You Are On My Mind

A Dark Hour

Linda chewed her lip as she stood in the mass of people. She felt the tears and fears rise in her chest like a balloon. She swallowed thickly, not ready for what she had to do. She hated she had to tell him first thing. Why couldn't he be happy for ten minutes? Why couldn't he see the smiling faces of his children? Why couldn't she show him how much she missed him?
Something was wrong; he knew it. Danny knew something was wrong. He had been on his second marine tour for only a year. He had three more years of hell to go, so why was he being sent home? He had gotten a letter from his Dad. A short, hair raising letter that only said 'you need to come home'. Danny's first thoughts went to his family: was Linda okay? What about Jack? And Sean? Then he thought about his birth family. Was it Mom? She had been looking a little worn when he left, but he chalked that up to fear. After all, Linda looked worn as well, and he knew she was in perfect health.
Danny's chest grew tight as he walked into the airport. He was either walking into a world he didn't want anything to do with or he was being over dramatic. He had a feeling it was the former. When he saw Linda, standing amongst the crowds, arms around herself, he felt the tiniest bit of relief. But then he saw her face, and that fear came back.
Linda hugged Danny with all her might, as if he would float away. Her wall had broken down, and she choked out, "I love you, Danny."
"I love you more... Linda, what's wrong?"
She pulled away and looked down. How could she tell him? She looked to the ceiling, as if it held the answer. She felt like she needed to throw up.
"Sweetheart?"
Linda squeezed her eyes shut. She had to tell him now, she just had to. She barely registered being led to a chair or Danny kneeling in front of her.
"Linda. What's wrong? Who is it?" Danny wanted to scream in fear and frustration. He hated not knowing what was going on.... who the hell sends an ominous letter saying your need to come home'?
"It's-" her voice cracked and she buried her face in her hands. She bit the bottoms of her palms, trying anything to stop the tears. She barely heard her husband request a bottle of water, which they received five minutes later.
Danny unscrewed the top of the bottle and handed it to Linda. "Here."
She took a long calming sip, and another, and another. Soon, with most of the bottle gone, her tears subsided enough for her to speak.
"I'm sorry," Linda shook her head. "I'm sorry, I di'n't mean to scare you, and I'm sorry. I-"
"Honey. We're passed scared. What's the matter? What's wrong?"
She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. She couldn't look at him. "Your Mom... she only has three months to live."
Danny felt his heart drop. That was much worse than anything he had concocted. "What?"
"Three weeks, actually. They say months, but she says three."
"Where... can- can I see her?"
She nodded as she dug around her purse for a tissues. "She's at St. Vic's. Frank pushed for her to be there, so she'd have someone to talk to during lunch hours...."
************
Two weeks later, Danny clung to his wife's shoulders as they stood at the end of the hospital bed. Frank was standing at the head of the bed, stroking Mary's cheek as she held his hand. Jamie and Joe held onto each other, as did Jack and Erin. They had all come over after Sunday dinner to say hello. It was going well, until Mary started saying she was going away. She bid her farewells to teary family members, having Linda and Danny vow to take care of the younger ones. Collectively, the couple was three years older than Erin, but they both agreed solemnly.
The heart monitored beeped one long, agonizing sound. Everyone just stared at it, not knowing what they should do.
"Gosh, that's annoying," Linda muttered and tore herself away from Danny to turn it off. It wasn't as annoying as it was a reminder that she'd never see her mother in law again. Mary was more of a mother to Linda than her actual mother. Linda went back into her husband's arms, looking around at the family. Bravely, she said, "you guys can be alone-"
"No!" It was more desperate than Danny had intended. "No. You're.... you're a Reagan as much- as much as any of us." And I don't think I could survive this without you.
Frank nodded, knowing Linda was like another daughter to Mary. "Stay. She'd- she'd want you to."
Linda could only nod, not trusting her voice. Mary Elizabeth Reagan would be dearly missed.