven so easily. When you all truly forgive me, for everything I've done, come by. Until then I'm going to be Vixen again." I say and he sighs, standing up and walking to the door.

"I hope I'm back sooner than you think." He says and leaves, closing the door behind him. The silence is deafening and I slowly sink to the ground, looking around like the answer would be in my endless emotional mess of a heart and that I could somehow see it in the air. Sadly, with no avail, I decided that there was no point in moping around anymore. It was time to get to work, Vixen was back in business and she was prepared to be more ruthless than ever.