I Need You To Fix Me (A Sebastian Stan Story) Book 2

Blade

A/N: I do not own TFIOS or the quotes used but I own my OC and plotline. WARNING: CONTAINS SELF-HARM TRIGGERS.

Valerian's POV

21st December 2014

I am home from hospital and I am so happy to be in our house, back in our bed. I've decided that I have had enough of hospitals. I don't care how much I need medical attention, I'm not going back there.

I am currently lying in our bed, reading a book. The Fault In Our Stars. I know that Sebastian has banned this novel from our home but I have managed to seek a copy in. I have realised something, I am Augustus Waters. Sebastian is Hazel Grace and I am Gus. I'm going to die and leave Sebastian.

Huh.

The fault is not in our stars, but in our stomach cancer...

As I sit here and read, I listen out for Sebastian. He is supposed to be making me Chicken soup but for some reason, the house is quiet. I can't hear him. Where is he?

I know that I have been strictly told to remain in bed but I'm too curious to listen. I want to know what my husband-to-be is doing. So, I carefully slip out of bed and grimace in pain. Then carefully, I begin to make my way to the corridor. I pause, listening out for any indication of where Sebastian may be. I can hear a slight rustling coming from the bathroom. At first, I assume that he's taking a shower but then I hear the sobs, they are quiet but definitely there. Why is he crying? Is it something I did?

Walking to the bathroom door, I lean my head against it and listen, I can hear him murmuring. It's faint but I can just about make out what he is saying. "Stupid, stupid, stupid. Look at you, you're pathetic. You can't," there's a shuddering sigh. "you can't even help her." suddenly I realise what is happening.

Sebastian is relapsing.

I try for the handle but the door is locked. The blood drains from my face. Sebastian is locked-in! I pound on the door as loudly as I can. "SEBASTIAN, SEBASTIAN, OPEN UP!" he doesn't. "SEBASTIAN, SEBASTIAN PLEASE! I'M BEGGING YOU, OPEN. THIS. DOOR!" tears pour down my cheeks and my vision blurs.

I quickly run back to the bedroom and grab my charging phone. I dial the first number I can find before returning to the bathroom door.

Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. "Hello?"

I collapse in a heap on the carpeted floor. I curl into a ball with the phone pressed to my ear. "It's Seb...please help." I begin to cru more and more. Harder and harder. I can no longer formulate words. My head hurts and my throat feels dry. I just continue to cry. I can't get him out of the bathroom, I can't stop him. "Sebastian..." I call. "SEBASTIAN." I know that he can hear me but he still doesn't open the door. "Sebastian, please just open the door."

"Valerian, Valerian, we're on our way. Don't worry." the person on the other end of the phone says to me, trying to calm me down.

"Hurry." I whisper.

I end the call. I feel exhausted suddenly. My eyes begin to droop. "Sebastian," I call again. "SEBASTIAN!"

"Val?"

My eyes open and I sit up. "Seb!"

He looks awful. I analyse his face but I am more concerned about his right arm which is bleeding profusely. I don't think that he has hit a vein, the wounds are mainly scratches.

I cry again, pulling him to me. "Oh, Seb. Seb, Seb, my beautiful Sebastian. I'm sorry. I am so sorry. It's okay, it's okay." I cradle him in my arms. "It's gonna be okay. Help is coming, we're gonna be okay. You're gonna be okay." his arms wrap around my waist. "You have saved me. You have, you have. I was lost but you found me. Why did you do this?"

He buries his face in the crook my neck, crying. "I...I just...I just wanted to get rid of the pain. I wanted to forget it."

We cry together in a bleeding mess on the floor. Where are they? I worry. Why aren't they here yet?

"I know, sweetheart, I know. This isn'the answer, though. Hurting yourself...it hurts me too. Oh, Seb. Scarring yourself...I just-" I cannot form a coherant sentence I...I don't know what to say. I want to comfort him but I am lost for words. What would Sebastian say if it was me in his position? “Oh dragostea mea, forgive me please. I'm so sorry. I wish I could just shield you from all of this, kept you wrapped up in your warm duvet and protect you from the world. 'It seems right now that all I've ever done in my life is making my way here to you', but it always seems I'm too late. Frumoasa mea înger, frumos, you are indeed an angel without wings. Adevărata mea dragoste. 'Cel mai bun Iubirea este genul care trezește sufletul și ne face să ajungă pentru mai mult, că plantele un foc în inimile noastre și aduce pace în mințile noastre și asta e ceea ce mi-ai dat.' I love you. Te iubesc.”

I felt him freeze in my arms. He looks up at me, confused. "What did you say?" he whispers, his voice hoarse.

"I've been learning Romanian...I don't know if I said it all right but..." I pause. "I..." I feel more tears rise to the surface. "Oh, îngerul meu rupt. Te rog, te rog opri. Se face pauza inima mea să te văd așa." Oh, my broken angel. Please, please stop. It makes my heart break to see you like this. " Sunteți atât de perfect în ochii mei, dar să faci asta! Te iubesc și totuși să continuați! Sunt nu suficient pentru a te opri?" You are so perfect in my eyes, yet you do this! I love you and yet you continue! Am I not enough to stop you? “'You will have bad times, but they will always wake you up to the stuff you weren’t paying attention to'. Sebastian, you woke me up. You woke me up out of my trance and thanks to you, I know what it is like to be loved.”

"'How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard'." Sebastian whispers, leaning his head on my shoulder. "Sunt atât de obosit, dragostea mea. Vreau doar să dorm." I am so tired, my love. I just want to sleep.

"Stay with me, help is on the way."

"Who did you call?"

"Lee and Indigo."

He sighs. "Dacă spun "scuze", mă vei ierta?" If I say 'sorry', will you forgive me?

"Sunteți deja iertat, dragostea mea." You are already forgiven, my love.

"Am știut din momentul în care te-am cunoscut că nu ești o fată obișnuită." I knew it from the moment I met you that you're not an ordinary girl.

"We're both weird and it is wonderful."