Shadows | Clalec

Chapter 67

I hope that all of you are well! How are you guys doing? Are you taking advantage of this time because I certainly am... Three times a week uploading is so not me... I hope you guys still enjoy it because you deserve it!
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I woke up in my bed with a banging headache. I grunted as I touched my head. What was this piercing pain? It took me several minutes to realise what had happened. I challenged Jonathan and he took Jace with him. Not only that, my own powers... They just... What the hell...

I opened my eyes and tried sitting up. That's when I realised that Alec was sitting in my room on a chair, only he was asleep. I stopped and just looked at him. His hair was falling back a bit and it looked like he was truly tired. His chest was going up slowly as it showed his breathing.

I looked away from him. He still broke my heart. He still ruined whatever was going on between us. He ruined it... He broke my trust. He broke all of it... I stood up from my bed and immediately felt my body weaken.

"Wow..." I said softly as I almost lost my balance. I quickly held onto my closet which made a little bit of sound. I could see from the corner of my eye that Alec moved. He was awake.

"Clary?" He asked with his sleepy voice. The sleepy voice I always heard when we slept together. The warmth I felt when we were always together and how safe I felt. Like a shield that would never allow me to get hurt. Little did I know that, that shield was going to hurt me.

"What are you doing?" He asked confused as he stood up and walked towards me. He was standing now in front of me and I managed to balance myself. I looked at him with no emotion in my eyes. 

"Nothing." I replied cold back. I didn't wanted to talk to him rather than in missions when we had to talk. Otherwise, he could stay away.

"Are you okay?" He asked and I laughed.

"Spare me your pity." I said cold back as I pushed him away slightly. I was staggering. I barely had the energy to walk. I felt like I could fall at any moment but I didn't wanted to give Alec a look of that. I was doing just fine without him... 

"Clary. You are not well." Alec said as he turned himself around. He completely ignored my comment that I made which annoyed me even more. 

"I don't care. I am going to search for my brother." I said as I tried leaving my room but I fell onto my knee and I grunted.

"Clary." Alec said quickly as he made it to my way. He touched my thigh and looked into my eyes. I looked at his hands and then looked at him again. He seemed to notice it and he removed his hand. I blinked a few times. 

He helped me get up but I pushed him away.

"I don't need your help." I said as I stood again. Barely. Alec sighed as he looked at me.

"You do. I can feel your pain." He said and I scoffed.

"You won't when I break the bond." I said and I could see Alec looking at me upset but I couldn't care less. He didn't deserve my pity.

"I know you won't break it." He said and I looked at him.

"Are you serious?" I asked angry and he nodded.

"You won't go through that pain. It is unbearable." He said. I felt like he was testing me.

"I can't give a crap about the pain it will cause me!" I shouted. 

"I felt enough of it! I am immune to it!" I shouted again. I could see Alec opening his mouth but he closed it again as if he didn't know what he should say to me and he was damn right about that. He couldn't say anything to me.

"I lost my mother. She was killed in front of me and the guy I loved and buried my soul with, broke my heart in tiny pieces." I said and I could feel the tears burning in my eyes.

"My father and brother are trying to end the entire world. So don't come and tell me that I won't be able to take the pain because I can." I said annoyed.

"I am Clary Fairchild and this was my purpose. When the final battle comes, I will fulfil that." I said as I swallowed away my tears. I could see Alec's guilt on his face and I could see that he was confused at the same time.

"What do you mean?" He asked. I don't know why he was asking me it because he clearly knew what I meant with it.

"I will give my life to end all of this. This is how it will end." I said and shock overwhelmed Alec. I could feel it. He shook his head.

"No. You won't." He said as he came closer to me.

"I won't let you." He said and I laughed again in his face.

"It doesn't matter what you want." I said annoyed as I looked at him. I know each word I said to him was hurting him but at this point I didn't care. 

"Clary..." He said softly as he tried holding my hand. I yanked away my hand from his and I could see the hurt in his eyes... Moreover, I could feel it.

"You don't get to come here and act like you care about me. You broke my heart, Alec." I said and this time, my voice seemed more vulnerable than cold. Alec looked at me and nodded.

"I know that and I am sorry..." He said softly as he kept on looking me in the eye. I shook my head.

"It is not good enough." I said and I meant it. His sorry wouldn't fix anything. I still wouldn't be able to trust him. Not even a little bit... 

"Clary, I know I broke your trust but you got to believe me, I love you more than anything in this messed up world." He said as he touched my cheeks with his massive hands. I didn't stop him. Maybe because I missed his touch or maybe because I just wanted him to do it... I missed him... 

"I know you have no reason to trust me but I love you and I would die for you, Clary." Alec said again as he looked me deeply into my eyes. I looked at him quite shocked. I know through our parabatai bond that he wasn't lying to me... I know...

"So cancel your suicide mission because I swear to the angel, I will come in between of that and I will stop it." He said as he still looked at me. I just looked at him, barely able to say anything to him. 

What I knew for sure was that I wouldn't let him come in between. If I had to, I would lock him up but I wouldn't let him die for me because I still loved him... I still loved him with everything I had and I would gladly die for him just like he would for me...