Shadows | Clalec

Chapter 80

Hello babies! I hope everyone is okay! There is just a few chapters before Shadows is going to end... agh I can't wait for you guys to read the ending!
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I stood in my old apartment and I was looking at everything around it. I didn't even live here for a while before I was dragged into the Shadow world and got this responsibility I didn't wanted too. I squeezed my eyes shut and sighed out.

Today was the day...

Today was the day that I was going to face Agramon, my father and brother. Thinking about it made me shake slightly, knowing I had no one else around me than just myself. I was relieved and glad. At least they would be safe.

I was going to end all of it. Even if that meant being killed in the process of it.

I opened my eyes and took one last glance around the apartment before I left it. I was glamoured so the mundanes were not able to see me. I walked around the streets in Brooklyn as if it was going to be my last which I believed was.

I had lost so much. I had hurt people. I met people and... I fell in love. I smiled softly as I thought back of Alec. The man I loved. The man I didn't think would ever care about me the way he did now. I wished that it was different for us. I wished that we could have had the life any normal shadowhunter or mundane would have but unfortunately, I was me and he was him...

I was supposed to meet Jonathan and the rest in Idris. I was lucky that I didn't have to go to Magnus to portal me there. I could do it myself. These past few weeks I have learned to enhance my powers even more, trying to understand them. I trained and trained until my soar feet would make me give up. I bled, sweat and cried but I got through it.

I managed it.

I tried getting back to the institute. I tried returning back to Alec, Jace, Izzy, Simon and Magnus but I couldn't. Every time I was close, I remembered why I left in the first place. I left for them... I left for their safety. I knew that they were trying to find me but all of their efforts were in vain.

I had this rune that made it impossible for anyone to track me down. It made it look like I never existed in the first place. If Alec and I were not parabatai, I bet that everyone would have thought that I was dead. I exhaled sharply as I looked at the people walking around, hardly noticing anything around them. I missed those times when I was like them...

Alec resented me. I could feel it. Our parabatai bond was still strong as the first day we became parabatai. He hated me or he at least tried too but knowing him, he was struggling in his own way...

I created a portal and felt my hair pushing back because of the wind. I sighed as I felt the cold breeze against my skin.

"It's time..." I said softly to myself before walking through the portal. As I reached in Idris, I didn't see anything unusual. Hence why they Shadowhunters thought that everything was okay.

I looked around myself, trying to see something or any kind of signal that would give me a sign that Jonathan, Agramon or Valentine was here. I sighed out of frustration when I didn't see them.

"Who are you looking for?" I heard a sudden voice ask. I froze when I realised that I knew this voice better than anyone else's. I turned myself slowly around and softly gasped when I saw Alec standing in front of me.

"A-Alec?" I stuttered as I felt the tears burning in my eyes. My heart ached seeing him. I didn't even realise how much I have had missed him. Alec's dark hair was covered on his forehead and his blue eyes were staring into mine.

"Clary." He spoke out coldly as if I meant nothing to him. My heart torn apart seeing him like this but who was at fault here? Me. I was trying to protect him by leaving him.

Some tears escaped their ways out of my eyes, sliding down my cheeks as I whimpered softly. Still so shocked to see Alec after such a long while.

He walked closer towards me and I winced as I took a few steps backwards, maintaining the space between us, and shook my head while holding my arms up in order to push his chest if he came just a bit closer to me.

"N-No." I stammered and looked away from him. I didn't wanted this. I didn't wanted him to come back in my life. Not now.

I bet he could feel me denying all of this.

"You know better than anyone that I can't live without you." Alec spoke out quietly as he still stared at me. I bit my underlip, preventing myself from crying as the tears were still streaming down my cheeks uncontrollably.

"I don't care." I muttered underneath my breath. I did care. I cared more than I should. I knew that I was doing the better thing. I was protecting him. Just as he would if he had been in my position.

I rather love him from a distance than loving him and losing him to it.

"Bullshit." He blurted out, holding me now tightly by my shoulders which made me look at him in surprise. His eyes were full of anger and hurt. I was the reason of this.

I was the reason of his suffering.

"I know you do. You can't lie to me. I can sense you." Alec said as he strongly kept on looking me directly in the eye. I sniffed as I didn't look away from him.

I knew that he was right and at this point, lying wouldn't be of any use. He wouldn't believe me. He wouldn't believe me if I had lied to him about not loving him.

"Alec. Just let me go." I said, trying to escape from his grip. He shook his head.

"If you love me, you will not move from here." Alec said and I sighed out.

"Alec." I called him out.

"I am serious, Clary!" He shouted angrily which made me flinch slightly by his sudden outburst. I should have seen it coming.

"I am sorry..." I said softly as I removed his grip from mine. He hurt looked at me as I took a few steps away from him.

"I love you... That's the reason why I am doing this." I said heart broken as I looked at the devastation on Alec's expression. A few tears slipped out of his eyes as he looked at me.

I heard Izzy and Jace coming our way which made me snap out of whatever I was doing at the very moment.

"I am so sorry..." I cried as I walked away from him, leaving him broken behind. I had figured out that he might follow me but when I didn't feel his arms around me, it had meant that he finally gave up.

He finally let me go.

My heart was pounding but most of all, it felt like it shattered into a million pieces. I cried out loud as I walked further away from Alec, disappearing away from everyone. All over again.