Off Record [Ereri/Riren] ✓

17 ⚕︎Distraction ✍︎

Off Record
Chapter 17
⚕︎Distraction ✍︎
Levi

dis·trac·tion

/dəˈstrakSH(ə)n/

noun

a thing that prevents someone from giving full attention to something else.

I lied. I don't know why I did it, but I did.

What does love even feel like? I don't know. Do I actually love Eren? Probably not, but he doesn't need to know that. It's the thought that counts and after seeing how much I was affecting him, I decided to further humor him. Eventually, he'll be discharged from my care and he'll leave without a measly goodbye.

That's how it's always been.

They come, I help them, they leave. It's a vicious cycle, but it's somewhat rewarding. It puts food on the table and keeps my electricity and air conditioning on. Eren is just another cog in the machine that never stops. I'm willing to play house with him if it'll keep him calm. It's just for one to a few hours a day and not having sex with other people will just save me money.

Maybe I can buy a new car. That would be nice. I might get a car and some cleaning supplies.

I don't think that Eren loves me and I don't care because the feeling is mutual. Eren is simply in love with the thought of me. He's built me up in his head as this perfect being, but I'm not; I'm just as broken and insane as he is.

My sandwich tastes like cardboard and I haven't slept in three weeks, but I've gotten more cleaning done, so I can't really complain. The office that I call my own has this deafening silence that I just can't shake.

Perhaps I'll see Jaeger.

I leave my office, throwing my lunch in the wastebasket. By now, I can get to Eren's room with my eyes closed. I don't know what it means and I'm too apathetic to care. As I get closer and closer to the solitary containment room, I try to get more and more into character for him. This is what he needs and I'll give it to him as long as he doesn't lose my interest.

"Oi." I open the door and see Ryder and Eren playing cards. 

Both heads turn towards me.

"Doctor!" Ryder exclaims. "I didn't know you were scheduled, um, I can clean up and be out of your hair in a minute."

"I'm twenty minutes early. I can just come back. It's best that the patient sees other people. He'll start to feel isolated if it's just me. You also have a nice, approachable attitude. It'll help keep him somewhat sane." I make eye contact with Eren for a split second.

"We're done anyway." Eren says, showing Ryder his winning hand.

"It's really no problem." I'm now looking at the nurse.

"I feel awkward." Ryder announces. "So I'm just going to leave." He collects the cards and pushes past me.

"Lynne needs your help with a new patient," I call.

Ryder turns around to go the other way. "Yes, Doctor!"

I wave even though he's long gone. Hopefully he won't be scared of Lynne. I'm not exactly sure how much they've interacted. They're both good eggs, so it shouldn't be a problem.

"Hey." Eren smiles.

"Hi."

"Are you gonna come in or just stare at me?"

I roll my eyes and come in and sit down on the chair that I almost always bring in.

"So," Eren rests his chin on his fist. "How are you going to psychoanalyze me today?"