Complicated (First Book)

16

"I thought you understood.." I say and leave grabbing Oliver's hand making him come with me. I go downstairs and Mum is standing with a broom in her hand.

I let go of his hand and hug the worried lady I love. "I'm sorry mum, you wont have to worry about me randomly coming over or eating your food.." I cry and she accepts me full on.

Her hug is so tight its painful but I need a hug I don't have to feel awkward about. "Oh kellin, I love you. Did vic hurt you?" I just cry in her embrace and he rubs my back.

"Bye.. I love you too. Your more of my mom than my mother. Thank you for that," I say and we let go of each other.

"I'll see you again, you'll always be my son," she says and I wipe my tears.

Mike comes down the stairs and hugs me. Me and Mike don't usually hug  but I'm not worried about it. "I'll see you at school," he says in a question.

"Yeah, bye mike," I say and we let go of each other.

"Bye brother," he says and ruffles my hair. I smile still crying.

I grab Oliver's hand and we walk out of the house. He's watching me but isn't saying anything. 

Theres a blueish silver car that I don't recognize in the driveway. He opens the door to the passenger's side and helps me in.

When he's in and driving he asks his first real question. "You're not going to get into trouble for coming to my house right?" He asks and I pull down the mirror and try to fix my crying face.

"They don't care, she was just upset because we had to wake up early and get ready for the wedding," I say and frown when I realize I let it slip that I was at a wedding.

"Oh, on a scale of one to ten. How do you feel?" He asks.

"What's 1 and 10?" I ask before answering.

"Zero is killing yourself and eleven is winning the lottery," he states and I think for a moment.

"So five is bored?" I ask and he nods.

"Three or four.. but it keeps changing. My brain is all emotions today," I mumble breathing in.

"What was the lowest today?" He asks and I frown. One.. I really wanted to get hit by a car. But I dont want him to lable me as suicidal.

"I don't know," I mumble resting my head on the car's window.

-

When I open my eyes I see im in bed. Not my bed, im in Oliver's bed. I sit up bringing the blankets with me and see Oli laying on his floor next to the bed. When I move he looks at me and smiles.

"Beware I'm high," he says and winks. I blush and he points at the bong that's in shape of a dick.

"Wanna smoke?" He says getting up. I nod a little and he grabs it and brings it to me. He hands me a lighter and I start smoking. He brings a bad of weed over and adds some fresh weed to the bowl.

After a while I set it down and look at him. He's looking at me with a unreadable face. Well probably not but I'm high so I can't read him.

"I like when we sit in silence," I say and he smiles.

"I think silence speaks volumes," he says and I smile.

He's halfway laying but he's propped up by his elbow. He then grabs my hip and unexpected drags me to him. Well under him... I put my hand on his chest and he gets more on top of me.

Oh? What do I do?

His lips brush against mine and I lean in and we kiss. His hand grips my hip in a way that makes me feel like I have to stop this before something happens.

He bites my bottom lip and I gasp. His tongue slides into my mouth. I kiss back  and his hand goes up my shirt and I grab his hand before it gets past my stomach.

"P-please don't touch me," I say freaking out. He pulls away and looks at me confused.

"Can we still kiss?" He asks and I shift so his knee isn't so close to my crotch.

"Okay but don't touch my body... " I mumble and he nods. He puts his forearms against the bed next to me and halfway puts his weight on me and resumes kissing me.

He's completely respectful and we kiss and make out for a while. After a few minutes he sighs and shamelessly sticks his hand in his pants and adjusts himself. His boner on my thigh made my heart do weird things.

He gets off of me and we start to cuddle. I really like Oli... That's scary.  I can't hide my body forever and he seems like the type to want sexual stuff.

I've never...

I've never even liked sexual stuff. I hate myself so much I never want to see, touch, think, or feel what's in my pants. Therefore I've never masturbated.. I've touched myself for a little while to see what the hype what about but it felt weird, wrong, awkward, and uncomfortable.

I dont know what this means..

Will I never feel pleasure? I'm pretty sure it's my mind stopping me from enjoying it. But I just hate myself so much..

My mind gets off that topic and I think about Vic.. I think I just lost my bestfriend... why did he say that stuff to me? Doesn't he realize how bad this body hurts me?

What did you think about Oli trying to get in his shirt?

Do you think Oli's going to get upset with the rejection later on?

What if Kellin let's him touch him..?