Complicated (First Book)

20

Watch the music video ^

As I kiss kellin he doesn't seem to reject me. I pin him against his wall and press my body on his. My hard-on is against his lower stomach because of our position and the fact I'm taller than him.

After a while of making out I start to feel concern. He's not getting hard at all. I can't feel it against my thigh. Does he not enjoy this? I've kept my hands away from sensitive parts like he said last time.

But even last time he didn't get a boner.. I pull out of the kiss and he blushes. "Do you not like me?" I ask and he frowns and looks confused and off guard.

"W-what? We are kissing, doesn't that mean I do?" He asks nervously.

That's true, I'm the first real person to kiss him so it must mean something to him. "Why- um.." I stop my question. I don't want to embarrass or upset him.

He's looking at me with eyes dying to know what I mean. "Why aren't you hard?" I asks and his face goes blank. I shouldn't have asked..

He pushes me away quickly and looks freaked out. "Hey, I'm not upset. I just want to know how to turn you on," I say and he looks away.

"Theres the door," he says pointing  at a his door frustrated. He wants me to leave..

"No, I did mean to upset you. I'm staying to hang out with you. We can do whatever you want," I say and he looks around.

"Please leave," he says looking upset.

"No, dont be ashamed or whatever you're feeling. When I started taking antidepressants it made me no be able to get hard for a while until my body got use to it. Embarrassing yea, but not the end of the world," I say and he looks at me and then hugs me.

This hug is an actual hug, not one of those super light worried ones. I think he doesn't like his weight or something because he tries to never let me touch his body. I hug back and it feels like a nice comfortable hug.

He sighs and I can tell he's upset with something but the way we are hugging lets me know it's not me. "I wish I could hug you like this more," he mumbles and I rub his back a little.

"Why don't you?" I ask and he starts crying.

I didn't mean to upset him...

"Because i-im fucking scared," he says not making to much sense.

"Don't be scared, I'll never judge you or get tired of hugs," I say hoping it would help.

The door to his room opens and I see his sister. She looks at me and kellin pushes me away. "Mommy! Kellins with a guy!" The girl who is probably 12 or 13 yells and runs out the door.

"That whore," I hear a lays say in the distance.

Kellin grabs my hand and rushes me out the door and we pass his whole family. "See I told you. Straight," the brother says to a older sister.

"He's so sketchy, I'm sure kellin could do better. If kellin would just take off those ugly clothes they hide themselve in-"  the older sister starts.

"Shut up! I like my clothes! All of you fucking suck!" He yells shoving me out side and slames the door behind us.

"I fucking hate them," he says now trying to walk away.

"I brought my car," I say m as king him walk in the opposite direction to the car. He gets in the passenger side angrily. I get in the driver's seat and crank up the car.

Tears slide down his cheeks but he still looks mad. "Can you drop me off at Mike's?" He asks clear that he doesn't want me to come.

"Yeah, 1-10?" I ask.

"What scale is this on? I'm fucking pissed, not sad," he says and I look at the tears on his face.

He's very upset..

"Do you like 'the who'?" I ask pulling the CD in my radio.

"Yeah," he says rubbing his face.

One girl was called Jean Marie
Another little girl was called Felicity
Another little girl was Sally Joy
The other was me, and I'm a boy

Kellin looks at the CD case reading the names of the songs to himself. This song is called 'I'm a boy'.

My name is Bill, and I'm a head case
They practice making up on my face
Yeah, I feel lucky if I get trousers to wear
Spend evenings taking hairpins from my hair

Kellin seems nervous now. I sing alone to the song hoping he'll join in. I'm pretty sure this song is about a boy growing up with three sisters and being treated as one of them.

I'm a boy, I'm a boy
But my ma won't admit it
I'm a boy, I'm a boy
But if I say I am, I get it

Put your frock on, Jean Marie
Plait your hair, Felicity
Paint your nails, little Sally Joy
Put this wig on, little boy

He starts singing softly looking at his hands. The anger has left him but he looks upset still. I drive slow so we can finish the song before we get to the Fuentes' home.

I'm a boy, I'm a boy
But my ma won't admit it
I'm a boy, I'm a boy
But if I say I am, I get it

I want to play cricket on the green
Ride my bike across the street
Cut myself and see my blood
I want to come home all covered in mud

I'm a boy, I'm a boy
But my ma won't admit it
I'm a boy, I'm a boy, I'm a boy
I'm a boy, I'm a boy, I'm a boy, I'm a boy
I'm a boy, I'm a boy, I'm a boy

When it's over I'm pulling into the driveway. He looks at me and scans my face. "Are you bi? Well like I'm not trying to lable you.. but do you like girls and guys?" He asks.

I do like girls bodys but kellin is very sensitive and I dont want him to think I'd want a girl over him so I halfway lie to make him feel better. "I like guys, girls can be too much. Periods, moody, and they can get pregnant. Your way better than some girl," I say and he doesn't smile like I hoped.

"O-okay.. bye," he says getting out and leaving before I can say bye. I wait in Hope's he'll wave me bye but he goes inside the house and shuts the door without looking back.

Oops..

What do you think?

How do you feel?

If you could tell kellin one thing would it be?

What about to Oli?

Vic?

What did you think about the song?