Meanwhile, as Louis was hopping into Simon's car, he felt his stepfather's cold eyes checking him from top to bottom. He turned to him as he was still not driving.
« Yes ? Louis asked sternly.
- What happened to you ?
- Nothing.
- Your cheeks are tinted pink and your lips are as swallowed as if they had been sucked upon.
- What the fuck, Simon ?
- This guy ? Again ? Simon pointed at Harry running down the school's stairs and passing the gate.
- I have detention with him.
- Didn't you go back on the team ?
- I did but I had some work to do so I went to the library.
- You're not letting this fag spread his disease on you, right ? »
Louis gulped at the word « disease ». He had been raised in an environment where gays were labelled as disgusting and men had to constantly show off their masculinity. As he was turning white, he looked away to the window and to where Harry was walking.
« Of course not. That would be disgusting. »
His heart ached as the words came out of his mouth. He felt bad about talking like that about Harry but, to some point, felt like he had no other choice. When they got home, he ran to his bathroom and took a long shower. He was harshly scrubbing his body with soap as if he wanted to cleanse himself of those unholy touches, his mind of those sinful thoughts and his lips of that, oh so good, kiss. When he got out, he found himself staring at his own reflection. He was disgusted by the sight of the man, standing at his place in the mirror. His features were hard, he felt as though he had gained weight from not practicing for over two months and, most of all, was repulsed by what he had did. He was the one who had led Harry into that kiss. He did that. He was responsible and, yet, he was the one who walked away without saying anything. He still did not know what was worse, leaving Harry there without an explanation or having kissed him. He brought a hand to his lips and caressed them delicately. Harry's mouth had been there. His tongue had brushed over them, a guy's. He needed someone to talk to, someone who would never judge him. The first person who came up to his mind was Nick but, of course, he would never forgive him if he told him they had kissed. He then thought about Zayn and, being the only and last choice he had, dialed his number.
« Zayn ?
- Louis ? Are you alright, mate ?
- All good. Look, what are you doing right now ?
- Not much, why ?
- Could we, like, meet ?
- I mean, yeah. In fifteen ?
- Great. Park ?
- See you there. »
Louis dressed as quickly as he could and left his house without saying a word to Simon, his mother not being here, though, he texted her, to let her know he was alright and where he was going. He sat on a bench in the freezing cold and waited until he saw a rugged dark silhouette come near him.
« Thanks, Z. Need to tell you something.
- You're scaring me, is everything alright ?
- Yes. It's just that ... well I don't know where to begin.
- You're not going to tell me that you're gay, right ? Zayn laughed, teasing Louis. »
However, he could not share that laughter because he was, indeed, questioning his sexuality. Strangely enough, he had thought Zayn would be the right person to talk about this with but, what if it was all wrong ? He knew that he was not usually attracted to men but Harry was different and on a whole new level. He seemed so far away, yet just there, he was mysterious and unreachable which only made Louis feel challenged. However, Zayn's remark only made Louis cold feet again and he looked down and made up a lie which Zayn seemed to take. That was when he realized that he was alone in a war only he could fight against his own self. He did not have anyone to turn to when his whole world was collapsing, when he just needed a shoulder to rest on.
That night, Louis was painted blue on the walls of Harry's mind. He could not get enough of the adrenaline he got when Louis' lips brushed against his own. Louis had left him there, begging for more, as messy as always, without even a look for his unfulfilled self. Louis had always been his strongest and most hated enemy. They had always fought, insulted and pushed each other in the hallways. They could not stand one another and, yet, that kiss did not feel an ounce wrong to Harry. It was this feeling of danger, of doing something he should not and of what everyone had already warned him about that he could not get enough of. Louis was just the person this feeling corresponded to, just a pawn in the way, or he thought. As he was heading to his room after dinner, he did not even had time to close the door, that Gemma had already stormed in.
« What happened to you ? she asked, sitting her legs crossed on his unmade bed.
- Nothing. Why'd you ask ?
- Come on, I know you, baby brother. Did Nick kiss you ? »
That's when Harry thought about Nick. He had not even shared a thought with him all night long. This would destroy their friendship, ambiguous but still just a friendship. He could not risk to tell him, especially because it did not mean a thing. By his eyes widening and his face falling, Gemma understood something was wrong.
« What ? Tell me.
- There's nothing to say, Harry argued.
- You can't hide anything from me ! Tell me.
- I told you, there's nothing. Now, if you may, I'd like to study. I don't want to be twenty one, almost two, and still live at my mother's.
- What the fuck, H ? You really did not have to say that, she pouted, actually hurt by what he said. Thought you were a better person than that. Seems like you're just like that one guy you hate.
- Why is everyone telling me that ? I'm nothing like him ! »
But she had already left. Harry punched his closet's door in a rush of anger. As the loud slam echoed in the room, he wondered what had gotten into him these past few days. Had the hate he had towards Louis been displaced onto other people ? He could not possibly imagine that. His boundaries felt blurry for a second until he decided that, going out and taking pictures would only do him good.
Outside, the sky was dark and covered the city like a black velvet coat. Harry walked down to the park where a few people were wandering and the lights were steaming. As he was trying to find anything that would bring the littlest and slightest ounce of inspiration in him, he saw Louis, sitting with his friend, Zayn, on a bench. He had changed his football uniform for a grey hoodie and some dark jeans. His fringe was softly falling down his forehead and his eyes were shining so brightly in the darkness in felt as though they had captured every single ounce of light in the stars. A queer fluttering started in the pit of his stomach and Harry was unable to figure out what was happening. A lustful warmth spread around his freezing cold body. A million questions crossed his mind, at this instant. Did he ought to walk up to them ? Of course not. Louis would spit him out like he always did. So he stayed right where he was, behind a tree, and prepared his camera. Louis was laughing along with his friend but his eyes were telling another story. The story of a broken schoolboy who feels alone in a crowded room. That was exactly what Harry was looking for, something to epitomize what he had gone through for so long during high school. In just a click, the picture had been perfectly taken. Alarmed by the intense flash, Louis and Zayn had turned around to Harry's direction but the boy had been quicker and was hiding behind the tree. He checked the picture he had taken. It was perfectly cropped and the lighting only embellished Louis' mysterious and torn face. A strange mix of emotions emanated from this photograph. The happiness of a young teenage boy at the first sight was replaced by unsureness, insecurity and pain. He wore that smile, reassuring and familiar but his eyes were saying otherwise. In that moment, Harry finally realized that, who he thought had the perfect careless life, was actually one of the most torn persons he had ever met. A wave of compassion and pain ran through his body, nuzzling in his heart, but he chose to ignore it. Feeling anything for Louis would be his downfall, the death of him. He had to focus on what he did best, study, and get this scholarship.
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Perfect now (Larry Stylinson AU)
Fanfiction« Tell me I should stay, Lou. Tell me you want me to stay. » « You know I can't. » « But I - I love you. » Louis turned his gaze away and shut his eyes. Harry had said it. He had turned everything upside down, just like always since he walked into L...
