You Are On My Mind

The Thought Makes Me Sick

A/n I've written To Tell Truth from Linda's perspective a bunch of times. But never from Danny's. So here it is:

Danny's phone rang, and he blindly reached over to answer it. Before he could say anything, a deep voice started talking.
"Hello, Detective."
"Who's this?" Danny felt his heart rate rising.
"This is your worst nightmare."
"Come on. Put Lin on the phone." He really hoped the person was just messing with him.
"She's not available right now, and won't be until you decide not to testify against Salazar in the grand jury hearing."
"Who is this? Let me speak to my wife right now!"
"She's kind of pretty. Keep her that way. And, amigo, don't try to find her, or we'll know about it."
"If you hurt one hair on her head, I swear to you... Hello? Hello?!" Danny sighed heavily and put a hand over his mouth, trying not to scream. He turned to the files behind him and punched them multiple times.
"Hey, What gives?" A fellow detective grumbled, annoyed.
"Why don't you do your job?" Danny snapped back.
"Geez." He grumbled and walked away.
"Hey," Jackie briefly looked up. "I heard banging. That was you, wasn't it?"
"Huh?"
The woman scrutinized him: he looked like he had seen a ghost. "You okay?"
"Yeah. Just, uh.... queasy all of-a sudden."
"Do you need some water or something?"
Danny shook his head and sat at his desk. "Let's get back to work."
************
"You want to tell me what's going on?" Jackie almost snapped at her partner. "You bring me here, and then you leave me standing outside. You look like hell. I don't even know what we're doing here. And now you're going to testify against this guy tomorrow. What is happening?" Jackie looked Danny in the eye. "Talk to me."
"I'll tell you outside."
Once outside, Jackie said, "okay. Talk."
Danny sighed and looked to the floor. "Salazar's men.... they got Linda."
"Oh..." Jackie breathed; she was speechless for a moment. She decided on hugging her partner tightly. "We'll find her; I know we will."
Danny pulled away, "yeah." He didn't sound like he believed it.
"We're going to find her. If there's two things you're good at, it's finding people and protecting your wife."
"But I didn't," he countered. "Don't you see? If I had, she wouldn't be in trouble. If I had protected her, she—" he swallowed a tearful lump.
"But you were protecting her-"
"And I failed." An uncomfortable silence hung in the air. "Come on, let's go back to the station."
***********
Danny stared blankly at his computer screen; his head felt heavy, his eyes stung with tears wanting to break free. He kept forcing himself to think positively: you'll find her. You're going to find her..... you have to. At the thought of losing the love of his life, his chest constricted. It felt like an elephant was sitting on it; his throat burned as well, and he knew what was coming. It had happened more times than he cared to admit. He stood and headed towards the exit.
"Where are you going?" Jackie wanted to know.
"Bathroom," Danny barely managed to spit out.
"But, the bath..." she didn't finish her sentence, figuring it would be best just to let him to whatever he was going to do without questions.
The cool April air hit his face as he stepped outside. Danny closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He took another breath, but this one was shaky. The more he tried to calm himself down, the more upset he got. What if he never saw her again? What would happen to him? To the boys?
Danny needed to see her again. He needed to see her smile, hear her laugh, feel her hugs, taste her kisses. He needed her. He felt sick to his stomach; he walked over to the trash can in the alley behind the station. His nerves took over and he threw up bile; there wasn't enough food to throw up, and the bile stung his throat.
"Reagan!" It was Jackie's voice. "Come inside, we got something!"
*************
He could breathe again; he could finally breathe again. He held Linda close for the rest of the day. She told him she was okay- but he knew she was being brave. He knew once they were home- once they were away from all the police officers- she'd break down and cry. He knew he would cry, too; his tears would be a mixture of relief, thankfulness, fear, anger, and self-loathing. Her tears would only be from fear.
"So, uh, I'll leave ya to it." Danny smiled a little sadly, letting Linda have the privacy of a nice bath. He turned to leave when her voice stopped him.
"Danny, wait!"
He turned towards her; at this point, if she wanted chocolates, he'd fly to Switzerland to get them.
"I, uh.... I don't want to be alone. I don't think I'll want to be alone for a long time."
"Aw, baby." He gathered her in a loving hug, letting her cry on his shoulder. He shed some tears as well, vowing never to let her get kidnapped ever again. If she and the boys needed to be moved, he'd get Jamie or Frank or Henry to do it. He wasn't going to trust anyone who wasn't family with her for a very, very long time.