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Love is crazy.

Absolutely insane if you ask me.

Love can make you do crazy things. It can completely control your thoughts and feelings. A person that came into your life out of nowhere, and suddenly means the world to you.

That is love.

For me, that person is River West.

~

My eyes slightly open. I growl a little as I move my body up. The comfortable sheets are still rolled up against me as I move into a sitting position. My back leans against the front of the bed. By now my eyes are completely opened.

I take my surroundings in.

The sunlight enters the room through the huge window. The room looks even better in daylight than at night. It looks just like him, absolutely emotionless and not personal at all. It still feels like he doesn't even live here.

Speaking about River, the heat makes it way to my cheecks as the memories of last night's actions start ti come back. My mind still can not comprehend everything that happened. Yesterday went from an absolute zero to a big ten. It went from hurt to lust.

Everything just happened so fast that it still doesn't feel real. It feels as if my mind is imagining these situations and scenarios. But I can still feel his lips on mine. I can feel the places where he touched me or his heavy breathing on my cheeck.

I bring my fingers up to my lips.

It was real.

It happened.

~

I decide to finally get up after what feels like forever. Yesterday, after our make out session against my car, we had gone inside and I immediately went to sleep as I was extremely embarrassed. The embarrassment is still there. But now I will have to face River again and it fucking freaks me out.

The softness of the sheets against my skin is gone after I get out of the bed. My feet touch the ground and I stretch my arms. By now my eyes have already adjusted to the bright sunlight that fills up the entire room.

I lightly open the door to the hallway. My eyes shoot into the direction of the kitchen and I sigh one last time before making my way out of River's bed room.

My light steps are heard through the hallway. I finally make my way into the kitchen. My eyes drop to the floor when they make contact with a bare chested River. I try to pick up my jaw that drastically dropped to the floor. Before River notices me staring, I adjust myself to this beautiful man in front of me.

Rivers body is beautiful. His waist and arms are really skinny but at the same time he has well defined abs and a sixpack. He is masculine but not too much and somehow it makes me want even more.

But then again I ask myself if he feel the same way. I know for a fact after what happend lash night he has to be at least a little attracted to me as well but I want to know how bad. Is it as bad as my feelings for him where I can bearly not think about him for more than one second.

Or maybe he is using me again ?

I clearly remember his words from last night. But the concern is still there. I really like him, I really do and I don't want to get hurt again. Not after all of the things that went down for the last few months. Not after everything I feel for him righ tnow. The burning sensations I feel at the sight of River is driving me insane. And I wonder if he feels that same feeling.

My morning tiredness has absolutely disappeared now that I am standing face to face with a just woken up River. I murmer a 'goodmorning' to him. If I tell you I have never felt more embarrassed in my entire life.

The redness is already up to my cheecks when I remember his rough touch on my bare skin. I try thinking about something else, anything at this point. Just so that River won't notice how uncomfortable I am right now in this position.

I walk over to the counter while taking him in completly. Besides the exposed abs, nothing really has changed. His hair is a little wet and I am guessing he has already showered. He is wearing black basketball shorts and it is the first he is exposing so much skin. His body is so hot. The exposed abs and legs makes even more desirable. It annoys me because now I will never forget this sight in front of me.

'What do you want for breakfast ?', he finally looks up from the other side of the counter.

'Just coffee please', I say in a somewhat quiet voice. It sounds more like a whisper and I wonder if River has even heard me. One of his eyebrows lift for a split second. Then he leaves whatever he is cooking, and starts walking over to me. That's when the butterflies in my stomach go absolutely wild. My body completely freezes when he keeps taking steps into my direction.

River is towering over me. His body is really close to mine, we are almost touching. His beautifull eyes pierce into mine without hesitation. I still get those shivers whenever he is close to me. I will never be used to it. The burning feeling of desire becomes even more powerfull.

I take one step back while my eyes are still glued to his.

'Why are you so shy all of a sudden ?'

'I'm not shy.'

'Then what is it Angel ?' He asks me and I don't know how to answer him. When I look into his eyes, I see those dark eyes from yesterday. My mind starts drifting back to the intense kiss we shared and it just doesn't stop. It is all I can think about. River is all I can think about.

'Nothing.'

I mentally slap myself for being such a pussy.

He is about to answer me but I cut him off. I think about the first thing that comes up in my mind. Without thinking twice I back away from River towards the door leading back to the hallway. 'Where can I grab a towel ?'

He looks at me with frustrated eyes while sighing. I ignore it.

'In the bathroom is a clean towel, you can use it.'

With a quiet 'thanks' I practically speed walk out of the kitchen, far away from River.

Far away from that burning feeling.

I grab my new clothes and a pair of fresh undergarments . Then I make my way to the big bathroom. As River told before there is a white towel hanging against the shower that is made out of black tinted glass only. I make sure to check the locked door a few times. If River walks in I will lose my shit so it is better to check twice.

So with him still on my mind, I get into the shower.

~

The hot water feels amazing against my bare skin. I close my eyes and focus on my thoughts while trying to get them in order. There is so much going on that I have no idea where to start. Everything in my life is a complete mess right now. This is just a temporary thing. I cannot stay in River's appartement forever. But I am definetly not ready to forgive my dad yet, I don't know if I will ever be able to that.

I don't know if my heart will survive anymore lies.

~

A/N: Thank you so much for 2k reads! 🥺

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