Complicated (First Book)

15

Can you comment extra on this chapter?

When I walk into Vic's room and he looks surprised to see me like this. I ignore him and grab a outfit out of his dresser and look at him. He's staring at me...

"Wow, you look so hot," he says and I feel ashamed of my body. My body disgusts me and him calling me hot because he can see I'm a girl makes me want to die.

"I didn't realize how curvy you are," he adds to my pain. I hate that I have wide hips and a girly figure..

"Oh, I'm sorry about the kiss. I was just being stupid," he says and my heart breaks more. I don't romantically like vic but knowing he doesn't seem affected by me as a guy but is when I'm like this gets under my skin.

I'm just looking at him with a blank face and he just continues to hurt me more and more. Or maybe it's me hurting myself? I just need to get over it.

"Why do you wear guy underwear? Isnt that less comfortable?" He says and I ignore him and go into his bathroom. I sniffle and for the hundredth time I start crying.

I'm not sure if its because of my period or because how stressful today has been. I take off my clothes sadly trying not to cry to loud. I'm in the bathroom for over a hour and I'm not even doing anything. Just leaning on the wall opposite to the sink glaring at my reflection.

My phones buzzed a few times but I'm ignoring it. I think I just need to be alone? But I aren't I always? Maybe I need somebody after all.. just not Vic or Mike..

Oli...

I'd like to just sit with him for a while. I wish he was here-

"Don't go in there unless he says it's okay. He's very upset," I hear Mike warn someone. I dont want to talk to his mom...

A soft knock taps three times on the door. "Kellin? Can I come in?" Oliver asks. I feel both more stressed and less stressed at the same time.

I have a tank top on under a long sleeve  shirt that's under a hoodie.. I'm safe but its Oli.. I feel like he's smarter than most people. I don't want him to know I'm trans. That I'm a fake...

I shove my dress under the sink and glance at my hair.. theres a lot of glitter in it.. but it's really messed up and I just look chaotic in general.

"I won't bite- well.. I won't hurt you," he says and I blush. I try to fix my hair but it's no use. Unlocking the door I prepare myself for questions. I open the door a few inches and look at him- more like glare.

His eyes are soft but it's not a pity look. "Hey love, how are you doing?" He asks as if it's not noticeable.

"Hmm.." I mumble letting him in the bathroom. Once he's in I lock the door and slide down the door ang hugging my knees. Here comes the questions..

Oli sits down next to me and wraps his arms around me. "Things will get better but you just have to embrace the sadness. The sadness doesn't have be this way.." he says and starts messing with my hair.

Is he trying to get the glitter off? "Being sad and alone is the worst thing.. how about being so alone you let me comfort you," he says and I don't respond because I don't know how to. My thoughts on it are mixed up.

He's making it so easy.. He's not pressuring me so asking questions. He's not forcing me to let him in but he is letting me know he's willing to comfort me.

After about ten minutes of silence I'm a less stressed and upset. "Why are you hanging out with me in a bathroom?" I ask and he smiles and kisses my forehead.

"I like you and this is where you are most comfortable," he says and I smile a little.

He makes me feel special..

"Why haven't you asked questions?" I ask and stop leaning on him. His arms unwrap a little but not all the way.

He looks into my eyes and he looks so serious. Whatever he's going to say is the truth. "Well you are overwhelmed and from what I know you had a really bad day. If I was having a bad day I wouldn't want people questioning me," he says and I carefully hug him wearying of my chest.

"Do you think I could come over? Vic kinda hurt my feelings again.." I mumble and he smiles.

"Of course, love," he says and rubs my back. It's okay because I don't have my binder on but if he touches anywhere beside my back I'll freak out. 

We both get up and I open the door. Vic's sitting on his bed looking sad? He stands up and looks like he's about to say something. Oli goes straight up to vic standing only inches away. He looks intimidating... I find that really hot for some reason.

Oli whispers something to him angrily and Vic looks down. Then Oli turns to me with a smile and goes back to my side.

Vic looks at me sadly and I frown a little. I don't like my best friend being sad. "Vic-" I start but Vic rolls his eyes.

"No, go fuck yourself. Kellin I've done nothing but support you and all your bullshit and you do this? Leave me for him? Two fucking years of you crying and eating all my food. Fuck, you're so fucked up-" the sound of my sob is what stops him.

Oli looks ready to kill vic but he's trying to stay by my side. Vic looks like he regrets saying that.. "my bullshit? Y-you think what I-I go through is bullshit?" I say tears streaming down my face.

"Do you know how much I hate myself because of it? Do you realize how bad I feel every fucking day? Remember when you were upset because that lady called you dirty because of you being h-Hispanic? Imagine feeling that every. Fucking. Day," I say as my voice breaks and falters a lot.

We all stay quiet for a minute before I get the strength to say something else...

Bro.. how does this make you feel?