Complicated (First Book)

3 for

Oliver's pov

When we walk into the rain Kellin pulls his hood over his black hair. He's wearing Vic's tye die hoodie. I'm not sure what they are. Half of the time I think they are dating but how kellin reacts to Vic I think they might just be friends.

As we walk kellin seems nervous.

I'm not sure how to talk to him or about what. He's just so pretty and unique. I told myself I wasn't going to talk to him because I know he'd never like me.

If he is gay he'll be with vic.. not me...
I look up at the gray sky as we walk side by side on the wet concrete sidewalk. Rain hits my face but I don't really mind.

I like this rain, it's not like England were the rain was everyday and freezing. Thunder booms off in the distance making me look at the sky in Hope's to see lightning.

I notice kellin's not next to me. I stop and turn to see him looking down a few feet behind me. His soaking wet clothes are soggy and hanging off his body. The black hair I admire is now hanging down, covering his pretty face.

He's grabbing his sleep by the elbow. This stance is a protective mechanism for himself. He's scared or upset. I step up to him and I can see he's shaking. "Hey, what happened?" I ask softly.

He doesn't respond so I put my fingertips under his chin and make him look up. His eyes are closed and I can't help but admire his beauty. Thunder booms again and he flinches and shoves his face into my wet jacket.

That can't be comfortable but I think I understand. He's scared of thunder. "Hey, love. It's okay. It's just noise," I say and he shakes his head 'no'.

"Come on, the longer you stand here the more thunder you'll hear," I say and he hugs for a second before shoving himself away from me and looking down.

"Thanks for w-walking me, I'm going to go alone.. bye," he says and jogging away. I watch him run away. Theres not much I can do except watch him.

He's so.. interesting...

I slowly walk on this lonely road. The only road I know of- well that's not true but I've walked this road so many times it feels like the only one I know.

I live past kellin but he doesn't know that. He's oblivious to my existence. Well not anymore...

-

Kellin's pov

As I rush into my house my parents look at me because of my sudden appearance. My older brother is playing a guitar and my sister's are no in view.

I put my head down and close the door. I feel like I interrupted them. I go to my room and lock myself in it. I'm soaking we and now I'm getting my carpet wet. I carefully strip out of my clothes and take off my binder. Even its soaking wet.

I quickly put on my pajamas and get under all my blankets. I hate not wearing my binder but it's hard to breath in and its wet. I put my earbuds in and turn up my music to full balst.

I hate that Oli saw me scared but I'm just going to forget it happened.

-

I must have dosed off..

It's only sprinkling now but I keep my music in. I'm just going to assume the storm is over for my sake. I hear yelling through my earbuds so I look at the time.

Its 12:34..

I wish I could love myself..

Yeah I know, it's silly to with on 1234 but it's a special number. It wont hurt to wish more. I get up and go to my mirror.  I have a nightlight but it's still hard to see my reflection.

I hate it here, everything is so complicated and confusing.. Tears spill out of my eyes because I can't control myself, I don't know how. 

I'm obviously a girl... I hate it. I'm surprised that nobody has found out yet. Only Vic but that's because he walked in on me as I was changing.

He treats me different sometimes. I hate it, of course he doesn't mean to. I dont think he even knows it most of the time. It's only things like how he touches me or hugs me. Or the times we do cuddle together. He touches me like I'm a girl..

It makes me dysmorphic.. I've looked up this words definition lots of times and I hate that I can say it describes me. Why does it have to be a real feeling?

A mental illness involving obsessive focus on a perceived flaw in appearance.

The flaw may be minor or imagined. But the person may spend hours a day trying to fix it. The person may try many cosmetic procedures or exercise to excess.

I wipe my tears away and grab my phone.

Vic: hey, I didn't see your text until now. Did you make it home okay?

Vic: goodnight

I dont text back because it was hours ago when he sent these. I put my shoes on and grab one of my oversized hoodies. I slip it on over my wife beater. Wait.. is that what this white tank top is called?

Why is it called wife beater?

I dismiss the thought and climb out my window. Its slightly drizzling but no thunder. I carefully walk across the slick roof and go to the edge and look at the trashcan I use to get down. It's not there..

"Kellin?" I hear and I look over to the road to see Oli. He's stopped walking now looking at me. I cross my arms over my chest. I know my chest isnt noticeable but I'm still paranoid.

"Y-yea?" I say trying to look for a way down. He walks over with his hands in his pockets.

"What are you doing?" He asks as I sit on the edge. I'm thinking about just jumping down. I can't get too hurt right?

"I'm going to Vic's," I say and he nods.

"Jump and I'll catch you," he says and I frown. Well maybe this will be better than twisting my ankle?

Hmmm... are you liking it so far?

What do you think about oli?

What do you think about kellin?

What about kellin's family?