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40

We casually wait for the elevator.

Once the doors slide open, River walks in first and I just follow him without saying a word. We both just stand there with a decent amount of space between us. It is so quiet, I can hear his soft breathing and it drives me crazy but I don't dare to talk.

It's as if River can read my mind as he suddenly speaks once the elevator doors are closed and we are completely alone.

'What are you going to do next ?'
My head turns to him and my eyes pierce in those blue ones. He looks at me with a small interest. He is waiting for my answer and I have no idea what to answer his question what so ever.

'I don't know.'
'What a great plan.'
'If you would be in my place, you wouldn't know what to do either.'
'No I would.'
'And what would you do, may I ask ?'
'You may', he is still looking at me and I don't dare too look away from his intense eyes ', I would listen to what my dad has to say, and then decide wether or not I should stay with him or start my own life without him.'

'You do understand my dad doesn't care about me right ? He is has another daughter that he kept a secret from me and guess where he is right now, with her.'

'I told you from the beginning that he was a bad person, but you decided to get revenge on me instead.'

'No you used me from the beginning and then when he was already in jail you kept saying that he destroyed your life without any explanation at all.'

'And then you went and tried finding out everything yourself, wich also didn't lead to anything good did it ?'

'At least now I know why he never even bothered to take a day of from his oh so busy work to be with me, or why he suddenly had to leave for two days.'

'She is sick, you can't blame him for taking care of her.'

The amount of anger I feel squint trough my veins is unexplainable and I almost bombard into River's body as I turn my whole body in his direction of the elevator. His intense look on me doesn't affect me as hard anymore. I explode.

'What about me ? I am just as human as she is. When I was at the worst place in my life, he didn't bother to take care of me. I am broken and he still doesn't care. Who is gonna take care of me huh ?'

The words just come out and for once I really wished I just held my mouth shut. Again I shared my feelings with River who infact isn't a stranger anymore. He is just as surprised as I am by my own words. Once I explode I say it all in once, all that I have been keeping inside of me for way too long. The things I wanted to scream to my dad, I told River instead and now I deeply regret it.

I take a step back to the preious position I was standing in. My eyes are now lowered to the cold floor. We have almost arrived at the fiftheenth floor where River's appartement is located. The elevator comes to an halt, but before I take a step to leave the elevator and this killing silence, River finally speaks.

'I care', it is almost inaudible but I still hear it. His voice is soft and quiet like velvet. I don't answer, I just turn around to look into his eyes. He doesn't bother to look back at me as he lowers his eyes and walks out of this akward position. I just quietly follow behind him with my backpack placed on my back. We walk through the beautifull designed hallway until River suddenly right in front one of the doors. His hands play with keys before sticking them in the door. The door cracks a little as we both walk into his big income hall. I place my shoes besides the front door right on the side. The hallway is probably the biggest  room in this appartement as it is connected to all the other rooms. The design of the appartement is pretty cold. The hallway is compleatly made out of black marble with white ish stripes, the walls are a perfectly clean white color and there are a lot of plants standing in almost every cornor wich is definetly not something for River.

Once I enter the living room it surprises me how clean it is in here. Now the floor is made out of dark grey wood, there is a big sofa placed that takes most of the space of the small living room in and a huge screen that is placed onto the wall on the other side of the couch with a little white table placed in the middle. On the table are multiple energy drinks placed. But it is still insanely clean and unlike River. It feels like no one even lives in here and I wonder if River actually even spends time in here or he's always out. Probably the second option. 'Why are you looking like that ?' he asks me while sitting down on the couch. He has placed my purse on the ground right besides the sofa. I look at it for a second and then I look at River again.

'It's just so clean in here', I answer him honestly. His mouth form a slight smirk.

'My mom visits almost every other day and she hates it when it is messy in here so she will clean everything until I come back and make a mess again, she just left a few hours ago', he explains to me while slightly giggling. But I don't smile nor laugh, by the mention of his mom my body stiffens and I just go real quiet. River notices it.

'I told her I will be out of town for a week and that she shouldn't come', he starts of and I look up at him again ',I doubt that you really wanna meet her.' I just look at him for a few seconds before simply giving him a 'thanks'. He nods. Then it is quiet again and I feel extremely uncomfortable in this postion just standing there in the big opening between the hallway and living room.

'Are you just going to stand there ?'

'Where can I sleep ?' I ask him while ignoring his question. I feel really akward and all I want to do is just get away from him. He makes me feel so nervous that my hands get all sweaty and my breathing becomes a mess and he isn't even touching me yet. God just the thought about his touch already makes me blush.

'My room, I will sleep on the couch.'

His bed. I will be sleeping in his fucking bed. My heart won't survive that. I had enough of these fucking feelings already and now I will sleep in his bed while I will be surrounded by his smell and things. The thought of that already makes a shiver run down my spine and I wonder how much I will take before just giving in on my feelings. The heat rushes to my cheecks an before River sees me red like a tomato, I nod and grab my purse while walking to the first door I see.

'That's the bathroom', he says while laughing. Of course he knows what type of affect he has on me. Our relationship has been a hella wild rollercoaster that I cannot even start explaining. The amount of shit that has happend between the two of us is beyond surreal but at the end of the day he still means a lot to me even though we never really knew eachoter that well. I caught feelings way too fast and for the wrong person but look where I am right now, in his fucking appartement about to live in here for god knows how long. But this is way better then being home right now and secretly I do want to spend as much time with him as possible.

I fell real hard for him.