Louis did not move for a while, he did not even flench when someone elbowed him in the ribs. He stayed there, standing in front of the gate that had swallowed his curly boy. Hundreds of people were crawling in the room but he could not see anything. He could not hear the teeming airport anymore. He felt so lonely in a sea of unreadable faces. He did not know how much time he spent, standing there, but, as he blinked, the crowd had gone and only a few passengers were waiting for their planes next to the seats. He finally turned around, after what felt like an eternity, and walked to the parking lot but, this time, he was alone. He hopped in the empty car, still filled with Harry's scent. He laid there a couple minutes again, his hands both on the wheel left with the warmth of Harry's hands, just appreciating the cologne stuck in the leather seats. He sighed deeply and drove away, back to Anne's and Gemma's where he would leave the car. When he got there, the two women ran up to him. They both appeared so lovely to him. They had lost Harry too, in a way, but still were more preoccupied about how Louis was.
« Louis, dear, would you like a cup of tea ? Anne suggested as she saw his red injected eyes, leading him inside the house.
- That would be nice, he sniffled, letting his guard fall down as he bursted out in tears at the touch of her hand on the back of his shoulder. »
She opened the front door and sat Louis in the living room where she left him with Gemma. They talked about everything but Harry, none of them even ready to mention his name, yet. Finally, Anne came back with a tray carrying burning mugs and a tea-pot. She smiled at the two young ones and sat on the couch.
« So, how was him ? she finally asked.
- Good, Louis tried to say without a sob escaping his mouth.
- He did not even look back ?
- I guess he hesitated, first, but that's all.
- Right, she smiled faintly.
- What are you going to do, now ? Gemma asked. »
That question Louis had asked himself many times. However, it almost sounded like it had nothing to do with schools and universities. It mostly referred to, now that Harry was gone, what will he do. Well, that he ignored. He kept a stern face and turned to her :
« I have a scholarship in a university in Connecticut and one next to New York where I can study Psychology.
- That's great ! When are you leaving ? she enquired.
- At the end of August, I guess. I still don't know, really.
- What do you don't know, darling ? Anne asked sweetly.
- I don't know what I wanna do and if I'll ever go there. I'm not as independent as Harry, I can't go there on my own and start a new life.
- Everyone does that, Louis, and you won't be alone, you'll meet new people.
- I'm not very good at making friends.
- That we saw during the first years of high school, they laughed as they remembered the daily fights Louis and Harry would have. »
They talked for around an hour until Louis decided it was time to go home and Anne led him outside. They were both under the porch when, the young lad finally turned around to her with gleaming eyes.
« He did not wanna get on that plane, you know ? he said his voice breaking at every words.
- I know. We talked before he left.
- Right, Louis nodded.
- You should go home, dear. I don't want your mother to get worried. »
Louis nodded and hugged her tightly before making his way to his house. When he opened the door, his sisters jumped at him, giggling like girls their age would. The only one staying a bit away was Lottie. She was watching Louis with worried eyes, as if she could feel what he was feeling. When she heard his name being yelled by his sisters, Jay walked in the hallway and kissed her son on the forehead.
That night, Louis had his phone pressed in his hand, ready to answer it if Harry was to call him. But nothing came through. After dinner, he locked himself in his room and cried himself to sleep for hours. If he had done the right choice, then why was everything feeling so wrong ?
When he woke up, he had one text from Harry. One simple formal one : « I have arrived. ». Louis wondered if Harry was mad at him for not answering like he wished he had but, how could he when all Louis was doing was putting him first ? So he dialed his number and pressed the phone to his ear, his hands sweating. The first rings made him question his decision. Was calling him a bad idea ? But everything faded away as he heard Harry's sleepy voice from the other side of the line :
« Hello ? Louis heard.
- Harry ?
- Yes.
- Right, Louis chuckled nervously. Are you alright ?
