Complicated (First Book)

29

🦄 hmm..

Is almost ten at night when Oli come back. His mom immediately hugs him when he walks into the door.

"Im.. I'm just tired," he says going upstairs without looking at me. His mom comes over to me with a sad look.

"He's upset, don't question him. He doesn't talk about it, ever.. try to understand," she says and I slowly nod and go up to his room.

In his room he's just sitting there looking gloomy. If I didn't know he was a nice, sweet, gentle person I would find this scary but I know he wont hurt me. He's gotten into fights Yeah, but I know he would never seriously hurt someone.

I close the door beside me and go to turn on the lights but figure I shouldn't. Carefully- well not carefully. Slowly, I go over to him and sit next to me.

He sighs and looks at me. His eyes hold such emotion to them. I don't want to see him this upset.

"You should- you shouldn't be with me," he says looking away. Is he breaking up with me? He cant be.. he loves me.. right?

"Why?" I say knitting my eyebrows together.

"I'm bad.. you deserve someone better than me," it's in almost a whisper.

"Oh fucking well, I chose you so you're going to stop talking about breaking up," I say not letting he doubts tear up apart.

He looks at me again and kisses me softly with no energy. "How about I tell you one of my secrets.. if you still want to stay with me then you can," he mumbles not looking at me.

"Okay, tell me," I say and he runs his hand through his hair.

"I had a boyfriend named josh.. we were in love, and.. well.. he killed himself because of something I did," he says slowly and he seems like hes not even here.

I hug him and he starts crying. I do my best to comfort him but he seems like he doesn't want to be touched..

"I doubt it was your fault-"

"Shut the fuck up," he stands up getting away from me. "It was ALL my fault, if you get to close to me the same thing could happen," he says and leaves the room. The door slams and I jump a little.

He's hurt because of something that happened a long time ago. He blames himself but I dont think he's capable of really doing something like that. But this still hurts...

It's not that he doesn't love me but I still can lose him.. He's the only person in my life that actually understands me..

After almost a hour I decide I have to find him because he doesn't seem to be coming back. What am I supposed to do? He's dragging me away from the promised land. Aka a happy life with him.

Honestly I don't know where he is but since he didn't take his car I'm guessing he walked. The only place I know he walks too is the park so that's where I go.

He's swinging slightly while smoking. I go over to him and he doesn't look at me. Not even when I get in front of him and look at his sad expression.

"I thought when you found out that I'm really a girl you wouldn't like me. I thought you would be mad that I lied about my gender. Everyday I feel ashamed of my body because I know deep down I'll never love myself. Nobody fucking loves me. Only you. So stop it. Stop distancing yourself. Stop thinking you're going to hurt me. Stop. I'm taking that chance. If I get hurt I'll deal with it. I'm in love with you and you say you love me so that's that. We are staying together. You're literally the best thing that has came into my life and I'd like you to stay in m-my life. Y-you have no idea how lonely I am. When I'm w-with you I don't feel lonely," I'm crying now but not done with my speech.

"I'm not sure how you see me but you make me feel special. I'm selfish for saying this but I'm not letting you break up with me. That would hurt way more than anything you can tell me you did in your past-" I had more to say but he looks at me with a blank expression.

"I've killed someone," he says and I stop talking and look at him.

He.. killed.. somebody?

Wait- what?

Did you expect that?

How do you think kellin will respond?