I Need You To Fix Me (A Sebastian Stan Story) Book 2

Pumpkin (Part Two)

A/N: DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of the Pixar movies or characters mentioned, and I do not own the film Never Let Me Go or the quotes used but I own my OC and plotline. WARNING: CONTAINS TRIGGERS AND LIME.

Dedicated to persephonestarr for the idea.

Sebastian's POV.

Morning arrives once more on Earth, providing warm rays that again creep through the heavy curtains, casting a small amount of light around the large room. Particles of dust filter through the air, becoming visible, no golden, in the bright sunshine.

Like every morning, I begin to stir. My memories of last night hazy, except that I remember the fire, it was difficult not to remember something that caused me great agony.

Despite all of this, all I can think about is Valerian. She fills my senses as she lies beside me.

I love her.

XOX

The Next Day.

She stirs, yawning in such an adorable way. My fiancee smiles at me, sitting up in our bed. I watch her stretch and slip out of the covers. I notice that she is wearing my Captain America t-shirt, the one with the picture of Bucky and Cap fighting crime together. It's so huge on her, it reaches her thighs. I love it when she wears my t-shirts, she looks so sexy and adorable in them.

Valerian walks round to my side of the bed. I notice that when she walks, there is a slight sway to her hips, it's only a small movement but it's definitely there.

She smiles down at me, before leaning down to place a kiss on my lips. My heart skips a beat everything she does this. "I'll go and make us some breakfast. You just stay here and rest, okay? I've got a nice day planned for us."

I love her. I love her. I LOVE HER.

XOX

We're getting married in eleven days and I can't wait. I'm probably more excited than Valerian, although I'm not acting like it. I'm acting like a sulking child. I'm depressed due to my tablets, it's another bad day.

I hate acting like this but I just cannot help it. I hate myself. When Valerian is depressed, she tries not to inflict her pain upon me. Quite the opposite, she hides in her spare room, drawing. I always coax her out of there and let her act however she wants. I however act like I hate the entire world.

Which at this moment in time, I do. Except Valerian because I love her and we're getting married in eleven days.

I am currently sitting on the sofa. looking at the television screen as the story of Martin the fish plays out before me. We're watching 'Finding Nemo'. Correction, we're having a Pixar movie marathon. I am in Hel. And yes, I did mean to spell 'Hel' with one 'l'. 

Sorry, that was rude.

It's not that I don't like 'Finding Nemo', or 'UP', it's just that these films aren't mimicking my mood. I want to watch something dark and angry, not a film about a fish trying to find his son. Hel, if she doesn't change the film I think that I'm going to throw my Captain America teddy at the screen. Yes, I have a Captain America bear. A fan gave it to me. If you've got a problem with it, you can-

Sorry, that was rude. Again.

Valerian looks at me with a worried expression. I think she can sense my bad mood, as she has risen from the settee and is changing 'Finding Nemo' to...wait, is she putting on 'Batman Begins'. She hates that film! I'm serious, she loves Christian Bale (literally loves him. I think that if it had been Christian Bale in Starbucks, she would have tried to flirt with him) but Valerian cannot stand Batman, he creeps her out. Maybe it's the voice, maybe it is the suit. I don't know.

She sits down beside me once more and picks up the remote, pressing play. 

Uh, I love her.

I hate the rest of the World.

XOX

The doctor said that my, uh, sexual drive would dwindle on these tables. So far, that hasn't happened. Thank goodness, I don't know how much more I can have change in my life. I'm waiting for the day that it happens, the day when I don't want to make love (does that sound too explicit?). Anyway, I don't even know why I am talking about this.

I think that I am just rambling about anything that comes to mind. 

Did I mention that I hate the world?

So, we watched our film. I could tell that Valerian wasn't enjoying it but when I insisted that she change it to another film (as long as it was something depressing) she shook her head and allowed me to carrying on watching. She is a saint. Saint Valerian, it sounds perfect, doesn't it?

We're watching 'Never Let Me Go'. I can her snifflinf, I look over at Valerian and find her crying. She's trying to hide her tears from me but there's no denying that she's crying. Despite my foul mood, my heart breaks at this sight. 

Instictively, I wrap my arms around her and pull Valerian to me. I kiss the top of her head and whisper sweet nothings in her ear. My mood swings can wait. "What's the matter, Valerian?"

She shakes her head, her gaze not meeting mine. I desperately need her to look at me. "Valerian, tell me, what's wrong? You're worrying me."

My beautiful fiancee wipes her tears on the back of jumper sleeve, still not speaking to me. Her eyes are fixed on the screen, which is where I focus my gaze.

'I half closed my eyes and imagined this was the spot where everything I'd ever lost since my childhood had washed up, and I was now standing here in front of it, and if I waited long enough, a tiny figure would appear on the horizon across the field and gradually get larger until I'd see it was Tommy, and he'd wave, and maybe even call.'

I realise then that she is thinking about her family. Valerian is thinking about her childhood and what she lost. I suddenly feel sick to the core, why did I have to make her watch this film?! It's all my fault that she is crying. Oh my poor, Valerian.

"I'm so sorry." I whisper into her hair. "I'm so sorry, please forgive me."

"I miss them, Seb. I miss my Mum. I miss my Dad. I miss Mark. I really, really miss Tabitha, I really miss my twin." she breaks down in my arms. "I want them back. I want my family to watch me walk down the aisle. I want my Dad to give me away. I want my brother to meet you, you would have gotten on. I want Tabitha to be my maid-of-honour." she cries further.

Instead of speaking, I just gather her in my arms. I just hold her. That was when she breaks down, her barriers fall and her emotions flood to the surface as tears and howls of anguish. But still I hold her. She screams about how it is 'unfair' and 'why her?!', still he do not let go. I just sat there quietly, cradling her to my chest, trying not to cry myself. Out of all the horrific things that we have both experienced, this is probably the worst. Seeing her like this is the worst thing I have ever seen, I never wanted to see her cry again. I love her so much that I want to spend the rest of my life trying to keep her smiling.

I love her.

XOX

I'm not entirely sure how it happened but one moment she was crying the next...

...the next we're, uh, between the sheets (too crude?).

I'm lying next to her sleeping form, drenched in sweat. I really need a shower but I'm so tired. I lie back heavily on my pillows, breathing in her scent. It surrounds me and fills my senses.

I love her, Reader, I love her so much. I just don't tell her enough.