You Are On My Mind

My Worst Fear

Last night, I rewatched the Blue Bloods episode Unfinished Business. I had forgotten what a good episode that was! I felt there needed to be more Danny comfort, so here is what I came up with. Ties into my story: You're Not Alone*

Danny sighed heavily as he blankly looked at the pictures on his desk. He couldn't believe that John Russell took a dive from the building. Danny had seen so many ways out of John's problem, and John, a decorated Vet, took the coward's way out. Only did Danny look up when he saw a cup of coffee placed on his desk. He saw the department psychiatrist sitting in the chair, patiently waiting. "That could've been me, doc. In fact, that was me. That's my worst fear, y'know?" He quietly explained, keeping his eyes on one picture. "I never want to hurt her again."
The doctor followed his line of vision, and saw a beautiful blonde with a broad, beaming smile on her face. "Your wife? How'd you hurt her?"
"I beat her. I just.... I don't know. Something snapped. I was drinking too much. I punched her twice. I'll never forget the fear in her eyes...."
"But you didn't mean to beat her? Something just.... triggered the reaction?"
Danny shrugged, "if I hadn't been drunk, I know I wouldn't hit her."
"You didn't mean to. If you won't hit her when you're clear-headed, then you couldn't possibly have hit her purposely when you were drunk..... how did she react?"
"She forgave me. Just like that.... I ended up at my brother's apartment. Linda came, took care of me, and forgave me. But...."
"But what? Did she say something?"
"She said if that ever happened again, if I took things way too far?" He didn't mean for it to come out as a question. "She said she wouldn't hesitate to leave..... I guess that's my worse fear. A case will trigger a really bad memory..... I'll snap and hurt her again..... and she'll leave me."
"Don't let that happen. When you feel yourself falling, reach out. Don't wait till your fifty feet under."
************
Linda was worried about Danny. She knew the case was bringing up a lot of bad memories. She saw him crumbling into the same man he was when he had come home from Iraq. She sighed and looked at the clock; two am and he wasn't home yet. She was just about to call him when she heard the spam of a car door.
About twenty minutes passed before Danny walked into their bedroom. He sighed wearily as he crossed the shirt distance to get to his bed. He sat on the mattress, observing his sleeping wife; he brushed her bangs back with his hand and kissed her nose. "I love you. Gosh, I love you so much."
Linda allowed herself to lean into his touch, I love you more.
He shook his head and stood up, walking to the en-suite to take a quick shower.
When ten minutes turned into half an hour, Linda slid into the bathroom. She quietly shucked her T-shirt off her body and stepped out of her undies. She slipped into the shower, and immediately jumped back. "That's freezing, Danny!"
He only shrugged, "hadn't really noticed."
She frowned, slightly tugging his arm. "C'mon. Let's get warm in bed. We can talk about it there."
Five minutes, and Danny was holding Linda in his embrace. She traced nonsense patterns on his shoulder as he talked.
"You were right, babe. 'Bout the case. It was bringing up some bad memories..... especially...."
"Especially What?" She Gad a feeling she already knew. 
"Especially when I hit you.... ugh, I never want to hurt you, Linda."
"I know, Danny." She shifted so she could look into his eyes. "And that wasn't you who hit me. Don't you dare say it was! Danny, it's just...." she sighed. "You wait till you've hit rock bottom. Actually, you wait till it's rock bottom, fifty feet of crap, then you to call out for help. Don't do that. Call as soon as you slip. So I can help you......" Linda settled back into his arms. "I love you, Danny, and I don't like seeing you hurt."
Danny squeezed her, kissing her head. "What would I ever do without you?"