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27

'We need to talk.'

Then my anger for him returns. My emotions are currently split into two halfs. One half feels bad and guilty for for River and wants to hug him and feel his touch on my bare skin again. The other half wants to rip him appard and make him feel then time worse then I did.

My episode is at this point still going on. My head is aching in pain and I feel my hands bibbering. The tears just start welling up in ly eyes. I am literally about to cry and here I am talking to River. The one who actually causes my episodes these last few months.

'I can't right now', I quikly asnwer. I turn around and almost run into the girls toilets without glancing at River again.

When I enter the toilets, my hands immediately clang against the sink counter. My breathing is heard through the whole room. I keep shaking my head. I close my eyes and a picture of my dad and I together forms in my head. Whit a sad smile, a single tear rolls down my cheeck. I start uncontrollably crying like the complete mess I am. I think about all of the happy memories we had together. My dad looked after me when my mother was no longer there. He did the stuff that mother's are supposed to do like buying me bra's or painting my nails when he was actually so fucking bad at it. He did everything for me and look what I did to him. I let a complete stranger steal a document that send him straight to jail.

I hear the door open behind me. I know it's him just by the way he is breathing. It is awfully quiet in here. My head feel heavy but I still turn towards him. With complete wet eyes our stares meet. He looks at me. But this time I do see some type of sadness in his eyes. He looks like he actually feels bad for me. But he is the reason I feel like this.

Anger takes over me again.
'This is your fault', I breat out.
'Angel I-'
'No this is your fault.'

I walk towards him. My tears have already dried down by this time. I look at him with disbelief in my eyes.

'I actually started to trust you', I say when I am standing right in front of River. He looks down at me with the most guilty eyes ever. And they make me feel something for a quik moment.

I hit his chest suddenly out of the anger I am currently experiencing. I have never felt this mad at someone even when my mother had passed away. The anger in me was unexplainable but it is not just about him sending my dad to jail. It is the fact that he did it, that it was the guy who I have developed feelings for in the last few months. He came into my life and made me question everything and everyone including myself.

I wanted him.

And unfortunately I still do.

'I thought this was something', I move a finger between the two of us.
I hit his chest again while I feel the tears well up again. My eyes are now focused on his chest and my arms that keep hitting him. He doesn't even bulge.

'I lied to Adam because I wanted to protect you. I didn't call the police because I am madly attracted to you. And look where that brought me.'

I inhale. I just say it al. There is no holding back at this point. He already knew by how I kissed him back that night after the party. But this time I couldn't be so dumb to trust him. I sob through the whole room while uncontrollably hitting his chest with my fists. He is still not moving an inch. He just looks at me with these shocked eyes. I don't blame him. I am shocked myself at the sudden outburst of my emotions. But this is what happens during one of my episodes.

He was experiencing one of my episodes.

'Angel please calm down.'

He softly takes a hold of my wrists while his eyes shoot into mine.The tears in my eyes stop rolling down. My throat hurts because of all the shouting. River looks so angelic, just standing there while trying to calm me down. I sigh as I look down at my wrists. His hand perfectly wraps around mine.

'I miss him', I softly whisper. It is almost inaudible. Almost. But River hears it. I can see it in his eyes. They are now a little wider. I wonder if he feels guilty. Or maybe he feels bad about what he did. I would. But it surprises me how I know absolutely nothing about what River feels. He knows what I am feeling and I know absolutely nothing.

'Angel', he whispers. But it's not as soft as before. His voice sounds cold and his hands leave my wrists.
'We need to talk.'

And just like that he doesn't care anymore. As if something switched in him again. I don't understand him at all. One moment he is calminf me down and the other moment he acts like nothing happend and he didn't turn in my dad. I look up at him. My tears are now dry. I go back to my emotionless expression again. My episode is over and I don't have the need to cry anymore. He won't see me this weak again. I shouldn't let him enter my mind again, not when I am trying to push him out of my thoughts.

'We have nothing to talk about', I say as I try to leave the room but River stands in front of the door. He looks down at me with a serious expression plastered on his face.

'Leave my family alone', he finally speaks after a few seconds of silence.
'You hurt my family, and I hurt yours', I talk back at him.
'No you won't', he says with this time slight anger in his voice. I smirk at him. My body slowly comds closer to him. I stand right in front of him. Then I push him out of the way and open the door. I stand in the door opening. I quikly turn ly head in his direction.

Before I smash the door shut, my eyes meet his and I finally answer him.

'Watch me.'