- I miss you, Lou. »
Louis could feel the pain and hurt in Harry's voice though he seemed so softly asleep. He could almost see him, his long curls falling on his bright green puffy eyes, his lips softly parted while breathing evenly. But the voice had nothing of the usual warmth and sweetness he used to know and hear every day.
« It's for the best, H, is all Louis found to say.
- So, tell me, Louis, why am I in tears ? Why can't I get in my bed without crying to sleep ? Why can't I breathe without wanting to smell your scent and feel your touch ?
- I'm sorry, Louis' voice broke.
- You already told me that. »
Louis did not know what to say. He felt like every part of his body, every bones, were slowly and painfully breaking. The words would not come out of his mouth, and even if they could, he had nothing to say. He wished he could have said he loved him back, that he even thought he loved him more than Harry would ever but, it was too late and he knew that. So, after a long painful silent, Harry sighed loudly and said :
« I have to go, maybe we'll talk later. »
And, just like that, he ended the call. What they did not know, was that they never would talk later.
It was noon and Zayn had called him too. He wanted to spend some time with Louis, probably because he mostly wanted to check on him. Anyway, Louis accepted and, after a long shower and being dressed, he took the first bus. He arrived within a few minutes and rang the doorbell. When Zayn opened the door, Louis immediately saw that he was trying to read him, so he just gave him a friendly smile and walked in. His friend did not bring Harry up and he was thankful for that. Even though the last few months had helped him open up to people, he still did not feel ready. As they were playing video games, Zayn phone buzzed under Louis and Harry's name appeared on the screen. He just handed back the phone and unlocked his own phone to open up the Snapchat he guessed he had received too but, to his great deception, he had received none. That's when it occurred to him that he really had messed things up. Zayn, feeling something was up with his friend, walked him up to the balcony and handed him a cigarette.
« I don't know how I messed it up, Louis finally said as he took a drag of the cigarette.
- Tell me what happened at the airport. We were on the phone the night before, everything seemed alright between the two of you, right ?
- Yeah, yeah. Everything was fine, Louis thought back at that one last night they had spent together. What did he tell you over the phone ?
- I said that I was hoping he won't forget me, even when he'll be a great and famous photographer or whatever, Zayn chuckled. He mentioned that he didn't wanna leave anymore.
- I know.
- Did he tell you ?
- Kinda. He wanted me to ask him to stay.
- Did you ?
- No. I couldn't just hold him back like that. He wants to go there, he shouldn't risk it all for someone like me.
- But, Louis, you're not just someone in his eyes. I don't know about whatever is going on between you two because you're both fucking weird but, eyes don't lie Louis. He loves you and I can tell that you love him just as much as he does.
- Of course I do, Z. Of course I love him, Louis shook his head.
- Then why didn't you just tell him that ?
- Because he wouldn't have left.
- Maybe he didn't want to ? Have it ever occurred to you that, maybe, he just wanted to be with you ? I mean, it's gonna sound very cheesy but, you can find plenty of schools but you've only got one soulmate.
- It is what it is, Louis shrugged, tears filling up his eyes.
- Look, I'm just saying, maybe he did want you to hold him back.
- But why would I ever do that ? He's so brilliant and genuinely good to everyone. I would just melt into this crowd of new people he'll meet and, what will I do then, huh ? What would I have done if I had lost him ?
- Well, what are you gonna do, now ? »
Louis turned to his friend because he had finally acknowledged the fact that he had lost him. He had lost Harry and there was no going back. He thought he was being brave and strong by letting him go but, wasn't he just afraid of his own feelings ? Love was a big word to Louis, something he wasn't used to, but with Harry it was different, familiar and easy. Had he lost everything ? Had he really lost Harry for good ?
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Perfect now (Larry Stylinson AU)
Fanfiction« Tell me I should stay, Lou. Tell me you want me to stay. » « You know I can't. » « But I - I love you. » Louis turned his gaze away and shut his eyes. Harry had said it. He had turned everything upside down, just like always since he walked into L...
