This is L.o.v.e. like it should be

XX. The sight of a near truth

This was by far the hardest walk Ava ever had to take, not because of the powerful gusts of wind, but because of the constant need of motivation she had to give herself.

"I need to know the truth", she kept repeating after each step, feeling more and more like a maniac.

In her mind, she had a right to the truth, after giving her heart in full to another person for three years. She simply had to know if he had already been capable of moving on to another's arms, when Ava was still pained by his absence. Although this made little sense since she was the one who broke up with him.

"This is just too broke, beyond fixing...", she remembered.

Those were her last words to him. It was the most definitive sentence she could ever have her mouth utter, because "we are done" or a simple "goodbye" would just kill her in that same day, when they broke up.

Just a few more steps and she would be able to see Julien's house.

"I hope he is just sitting there... in the same chair... alone", she murmured.

She couldn't even bare being touched by some other guy, while her heart was still beating for Julien. It couldn't be possible he had already moved on.

She stopped; her eyes stuck on the ground as she kept up her internal debate. "Just raise your head and look..." Ava was wishing she was brave enough to face the truth. "Was I important enough to be kept in his heart for a bit longer, like I have been keeping him?"

Then a question of bigger importance came to her: "What if he sees me standing in front of his house, like a stalker? That's what I look like: a pathetic stalker."

Ava, in a hurry, looked up and quickly ran her eyes through the house.

It was such a big house. The front was fully windowed from floor to ceiling. The curtains were made of pearl tissue, keeping the bright and cozy ambience inside of the house.

"Julien..."

There he was, in the balcony, comfortably sitting in his chair.

Ava smiled like a foolish girl, just for being able to see him once more. And he was alone, ALONE! A sudden and unexplainable happiness took away all the bad thoughts and quickly gave way to the desire of running to his door and knock until he opened it.

"I miss you, Julien. I can't be without you. Whatever happened, we can work it out, we can make it... I just love you...", before she finished imagining all the things she wanted to tell him, she saw Julien reach for a bottle of whiskey and fill up his cup. Worse yet, she saw him lay down a line of white powder and suck it in through his nose.

Ava was terrified and distraught, that wasn't her Julien. He would never do drugs, quite the opposite, he cared so much about his health.

"I should do something... but it's not my business", she thought in hopelessness. Ava was trying to work up the courage to intervein.

Then, behind the curtains, Ava saw the semblance of a woman in a robe walking slowly, like she was in a catwalk. This new girl who entered the balcony from the bedroom wasn't the same Ava had seen with Julien when they crossed paths outside her office.

"It can't be...", Ava thought, shocked, not even daring to look at the woman.

And yes...

There he was, Julien. But not her Julien.

Ava gave a tepid smile to life itself and made her way back to the car. She sat and in a warm tone she said to herself: "I won't cry".