Complicated (First Book)

9 I'm

Merry Christmas

*yelling in the house*

Why cant I have a perfect day?

I don't go to school yesterday, my ribs hurt too much and school is hell. I had to tell my parents that I was sick but today I have be at school.

I'm wearing my binder and its hurting my already hurt ribs. I didn't let Vic or any of my friends knew I'm hurt so I'm trying to act okay. I'm currently in 2nd block and Oli has been looking at me 'secretively' but I've noticed. However I ignored it and pretend as if I dont know he's stealing glances at me.

I'm not sure why he's looking at me but its been making me nervous. Has my cover been blown? Does he know if a fake? This time when he looks my way I look at him and surprising he doesn't blush or look away. He doesn't fake that he was looking somewhere else.

"Meet me at the bleachers at lunch," he says and I nod a little and look away. Why would he want to meet me meet him at the football field?

-

Instead of walking to the cafeteria I go out the building and head to the football field. When I get there I see Oli sitting on the bleachers. He smiles and comes up to me.

"Hey kells, want to ditch?" He says smoothly. Ditch? Vic's going to be mad at me if I do. I look at Oli and then the school.

"Sure?" I say and he smiles.

"Cool," he says and grabs my hand. I look at it shocked and he starts walking lightly dragging me away from school.

It felt so wrong it felt so right..

Getting away from school is amazing but I'm ditching... With Oliver... with my free hand I pull out my phone about to tell Vic. Wait, why do I always have to tell Vic everything?

I almost put my phone away but then realized I need advice. I text with one had as I hold Oliver's hand.

Me: I'm ditching with Oli

Vic: whose that? Where are you going?

Vic: are you okay?

Oh God, vic's being over protective again..I bite my lip and look at my phone.

Me: Oliver Sykes,  he's my friend. But yeah, I'm fine but I need advice.

I stumble over a crack in the pavement and grip his hand tightly. "Careful, love," he says and I blush. Love? We continue to walk and I'm now paying attention to my ground and phone.

Vic: Tony says Oliver is a sketchy guy but okay, what's up

Me: well a lot..

Me: mainly about my body, what if I end up wanting a relationship with someone... I can't never tell that person..

Vic: you like Oliver? You shouldn't like him I'm hearing bad things about him.. date someone who loves you

I frown and look at Oli. He's looking forward looking pretty happy to just be out of school with me. I wish I could read minds. I want to know what he's thinking.

I also want to know why Vic's being weird..

Me: I never said I liked him, but I wanted advice about how I should deal with my body

Vic: well idk.. I wouldn't tell people that you're a girl

I put my phone away feeling upset. I wasn't planning on telling anyone.. his grip tightens and I look up to see him looking at me.

"Every okay?" He asks and I nod quietly.  I think I actually like him more than I thought. I just really don't want to like anyone.

"Vic's just being unhelpful," I mumble and look at our hands. He's holding my hand.. can he feel how feminine my hands are?

Then my mind goes back to that day. He said I was girly.. I just have to mess up once and he'll realize my secret. We end up at the park and I lay down in the lush grass. My ribs hurt but this gives me some relief.

"You said I was girly, what can I do to fix it?" I ask him. He's sitting cross legged beside me playing with the grass.

He looks at be briefly before sighing. "You're just a little feminine but I like it, so don't feel like you need to change," he says it and I sit up.

"No, really. Cut my hair? Would that help?" I ask touching my long hair. I like it long but if cutting it will help..

"No, um.. you could sway your hips less? You walk like a girl," he says and smile. I can fix something.

"Why can't you just be yourself? I think you're a cool guy. Feminine or not you are a guy. Nothing can change that," he says.

Does that mean if he knew I was biologically a girl 'nothing can change that' and he'd consider me a girl? We talk about school and classes for a few hours until I have to go home.

Now I'm standing in the living room as my dad yells at me for not cleaning good enough. I was still cleaning before he interrupted me to tell me I didnt clean the floors.. I haven't gotten to that yet..

After in done I go upstairs and start getting ready for a bath. When out of all my clothes I avoid looking at the mirror.  I wish I was a real guy..

I get in my hot water and relax. My wrists are starting to scab up and that's annoying.

-

Once I'm in bed I feel a bit better now I've had a bath and I'm out of my constricting binder. I snuggle up in my blankets thinking about everything.

If I was born a guy half my problems wouldn't exist. I'm dreading next week.. I