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42. Angst

"Okay now fill in the centre with chocolate mousse, and sprinkle the flakes." She instructs her pastry chefs, Cha In and Sun Woo, who are learning new recipes. "A little bit more."

It's been three weeks since her panic attack. The first few nights were difficult with her loud beating heart. Along the way, she discard her own thoughts by busying herself with work.

"This is so good, chef." Sun Woo devours the Choux he made with eyes half closed. "But if I may say, instead of icing sugar, maybe's it'll be better to dust it with fine toffee powder." Cha In said.

Kate instantly fix another Choux but this time, dust it with toffee powder just like what Cha In suggest. "Goodness gracious!" She exclaimed in English. "Guess I'll have more free time with you around, Cha In-ah." They tried the toffee version and agrees that this is it. 

"Will you make the rest and let everyone try it before they go home please?"

—•—•—

After a long day, Kate is back to the silent house. She decided to have a very late dinner with whatever fruit there is in the refrigerator. While staring at the busy road from the wide window, Kate peacefully enjoy her peach. Surely, Seoul's city lights never fail to outshine the stars.

She's too captivated by watching cars passing by that she didn't hear footsteps approaching her. He drop his phone on the table, only to make her scream her heart's out. "You scared me." She exhales. "Why didn't you answer any of my calls?"

Ever since the day she got hospitalized, Seung Hyun calls her every chance he got. Sometimes, he went over the line—stopping by her café just to make sure she's alright. "I was busy." Kate replied, taking a sip of her warm tea.

"Busy daydreaming? Drinking tea? You can't even send a single text?" His tone gets more irritated, his face looks exhausted. "Why are you getting angry at me?"

"Because you were out of reach the whole day, Kate!"

She looks up at his face, can't believe how he's acting right now. Kate's been telling him that she's okay and there's nothing he should be worried about. She moved in for him but it didn't change anything. It didn't change his absurd and overwhelming attitude. "You're being ridiculous."

"I'm being ridiculous? Do you know how many questions run through my head when you didn't answer my calls? I had to call your café because I can't know if you're busy with work or if you're lying on the ground unconscious, having another attack. Only God knows if you're hospitalized again!"

"You are ridiculous! I'm an adult, Seung Hyun! I can take care of myself." She defends herself. "And even if I had another attack, I'll know what to do and drink that medicine. My goodness! Why is it so hard to convince you that I'm okay?"

Seung Hyun face away from her. His ears are ringing and his mind heavy with the tension in their kitchen. "Convince me by answering my calls. Convince me by sending me a text. Only then I'll know you're alive and safe." He rest his hands on the island.

"If only you picked your phone once, just once, we won't be arguing right now."

Kate sighed, trying her best to control her emotion. "Sit." She pulls a chair close to her and calls his name. And when he finally turn his head, Kate stare deeply into his eyes, asking him to sit.

He do as he's asked. Now facing down to his knees, he waits for her to speak. "I'm alright. I haven't drink any pills. I scheduled counseling sessions. Seung Hyun, look at me." She said calmly.

Her eyes met his and at this moment, she understands why he's been acting like this. Though she seemed to always have a hard time understanding his way of thinking, Kate understands that it's been difficult for him too—dealing with his own anxieties and confusion. She understands that he meant and will always mean well.

"I'm sorry you had to see me like that and I'm sorry to make you worry all the time. But I promise you, I'm alright now." For the first time, she witnessed every second of tears building up in his eyes. Though his hair and glasses cover some parts, she can see clearly how Seung Hyun is trying to hide them. "Seung Hyun."

He can no longer look at her eyes, let alone her face. So he stands up and hugs her body tight. They didn't say a word for a good one minute. Only the voice of his small sniffles and her constant soft pats can be heard. "Promise me to call me right away if anything happens." He whispered.

"Promise me to never get hospitalized like that again." He lean his head to her neck, hugging her a little bit tighter. They stay at this position as if the hug kills their anxieties. "I can't lose you, Kate."

She push his body apart from her, just three inches away. Wiping the fallen tears from his beautiful eyes, then gently rub his cheek with her thumb, she calls his name once again. "Seung Hyun."

"I won't go anywhere. I promise you that."