Good Girls #1: Finding Rhyme

Kabanata 30

Kabanata 30

Hiwalay

Nanatili akong nakaupo habang nakayuko sa harap niya. Walang sawa kong pinagpipisil ang aking mga daliri, never minding how much pain its causing to me. Hindi ako nakakasigurado kung ilang minuto na kaming nananahimik, but one thing I'm sure of is I am finally at peace.

Mahirap aminin sa kaniya ang aking opinyon lalo na't ayaw ko siyang masaktan. I am just very grateful that he understands my side. At kagaya ng kaniyang sinabi, hindi siya namimilit ng babae. If he just knows how much this also hurts me. To refrain myself from loving someone because of this terrifying experience I had with my parents is long battle of acceptance. I don't have an idea when I can be entirely ready for him, dahil kung hindi siya, hindi ko alam kung kanino pa ako mahuhulog.

But to think that he might fall for someone else in the future breaks my heart into little pieces. I am too young, I have more important priorities than this feelings yet I am here overthinking what would I can be without him. Hindi ko alam kung magiging masaya pa rin ba ako na mananatili akong kaibigan lang niya.

He said that all he will do for me is not a sign of his friendship. I am not that naive to not understand what he meant. May sayang nagtaksil na tumakas sa aking puso pero napaltan rin ng sakit na maisip na baka hindi rin magtagal ay magsawa siyang magkagusto sa akin.

Saktong pagbuntong hininga ko ay ang siyang paggalaw ng malaking katawan sa harap ko. Nagtaas ako ng tingin kay Eros. His eyes are all on me while he's standing tall in front of me. Mabilis niyang kinuha ang bag na kanina ay hawak ko at isang strap lang ng bag ang isinakbit sa kanang balikat. Why I am finding it cool is out of my dictionary. Maybe I should start adding some meaning to my dictionaries of him?

"Anong oras ang susunod mong klase?" He asked me in his usual baritone I missed.

Nababaliw na ata ako dahil simpleng pagsasalita niya lang ay nahuhumaling na agad ako.

"I still have an hour left." I tried to smile at him.

Tumango siya at tinignan ang sariling relo. Nanatili naman ang aking mga mata na nakatitig sa kaniya. The way he tilt his head sideways, his jaw tightly clenched and his thick dark eyebrow meeting each other is just a perfect description of mesmerition. I wonder how could the Creator chose this man to be his favourite piece.

Bumaling siya sa akin nang malalim ang mga mata kaya agad akong nagiwas. No matter how much I want to stare at him for long, I just can't.

"I have my next class in Business Ethics." Nahimigan ko ang pananantya niya sa kaniyang tono.

How saddening it is to hear that we have different schedules now.

Tumango ako at tumayo na. Nakakahiya dahil kinakailangan ko pa rin siyang tingalain. I'm turning nineteen yet my height remained the same. Ang aking mga mata ay hanggang kaniyang leeg lang. Maybe I should train myself wearing heels na?

Naiisip ko pa lang ang pahirapang paglalakad dahil sa nagtataasan kong heels already seems so horrifying. The embarrassment I'll get for myself, kaya huwag na lang.

"Sige at pumasok ka na. Hahanapin ko na rin ang next building ko para maaga ako makapasok."

Tinitigan niya ako habang nagsasalita kaya medyo na'conscious naman ako. I bit my lower lip and then started looking away again. Kinuha ko ang bag ko at isinakbit sa aking balikat.

"Where is your building? Major subject?" He asked.

"Oo. I am still not familiar with the buildings pero sa likod ng Crim Department ang next class ko."

"Ang layo no'n dito."

Tumango ako. Sobrang layo na ng Criminology Department tapos sa likod pa ako no'n, but it's okay. Basta agahan ko lang lagi ang paglalakad at hindi ako mahuhuli.