Shadows | Clalec

Chapter 64

Hello again! I am trying my best to upload all of my stories as soon as I can... I am sorry if I am letting you guys wait a long time... My heart literally hurt when I thought that Shadows was deleted... luckily it was just a Wattpad error... I literally cannot believe that we are so close to 70k readers. This is so crazy...
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As soon as I reached the weapon room, I felt like I could finally breathe again. I don't know what was going on with me but I rather didn't speak about. I hoped that Alec would shut his mouth about it too but I guess he would. I mean we had broken up. He lied to me. Why would he even care about all of this? Maybe all of this was triggered by him.

I sighed and took some knives, and put it in my pocket. I took a seraph blade and my eyes travelled to the arrow and bow of Alec's. I was aways fascinated by it somehow. It was so beautifully made and some people had said that it was made by an angel which couldn't be true because an angel hadn't been seen for so long. Some Shadowhunters did not even believe in it.

I saw Isabelle walking inside as well. She gave me an look of "Are you okay?". I just nodded at her and put my finger on my mouth as I looked at Jace. He had no idea about it and I don't think he needs another reason to kill someone. He already had enough rage. He would have seriously hurt Alec if I would have told him now.

Jace wasn't himself anymore. It felt like he was changing day by day. Especially after our mother's death. I don't think he has accepted it all, even after the funeral. I don't think it's sinking in. I don't blame him for it... She raised him and now she was gone... Jace was closer to her than I was and I can't imagine what kind of pain he is going through right now.

He was full of vengeance and I feared that it might take him over... What if revenge is the only thing he is seeking for? What if it consumes him? What will happen then? Worried, I looked away from Isabelle and looked at my brother. The only family I had and I wasn't planning to lose him. I don't know what would happen to me if I were to lose Jace. I would probably never heal from it and my biggest nightmare would come true.

I would be living for vengeance and only spread pain. Just like Jonathan is now. I am afraid that this is his goal. He wants this to happen. He wants me to suffer and he wants me to become just like him... Whatever fantasy he pulled together, he wants to make it come true...

"Are we going?" Jace asked and I nodded. There was no emotion whatsoever on his face. He was truly neutral. He didn't show nothing but I knew that deep inside, he was drowning because of the pain and the anger helped him breathe a little. I think that's why he want to do this. So it makes it easier for him...

"Sure." I said as I stood ready to leave. I don't think that we would face Jonathan. I don't think we would at all... He was always one step ahead of us and we would stay behind, missing out something important and fall back all over again.

I don't know how Jace would react if we truly mess this up. I think that he would have another reason to hate himself.

"Good. Alec is here too. Come on hurry." Jace stated and my heart jumped a little. When I looked up and saw Alec looking at me, I begged the angels that he wouldn't say anything about what had happened.

I knew that I was losing my control over my abilities and I knew that but this was the last thing that Jace needed. He doesn't need to worry about me. I knew I could come over this. I could start controlling it. It wasn't a big deal...

I saw Simon coming from behind Alec and I frowned. What was he doing here?

"Simon?" I asked. I could see the confusion on Alec's face but when he looked behind, the realisation kicked in.

"Jace called me. For back up." Simon said and just gave me a small smile. I looked over at Jace and shook my head. There was no way that I was letting my best friend fight against Jonathan. He will kill him.

"Jace. No." I said without really explaining myself. Jace looked annoyed by my disobedience but I couldn't care less. They hated downworlders. Simon wouldn't make it alive. He didn't get any training or whatsoever.

"The more the merrier." Jace said and I shook my head as I turned myself around towards Simon. He stood now right in front of me which startled me a bit. I think I still had to get used to him... I mean to his vampire abilities...

"It's okay Clary." Simon said and I shook my head.

"It is not okay. You could end up dead. It is not safe for you." I said and Simon sighed.

"She is not wrong about that." I heard Alec saying and I looked at him annoyed. I knew that Alec felt threatened by Simon many times but now I don't understand what his problem is.

"Shut up, Alec." I said annoyed. I could see Simon looking at me confused but I honestly didn't care. His life was more important.

"You lost already so much by just getting involved with me." I said to Simon. No words could explain how guilty I felt that he died and then turned into a vampire. I couldn't progress it... I still couldn't.

"Clary, this is my choice. I won't let you go alone." He said and now it was my time to sigh.

"Disclaimer. She is not going alone." Alec said again and I knew that he was annoyed but again. I couldn't care less how Alec felt.

"I will be fine." Simon said. Totally ignoring what Alec said. I think it amused everyone besides Jace. He was too focused on getting revenge...

"Don't do anything stupid." I said and he nodded. I gave him a small smile. I couldn't help but to feel bad... What if something would happen? Jonathan was always one step ahead of us... If I would lose anyone now, I don't know what I would do. What scared me the most was that I don't know what I would become...