This is L.o.v.e. like it should be

XL. Breakthrough

"So, Ava it’s been week since our last session. Did you give any though to what we talked about?"

"You mean about me forgiving myself?"

"Yes, Ava."

"Well, if I’m being honest, after I left our last session, my life just turned upside down. I’m sure you’ve heard about my promotion, everyone seems to be talking about it. I didn't have the time to stop and think about anything else."

"I did hear about it, yes. Does it bother you that people are talking about it?"

"I try to avoid thinking about it and just do my job, but I do have my doubts. It was all so sudden, did I really deserve to be promoted? Was it because I’m competent and diligent? Or was it because of Julien and our past together? I really don’t know, and until I do, I’ll keep away from Julien and everything that has to do with us."

"You mean, you are using your promotion as an excuse to avoid him. Why do you think you need to do that?"

"I know somehow he helped me get this promotion and my feelings for him are still... you know, Paul... are still there. My heart still races at the thought of him. But I don't know... His rage, the girl he might be sleeping with, ... He moved on so fast and now what? Is he just toying with my emotions by helping me get a promotion?"

"Why would he do that?"

"I don't know... I'm so confused by him, by his behavior. And I'm so tired of all of this.", Ava was getting worked up.

"Tired of what? Say the words, Ava."

"Of thinking. When I heard he supported my promotion, it felt like a window to get him back had opened. But then, the memory of that Sunday at the beach came rushing back, that day when I saw him drinking heavily, using drugs and even another girl in his bedroom..."

Ava looked away and stopped for a moment to calm herself.

"Keep going, please."

"Despite everything, his absence is killing me. I want so badly to hug him tightly, have my prince back.", Ava hid her face and sighed. She needed that brief pause. "All of the changes in his behavior since we were together... It's like..."

"Ava, I’m sure you are aware of this, but I’m going to help you and say it. You stopped seeing him as your prince while you were still in a relationship. Those changes in behavior were there to some extent already, and you are still trying to face that reality."

Ava closed her eyes and nodded.

"I guess that's the real reason our relationship became so messy and I just had to.... But, after these recent events, why do I still want to know why he became different? Why do I still feel so conflicted...? Sometimes all I want is to just go back to his arms and other times all I want is to run away from him. But now, with this promotion, I'm just focused on doing the second part."

"Why?"

"Because I know I’m taking too long to move on with my life. But there's progress. I’m focusing more on myself, and I'm afraid to let him get close again and ruin that progress, just to get hurt again... Does this make any sense at all?"

"Yes Ava. Yes it does."