Off Record [Ereri/Riren] ✓

36 ⚕︎Distraught✍︎

Off Record
Chapter 36
⚕︎Distraught✍︎
Eren

dis·traught

/dəˈstrôt/

Adjective

deeply upset and agitated

I feel the sweat drip from my brow as I hit the bag, releasing all of my pent up anger, my hatred, my sadness, my fear. All of it is being taken from my heart and transferred to this inanimate object. Titan and I used to take our emotions out on other people, we'd pick fights and throw curses and hurt whomever happened to be around at the time.

Levi and Lynne had shown me that I didn't need to do that, they'd shown me that there was a better way.

"You're getting stronger." Lynne compliments.

I don't feel strong. I feel weak. I feel so weak and helpless. I haven't known Isabel long, but she's already a part of my new family. I want to help her. I want to protect her.

I want to save her.

But I can't. I'm useless. She was hurt and I don't have the power to heal her wounds.

She's only four years old.

I slam my fist into the bag and cry out. Lynne walks over and grabs my wrist before I can take another swing.

"Stop." She orders. "You're hurt. Let me see."

I sigh and lower my arms and begin to unravel to protective wrappings. "I'm fucking fine."

"No," she yanks my wrist and I wince. "You're fucking not, Eren."

She moves my wrist around and tells me to rate the pain. I begrudgingly cooperate and after a minute she tells me that I've sprained my wrist.

"You're a dumbass, you know that?" she snaps and drops my hand so she can motion for Ryder to come over. "You know how to fucking throw a punch. What made you fuck up like that?"

I stare at my wrist blankly. "It's nothing."

Ryder reaches us and looks at my wrist.

"I think it's sprained." Lynne tells him.

He nods. "It definitely is. I'll go patch him up."

Lynne nods and points an accusing finger at me. "Don't make it worse!" she snaps.

I nod and allow Ryder to lead me out of the gym and into the infirmary. I've only been in here once, the day Levi hurt me. It's not a pleasant memory and I try to push it out of my mind. It's funny how the only memories I can find to replace it are with him. My happiest memories are with him.

"You were distracted." Ryder whispers softly, pulling me out of my thoughts. He brings over an ace bandage and carefully begins wrapping my wrist. "I could tell. That's why you messed up the punch."

"Yeah," I agree. "So?"

He looks up curiously. "What were you thinking about?"

I pause, searching Ryder's eyes for a motive. I can't find one. I look down. "I wasn't thinking about anything."

"You know I have to report this."

Levi will not be happy.

"I know."

Ryder finishes the wrapping and secures it. He then takes me back to my room. He pauses in the doorway before leaving.

"You know you can talk to me, right Eren?"