Off Record [Ereri/Riren] ✓

28 ⚕︎Impulsive ✍︎

Off Record
Chapter 28
⚕︎Impulsive ✍︎
Eren

im·pul·sive

/imˈpəlsiv/

adjective

acting or done without forethought.

"He's perfect, Carla."

"Do you have to use our son, Grisha? Can't you get someone else? What if something goes wrong?"

"You should have more faith in me, dear. I won't let anything happen to him."

-

I hear the door unlock and open and huddle into the corner. I know that I can't get away from him but I can't stop myself from trying, hoping that perhaps the walls will swallow me up and I won't have to see him ever again.

To my surprise, my mother emerges with a basket in her hands. Mother isn't allowed down here but sometimes she sneaks down when father is away. I'm glad she does, it reminds me that there is a world outside these four walls.

"Hello, Eren." She kneels down in front of me and sets the basket down on the ground. I crawl toward her but wince when the collar around my neck yanks me back. I'm not allowed much lead so I can't move very far. Mother pulls half a loaf of bread from the basket and hands it to me. "Eat quickly."

"Thank you." I mumble. I've be taught that I need to be polite. If I'm not, I'll get hurt.

I pick a piece off the loaf and eat it. Mother pulls out a bottle of water along with two small pills. "These are to help with the pain." She touches my knee and I flinch. She draws her hand away and I take the water and swallow the pills.

"Thank you."

She sighs. "Eren, I've made a plan," she glances at the door, "I'm getting you out of here tonight."

I stare at her. "O-out?"

"Away from your father. We're going to leave here and never come back. You'll never be hurt again. I swear to you." she grabs my hands and holds them tight. "I've failed you and I'm so sorry but I won't stand idly by anymore. Prepare yourself."

I nod determinedly. "Okay, mommy."

"Finish the bread and don't leave any crumbs. Don't tell your father I was here. I'll see you again tonight." She kisses my forehead before leaving. I adjust the steel collar so it doesn't dig into my skin.

-

"And you expect me to unshackle you. Maybe I like seeing you chained up like a dog."

"Levi."

I shout angrily and throw my blanket against the wall. My memories have steadily been returning to me and it isn't pleasant. I feel like I'm reliving all of the hell that I'd blocked out for so long. I start to think I would've been better off not knowing.

I wish Levi was here. I'm also glad he's not. I could barely keep it together when he was here. He'd looked so upset, I wanted to do my best to comfort him, to show him that I still love him.

I didn't want to be touched, yet I let him touch me. I'm starting to see that I'm conditioned to submit to others and to put their wants before my own. I'd been taught that I don't matter and that I need to give everyone else what they want even if it hurts me.

I'm not ready for him to touch me.

I pull at my hair. I want to hurt myself. I need to do something with all these feelings inside of me.