Yours, Now and Forever Book #2(A Jordan Knight Fanfiction)

28

Vivian leaves with Orlando and they head to the studio. Tim is heading up this meeting. It's the whole cast and crew. They discuss heading back to finish filming in Boston. Everything's been deemed safe for their return. Vivian is relieved, she knew if they had needed her to stay in California it would have caused problems with Jordan. She didn't think he would have been okay with her not returning home with him.

The thought of staying in California without Jordan's sad eyes staring at her, was a nice thought though. She couldn't stand him looking at her like she was some broken thing that he needed to watch over. It sickened her to see how he looked at her now.

After the meeting was over, Orlando was driving Vivian home and she asked him to stop at the beach. She wasn't ready to be back in that house yet. Not because of the attack but because the pity she saw in all their faces when they looked at her. It was breaking her more. She couldn't take it much longer. She hoped things would go back to normal once they were home.

At the beach Vivian got out of the car and took her shoes off. She walked out into the sand. She loved the feel of the sand under her feet and between her toes. The sound of the waves seemed to calm her nerves. Vivian found everything about the beach to be very therapeutic. "You okay Vivi?"

"I'm not sure Lando. I just want things to go back to normal. I hate the way everyone looks at me now. Like I'm some broken thing. Especially my husband. He used to look at me with awe. He'd look at me and I'd feel stronger. I'd feel beautiful. I'd feel overwhelming love, desire and need. But since I got back, when he looks at me its makes me feel pitied, or little, or shame. I can't stand it."

"Vivi, I'm sure that's not what he sees. How could he not still see you as strong and beautiful? I'm sure he feels shame in himself for not keeping you safe. He's your husband, he was terrified he was never going to see you again. I know he loves you very much. How could he not?" Vivian stares at him, he hasn't taken his eyes off her face since they've been talking. "Vivian, you are more beautiful now than I've ever seen you. Knowing everything you survived, I can't imagine anyone seeing you as pitiful or weak. If I'm being honest, you're the strongest, most beautiful woman I've ever known. I don't know how every man that's ever been in your presence hasn't fallen in love with you."

She holds his stare as she stands up and goes to stand right in front of him. She hugs him, "Thank you Orlando." She kisses him lightly on his cheek and pulls back from him. As she does this, she pauses, her lips come incredibly close to his. He freezes and inhales sharply. But she only paused for the quickest second and then she turns abruptly away from him and walks back to his car. "I better get home."

Vivian isn't sure what just happened. She thinks she almost kissed her friend. But it happened so quickly she really doesn't know. She does know that it felt nice to hear he didn't see her as less than what she was before. That he sees her as more now. She really wished Jordan could see her that way too. But she knew he didn't.

She knew Jordan saw her as broken, his poor, unfortunate, pitiful, weak, broken wife. And Vivian knew she couldn't live with that. She had survived much worse and she'd done it alone, with no loved ones around. Why did he feel like she couldn't survive the week she'd spent with Jason this time? It was nothing compared to before. And this time she had an amazing support system. She'd have to sit her husband down and discuss this situation.

The drive back to her house they're silent. Orlando doesn't have any words of encouragement for her. He's not sure what he can say about Jordan's reaction to her abduction. He just wishes her the best and makes sure she knows she can call him anytime she needs a friend to talk to. She thanks him again and says goodbye. "I'll see you next week in Boston. And Lando, don't worry about me, I'll be fine."

"Of course I'm going to worry. You just went through a horrible ordeal. I want you to have normal again. I want to see you happy. Don't be impatient with Jordan. You didn't see him while you were gone. He was devastated at the thought of losing you. He's going to do whatever he has to to make sure you're safe. Try to put yourself in his shoes."

"I will, I promise. Thank you Lando." She leans across the console and hugs his neck. "You're a really good friend. I appreciate that more than you could know."

Orlando sees Jordan standing in the front window, watching them. He was sure he had probably been waiting for her to get home. I know I would have been, he thinks to himself.  "Goodnight Vivi, I'll see you next week. Go home and get back to normal."

"Goodnight Lando. Looking forward to it."

She hadn't even really thought about what Jordan had been going through while she was gone. It must have been hell for him. He was such a loving and protective husband. He'd always taken such great care of her. But as much as she appreciated it, it was now more of a problem. She needed him to let her have the space she needed. She thought that maybe if she told him everything that happened they could start healing together. But she knew that would never happen. He couldn't handle it. It would break him. And she thought one of them being broken was enough. So as she walked into the house, she decided he could never know. So she'd have to heal by herself. She just hoped he'd give her the space she needed to do that.