You Are On My Mind

Eating Habits

Linda's stomach growled as she made her rounds on the ER floor. She was thankful that it seemed like a slow day, only new mothers coming in with feverish babies. That only made her mood worse though, because ten weeks ago, she was those mothers. She wanted to know the irrational fear then the clear embarrassment those mothers were feeling.
She walked into a patient's room- Mr. Edwards- and plastered on her best fake-smile. "How are you feeling, Mr. Edwards?"
"Better, but I've got some concerns."
Linda tried her best to sound sincere, "oh, that's too bad. What's the problem?" She just barely listened as he listed his problems. Her vision was slowly getting worse, and her dull headache didn't help. She hoped what she wrote was somewhat coherent, at least enough for her so she could do a rewrite later. Once he finished talking, she stuck her pen in her pocket. "I'll have the doc look at this, but it sounds like you just need a medicine switch."
"Ah," he nodded, furrowing his brow when she swayed a bit. "You okay?"
"Yeah, I'm... fine." She rubbed her forehead, the muscles getting tighter. "I'll be okay." She doubted that as the grumbles in her stomach started churning. Black dots started forming in front of her vision, and she gripped the bed.
"Nurse?"
************
Linda groaned as she lifted her hand to her head. She tipped her head to the right, squeezing her eyes, running her fingers to pinch her nose. "What the hell did I ingest?" She whispered loudly to herself.
"It's more like what you didn't ingest."
Her eyes opened to see a very concerned Danny sitting on the chair. She didn't know what to say as she reached for the remote for the bed. She looked down as it slowly moved to a comfortable sitting position. "What happened?"
"You fainted. Your blood sugar's super low. Like, dangerously low... why aren't you eating?"
"I wasn't hungry," she lied. She watched him stand and retrieve something from the counter.
Danny placed a tray in front of her, a thermos full of hot bean soup on it, one of Linda's favorite meals. He plopped a plastic spoon down in front of her.
"I'm not hungry."
Danny shrugged and plopped back on the chair; he looked pissed now. "You're gonna eat the soup. I'm gonna sit here till you eat the damn soup."
"I told you I'm not hungry."
"Eat the soup." When she didn't budge, Danny lowered his voice. "Eat. the. damn. soup."
Linda frowned but reluctantly picked up the spoon. She took a bite, which soon became ten, and before she knew it, half the soup was gonna.
"You wanna Tell me why your blood sugar was at dangerous lows?"
"Don't you have work to do?"
"My job is here. Being a cop pays the bills, but my first priority is always going to be you."
Linda's heart warmed at that statement, and she felt a twinge of guilt in her stomach. She took another bite, "I'm sorry, Danny. I just... I don't think I should eat."
"Why the hell not?"
"Because I need to be punished."
"Why?"
Linda looked down, and barely above a whisper confessed, "because I lost her." It was the first time she had said it out loud. "It was my fault she didn't make it."
Danny stood and sat on the bed, grabbing her hand. He ran a thumb over it, soothing her nerves. "It wasn't your fault, Linda, and even if it was, you shouldn't stop eating. You know it's not healthy."
"You've been skipping meals too." She countered, tipping her chin up.
"I know, and I shouldn't. But I didn't colapse."
She sighed, tears coming to her eyes. "Why did she have to die?"
"I don't know." Danny whispered, looking down at their conjoined hands. "You know I still love you, right? Losing Ella didn't change that. And I think you might need to head both those sentences more often."
Linda managed a grateful smile. "I love you, too... gosh, I don't deserve you."
"I don't deserve you, either, so it's all good."
"How is it all good?" Her tears had stopped and she was eating the soup again.
"They cancel each other out." He noted she looked confused. "Two negatives make a positive, right?"
She nodded, swallowing more soup.
"Then us not deserving each other cancels out, meaning we're perfect for each other." Danny smiled like he had figured out the hardest math equation.
Linda shook her head, "how do you always manage to make me feel better?"
He smirked, shrugging. "Reagan charm?"
"Thank you for taking care of me."
"Part of the honor of being your husband." He kissed her lips, vowing to keep a better eye on her. He had no idea she was so depressed. "Tell you what: let's make a deal. If one of us doesn't eat at least two square meals- lunch and dinner- then we can't have sex that night."
"That wouldn't work," Linda shook her head. "We'd end up having sex anyways, cause we're so damn hot."
He had to smile at that, happy she was getting her humor back. "Okay.... Y'know that night plastic empty jar of cheese balls?"
"Mhmm." She nodded, swallowing the last bite of soup.
"For every meal we miss, we put in fifty cents. And if we think one of us isn't eating, we can nag, alright?"
"Sounds like a plan.... I love you, I really do. You take such good care of me."
"I can take better care of you at home." He smirked and she rolled her eyes. She was going to be alright.