Namjin Oneshots (Smut/ Fluff)

Secrets

Sometimes we keep secrets to protect the ones we love, to ensure their happiness, but sometimes it backfires, and you end up hurting them more than you intended to. Secrets can either build or destroy, but some particular secrets do both.

Namjoon p.o.v

   I have a secret. A secret that I'm ashamed of. It would destroy me if it ever got out. I'd lose everything and everyone who ever loved me. No one can ever know, I can't ever let anyone know. Something like this makes me hate myself everyday. I would be hated by anyone who ever came in contact with me, even those who don't know me. They would all hate me. 

What could possibly be so bad, you ask? What could be the dark, sinister secret that would destroy my very being if it ever came out of the dark and into the light of everyone's eyes? 

Well,  I think I'm gay. I think I'm gay and I think I'm in love with a man. Isn't that awful? I had to be born the sin of the earth. A disappointment to everyone who comes in contact with me. Something from every parent's darkest nightmare. My mother and father have always envisioned me with a beautiful bride to spend my adult life with well into my elderly years. They would never accept a handsome groom taking the place of that beautiful bride. 

Suddenly, I'm pulled out of dark, sad thoughts when I heard a soft voice talking to me. I turned my head slightly to be met with luscious, plump lips, the sweet voice accompanied with those gorgeous lips spoke again.

Third person p.o.v

"Joonie, are you awake? I'm hungry." The voice whispered into Namjoon's ear. 

Namjoon felt his chest tighten slightly. He didn't want to open his eyes, didn't want his slumber to end where he was safe from his reality. He didn't want to face it anymore. He did, however, end up opening his eyes fully after a few more seconds, his face being a few inches away from his forbidden lover, Kim Seokjin. Well, he wasn't actually Namjoon's lover. He was gay, something I could never be, but I was in love with him, something I couldn't do. 

Namjoon stretch my arms slightly before turning to Seokjin. "Yeah Jinnie? What do you want for breakfast?" He asked pulling the older slightly closer towards him. He had spent the night at Namjoon's house the night before, and he was only sleeping in his bed because he didn't want him to be uncomfortable on the floor. That's a totally normal,  not gay thing to do. 

Seokjin giggled, that beautiful sound he made when he was feeling shy. "I want...." he tapped the bottom of his lips as he thought, an action that made Namjoon's eyes wander and stare longer than he wanted to. "I want some waffles with whipped cream and hot chocolate." he smiled. 

Namjoon widened his eyes. "You want me to make all that? That's a fire waiting to happen. I have cereal that's a little less dangerous to make." he said with a small smile as the man laying across from him puffed his cheeks and pouted.

"Then I'll make it. That's just what I want. You can watch if you feel like it." Seokjin said getting up from the bed and beginning to walk towards Namjoon's bedroom door.

Namjoon sat up, his eyes glued to Seokjin's ass, the way his pajama pants hugged the curve in just the right way so that he got the best outline and image imaginable. Namjoon realized what he was doing and snapped himself out of it immediately, smacking his face with his hands. "Namjoon stop. You are not gay. Stop it." he muttered under his breath. He decided to finally get out of bed and follow the older to the kitchen, where he was already beginning to put together the batter for the waffles. "Looks like you've been busy." he chuckled resting his head on his hyung's broad shoulder. 

Seokjin smiled. "Yeah, no thanks to you, lazy ass." his smile faded after a few seconds. "Hey Joonie? We've been friends for years now right? And you would never hide anything from me?"

Namjoon was blindsided by the sudden interrogation. "Um, yeah. Why do you ask? What could you think I'm possibly hiding from you?"

Seokjin turned around and leaned slightly closer to the younger. "I could think of a few things." He inched closer. "I know you love me. It's kind of obvious from the way you act around me. It's okay, I feel the same way. I've been waiting forever for this moment." he smiled widely, connecting his plump lips to Namjoon's slightly parted ones in a soft, tender kiss.

Namjoon didn't know what to do. He wasn't in love with Seokjin. He wasn't gay. He couldn't be. But...he enjoyed the older presence so much. He felt things he's never felt around anyone ever before. But he wasn't gay.

Namjoon pushed the older away harshly, making him slam against the countertop. "What the fuck is wrong with you?! I'm not gay! I'm not a sin like you! I don't love you and I never will!" he didn't stop. Deep down he knew what he was saying wasn't true. But he had to keep the secret hidden. "I'm not like you! I'm not a disgrace to humanity! I won't be like you! I won't!" 

*smack*

Seokjin stood there stunned, enraged and engulfed with sadness by the younger's outburst about who he was and something he couldn't control. He let his emotions take over, his hand flying across the youngers face, hitting hit hard. 

Namjoon held his stinging cheek, it beginning to bleed a bit from where Seokjin's fingernails tore the skin from the harsh slap. He looked into the older's eyes, only to see them gloss over, tears falling each second afterwards. The tears were because of him. He instantly regretted everything. He felt like his heart was being torn out of chest and stomped on right in front of him, like his whole life world was crumbling before him. In a way, it was.

Seokjin stood there a few seconds more, self hatred sinking in from the youngers words. He had been called a sin all of his life because of his sexuality, and hearing it from the on the loved was too much to bear. He looked the younger dead in the eyes as he choked out a few more words before turning away and running out of the front door, getting as far away as. he could.

"Kim Namjoon, I hate you."

______________________

A/N

Omg guys I'm back after a very long hiatus xD. Did you miss me? I decided to come back with a little bit of angst for y'all. Enjoy! I hope it's good considering I haven't written here in soooooo long. I think I might make this a two parter as well. Let me know what you guys think!

Byebye~