Off Record [Ereri/Riren] ✓

21 ⚕︎Somber ✍︎

Off Record
Chapter 21
⚕︎Somber ✍︎
Levi

som·ber

/sämbər/

adjective

oppressively solemn or sober in mood; grave.

"Eren!"

I wake up with a start, staring at the clock. My hands pull at my hair and I groan. Fifteen minutes. I can't get fifteen minutes of sleep? Why can't I remember my dreams either? It's irritating, but I guess if it's something bad, it's probably best that I don't recall the images that occurred in my mind.

Today has always been... difficult for me. When my mom died, I didn't know what to do and I still don't even today. I don't mourn too much as what's done is done, but that still doesn't stop the memories from resurfacing on this dreadful day.

"Levi, run!"

My trip to the graveyard was long and depressing, so I tried to sleep it off. Of course I don't have that luxury, my consciousness fighting to stay despite me just wanting to stop existing for an hour.

6:37

Shit. I'm really late. I don't even know if he's awake.

Despite my efforts probably being futile, I dress into something that doesn't smell like tears and flowers and into my normal work apparel, a gray button up, black slacks, and some black shoes that look dressy, but are more athletic so that I can chase after patients if need be. I pocket my ID and make my way into my car, making sure to grab two packs of Pop Tarts beforehand.

My hands grip the steering wheel as I head towards the place where I spend most of my life, the time ticking and ticking away into oblivion. I don't feel fulfilled or necessarily empty either; I'm just somewhere in between.

Eren pops into mind and I start to drive slower. I feel kind of shitty about what I said. He cried. Never had I ever seen the male cry before and it wasn't very pleasurable. Despite me feeling remorseful, I'd do it again if I had a second chance. He needs to know the severity of what he did and I also needed to blow off some steam. The fact that I let myself sleep with someone who would just try and take advantage of me still isn't settling and I'm honestly kind of shaken up.

He said that he thought he liked me and then did what he did. It makes me wonder if I'm the one using him or if I'm really the one being used. I wouldn't be surprised by the latter.

The thought of everyone getting hurt or killed due to Eren supposedly not being able to control himself hit me like a bag of bricks. If they died, it'd be his fault, but if he went through with it, he would be killed and that... that would be my fault.

Before I know it, I'm standing outside of Eren's room and open the door, trying my best not to come across as broken in front of him.

"Oi." My voice comes out duller than usual, but I highly doubt he'll notice.

"Hey." He says softly while sitting up.

I close the door and sit down a bit a ways from him. I still don't trust him and I'm disappointed that I ever had.

"So..." He trails off. "Um, what are we doing today?"

I toss him one of the packs of s'mores Pop Tarts and just watch him. "I don't know."

He catches it. "Thanks," he smiles, "we don't have to do anything. I'm content just sitting here not being analyzed if that's what you want."

I just nod and open my own pack, eating the first one feebly. I don't even really know what to say and I don't know why I'm here in the first place.