I Need You To Fix Me (A Sebastian Stan Story) Book 2

Sleep

It's midnight now and we're sleeping side by side in our bed. I am by the wall and Sebastian on the other. We're facing away from one another, trying desperately to keep our distance. I can hear his peaceful breathing. I miss how our realtionship was a few months ago, we had been in love and that was all we had needed. I am yearning to hold him but he has pushed me away. Who knew love could feel so painful?

"I'm sorry, Valerian." he whispers into the darkness.

I hear him whisper the apology into the night, he thinks I am asleep. I am far too awake to fall into a blissful state of unconsciousness. I hear him exhale a shaky breath before attempting to sleep.

"I'm sorry too." I whisper back, assuming he had fallen asleep.

I hear a small sob escape his lips, which instantly breaks my heart. How can I comfort someone who doesn't want to be comforted?

XOX

He had terrible neck pain from sleeping in such a confined space, his body ached all over, even breathing hurt. At least the promising smell of pancakes was welcoming enough. Opening his tired eyes, Sebastian woke up slightly disorientated. He sat up carefully, unaware that the space beside his was vacant. When he noticed that she was gone, he slipped put of bed and wandered to the kitchen. His eyes widened to the sight of Valerian cooking in the open plan kitchen before him. Slipping out of bed, he yawned unexpectantedly, revealing his awoken presence to the petit brunette.

XOX

I turned towards him, smiling. "Hey."

He sighed, looking exhausted. I noticed that his eyes were red and puffy. Sebastian had been crying all night. How do I know? Because I had been awake until the early hours of the morning listening to him. "Hey."

"Hungry?" I gesture to the plate of freshly made pancakes with a nod of my head.

He nods and sits down on one of the kitchen chairs. I pour him a cup of coffee just the way he likes it. As I watch him eat, I stand there and think that maybe we're going to be okay. Maybe his new tablets aren't going to have the major impact that the doctor has warned us about.

That's when he suddenly breaks down infront of me. His pancakes have been pushed aside and he is crying. His head in his hands. At that moment, I am lost, I have no idea what to do. The feelings of dispair are so overwhelming, I am almost screaming for my iPod. Then, he reaches out to me, like a child does when upset. I rush to him immediately. Reader, as soon as his arms wrap around my waist, I realise that I need him more than he needs me. I need him in my life to give me purpose, I know it sounds stupid but it's true. I love him, I love him so much.

"I'm sorry." he chokes on his sobs. "I'm sorry about everything. I'm sorry for whatever the tablets turn me into. I'm sorry if they make me into such a monster that you can't love me anymore. I'm so sorry about anything I do that hurts you."

I kneel beside him, turning his head to look at me. Gently, with the sleeve of my jumper, I wipe his tears away, letting my own escape and fall. "You," I take a deep breath in. "you could never, ever hurt me. I could never, ever stop loving you. You're my Bucky Barnes and I promise to love you no matter what."

XOX

Usually in films, this is the part where the guy asks the girl to marry him. In my mind, I always that it would go a bit like this:

Sebastian moved his head to the side so he could gaze at the beautiful face of his girlfriend. He loved the way her lips turned up at the corner when she was silently happy. He loved the way her eyes gleamed with mischief every time he and her did something others would deem 'childish'. He loved the way that she made him feel alive inside.

Rolling onto his side, he gently kissed her cheek, still watching her expression. Her eyes widened slightly at the surprise kiss but her smile widened at the sign of affection. "What was that for?" she giggled. Adorable.

"Because I love you."

She rolled onto her side to face him. "I love you too, Seb."

"Val," he took her hand in his, kissing her knuckles. "are you happy?"

Her smile faltered. "Of course, are you?"

He tenderly leaned in and brushed his lips against hers. "Always, especially when you're with me."

This made her giggle more.

"There's something I've been wanting to ask you for months, actually, I planned to ask you the night..." he fell silently at the memory of Jason's last visit. "Val, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I've, I've never felt like this about anyone before. I love everything about you, your smile, your laugh, your wonderful personality. Last night I looked up into the stars and matched each one with a reason why I love you. I was doing great until I ran out of stars. Val, 'I would rather share one lifetime with you than face all the ages of this world alone.' So, I guess what I'm saying is...Valerian Ramona Constance Cassanova, will you do me the great honour of becoming my wife?"

Her hand rose to his cheek, caressing it gently as her mouth made an 'O' shape. "Oh, Sebastian." tears rolled down her cheeks. "Yes, of course, yes I'll marry you!"

Their lips crashed together as they melted into each other's embrace. Sebastian momentarily pulled away, breathing heavily. "'I was just going to say something, but I forgot when I started looking at you.'"

She laughed into his shoulder, wrapping her arms around his neck. "You're such a charmer."

"I'm your charmer."

"Forever."

"Forever."

XOX

In reality, it is a little different.

Place a kiss on his forehead, making a trail down to his jaw, to that jaw I love so much and the to his perfect, pink lips that taste so sweet. Then I move to his neck and suck on his sweet spot, I know how to show him that I love him.

Sebastian pulls me to him, seating my on his lap, my legs either side of him. I fell his hand on my chin, tilting my head towards him. I see a glimpse of beautiful teal blue eyes before his lips meet mine.

I pull him closer to me and gently place my hands on the back of his neck, while his travelled to my waist, drawing me even closer. Our tongues caught in a lustful dance.

When we finally pull away from one another, I suddenly whisper hastily:

" I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I've, I've never felt like this about anyone before. I love everything about you, your smile, your laugh, your wonderful personality. Last night I looked up into the stars and matched each one with a reason why I love you. I was doing great until I ran out of stars. Val, 'I would rather share one lifetime with you than face all the ages of this world alone.' So, I guess what I'm saying is..."

"Will you marry me?" he finishes my sentence.

I stare at him for a moment, unsure whether I should answer or not. He nods for me to. "Yes..." I pause before grinning uncontrollably. "Yes!"

"I'll marry you too, Valerian Cassanova." he kisses me again as I run my fingers through his hair. Is he really going to lose it?

"Celebratory-" before I can even ask him my question, he scoops me into his arms, his lips crashing against mine.

Mmmm, celebratory intimacy...

A/N: Hello, hello! Thank you all for the continued support! Over ten chapters already! Hazzah! :D

QUESTION OF THE DAY: WHAT WOULD YOU SAY TO SEBASTIAN TO COMFORT HIM AFTER HE LOSES HIS HAIR?

ME: IT'S ALL GOING TO BE OKAY.