I Need You To Fix Me (A Sebastian Stan Story) Book 2

Day Four

A/N: I own my OC and plotline. :) WARNING: CONTAINS TRIGGERS.

#WhereIsValerian

Sebastian's POV.

No one has been able to find her. No one. Everyday we return from our search still with no idea where she is. This is my fault, it is all my fault because I was unable to promise Valerian the one thing that was most important to her. My continuation of living. I couldn't promise her that after she died, I would carry on my existance on Earth. I knew that it was important to her for me to say 'yes' and yet I still denied her my promise. And now I am alone. My beautiful angel is wandering the streets or wandering the map of Heaven and I do not know where she is. I cannot tell her that I love her and that I am sorry because I don't know where she is.

Each day I wake up and it is hell. I look at my reflection in our bathroom mirrior and tell myself that it is all my fault. I see the razors in the bathroom cabinet and think...

I can't.

If there is a chance that Valerian is still alive, then I cannot harm myslef because if she found out, she would be so heartbroken and disappointed. I can't.

I am currently lying in our bed, staring at the open window. It is night time now and the stars are out. Valerian loves...loved...loves stars.

The search party are downstairs watching a movie whilst Jeremy and Liam has gone to buy pizza, or something takeout-esque. I would join my friends downstairs but I just want to be left alone in peace.

The silence up here is deafening. I can hear all of my thoughts yelling at me at once, there is nothing to distract me from them. They are all saying the same thing, it is all my fault that she is not here.

I need to block them out, I'm not sure how but I need to. I manouvre myself onto Valerian's side of the bed and open her bedside table's draw. There it is, right where she left it. Her iPod. The sight of it brings a tear to my eye. She usually wouldn't go anywhere without it. I reach inside the table and take the electronic device back to my side of the bed.

I turn it on and Valerian's playlist comes onto the screen. I press play and Amy Winehouse's Valerie starts to play.

I hum along to words. Valerian used to...does still love this song. I remember how she once was making pancakes whilst singing this song. She looked so beautiful.

I have to find her, Reader. I need to know where she is. I need to find her alive. I can't let her die alone. I can't.

Why didn't I just say 'yes'?

A/N: QOTD: WHERE DO YOU THINK VALERIAN HAS GONE?