You Are On My Mind

Her Demons

*self harm included*

Linda wasn't listening as Danny rambled on about something. She didn't know if he was talking about his current case or sports or something else entirely.
"Linda?"
At her name, her ears perked up. She slowly realized she had been asked a question. "I'm sorry, Danny. What did you say?"
"I asked what you wanted to do when we got home."
Screw you silly. "Oh, I think I'll just have a hot bubble bath. Y'know, to get the grime off." And the memory.
Danny nodded, "right... gosh, babe, I am so-"
"Danny, it wasn't your fault. You didn't tell those men to kidnap me." Her voice was strong, but inside she was crying. She reached over and grabbed his hand, giving it a squeeze. "I'm okay, really I am. I just want a warm bath and a glass of wine."
Danny brought her hand to his lips, sighing, but managing a small smile.
***********
Linda watched Danny turn the hot water tab on in the bath. He turned to get her some comfy clothes- i.e. his sweats- and walked out to the bedroom. Almost immediately, she turned the temperature higher in the tub. She saw her razor on the edge of the porcelain, subconsciously rubbing her left thigh. The scars were gone now, faded into oblivion, but she remembered them. She remembered when she inflicted them onto her skin. She swallowed and picked up the razor, memories flooding her brain.
"Why- why would you do this?"
"You of all people are asking why?"
"I've never cut myself. You know we don't believe in that."
That had cut deep; he had his own form of self harm.
"Babe?"
Linda slightly jumped, turning around. She saw the rumpled clothes in Danny's arms. "Thanks for the clothes."
He nodded, "I'll just be in there if you want anything." He pointed to the bedroom.
Linda nodded, "I'll be okay."
"Okay." He turned from her, biting his lip. He wasn't going to remind her about her old habits or wounds.
"Danny?" She saw his eyes were darker than usual, "thank you."
He smiled, closing the door behind him.
The water burned Linda's skin as she slid into the tub. She hissed at the contact, but quickly relaxed. Five minutes passed, then ten, then fifteen until she curled her fingers around the pink razor. She pressed the razor to the skin of her thigh, then closed her eyes. She swallowed thickly, bit her lip, and raked the razor across her smooth skin.
Linda hissed as her face heated up further. She gripped the razor tighter, and made another gash. Two more gashes had her feeling a little more calmed down. She would've done more if Danny hadn't loudly knocked on the door.
"You okay in there, baby?"
"I've been in here for fifteen minutes!" She bit her lip. Why did she snap like that?
"Exactly."
"Unlike you, I enjoy baths. It's relaxing."
He could hear the annoyance in her voice, "okay, just checking."
"I'm fine."
He didn't believe that, but left it alone. He had a bad feeling about leaving her alone in there.
***********
Linda looked at Danny sitting on the bed, reading a book he probably wasn't paying much attention. She swallowed and walked to the dresser, pretending to reorganize things in the drawer.
"You did it again, didn't you?"
She closed her eyes tightly, trying to feign innocence. "Di- did what?"
"Sweetheart."
Damn. Linda looked down, "I don't know how else to feel calm." She turned around, tears stinging her eyes. "I'm sorry, but I- I had- I didn't-"
Danny put his book down on the bed, and crossed the room to stand next his wife. He gathered her in his arms, kissing her head. Once her tears were dry, he carried her to the bed. "I need to see it."
She scoffed, "you can't do anything about it."
"It was our deal."
Technically, it was her rule for Danny, but ever since he found out she... he claimed he had a right to hold that rule. "I'm sorry."
"It's okay, honey." He rubbed her shoulder. "Does it hurt?"
She shrugged, suddenly not wanting to talk. "Can we... I just want to forget."
He nodded, continuing to rub her shoulder. "Why don't you take a nap? I'll wake you when we have to go."
"Okay." She got comfortable beneath the comfort. "I'm sorry."
Danny simply kissed her cheek, ruffling her hair. "We'll talk about it later."
************
That night, Danny ended up making love to Linda, showing and telling her how important she was to him. She promised not to do it again, and he promised to help her through the new demons.