Forever and Always

Chapter 17: A Thousand Daggers

        After Eponine finished her story, she felt an odd mingle of relief and fear. Finally, after weeks of hiding and bottling up her secrets from Marius, she had gotten them off her chest. Still, she was afraid of what Marius would think of her. Sure, he had said he would never think badly of her, but she acted so weak and cowardly that day. For God's sake, she had caused her sister's death! Who wouldn't think badly of her after what she had done?

        "Well?" Eponine demanded after a long period of silence. "Do you hate me now? Now that you know the truth?"

        "Ponine..." Marius said weakly, "I don't-- I can't hate you, but... my Lord... I'm just so shocked, that's all. I mean, not at you, but at the situation. I can't believe Azelma is dead."

        "Me neither," Eponine admitted. "I wake up every day thinking--praying-- that I will see her again and it will all turn out to be some horrific dream. But every day, I am disappointed. She is gone and it's all my fault."

        "It's not your fault," Marius protested. "It's your father's fault, and Montparnasse's, not yours. You were as much of a victim as Azelma was."

        "A victim," Eponine repeated. "Thanks. I'm so glad you think of me as 'a victim'," she said sarcastically.

        "That's not what I meant! I know you are not weak and helpless," Marius said. "I'm just trying to tell you that it's not your fault.' Marius paused. He looked hesitant. "Listen, I know how you feel. I understand what it's like to lose a sister."

        "How?" Eponine demanded. " How could you possibly know how this feels?"

        "Because I have felt it too!" Marius cried. "I had a sister named Adalene who eloped with some poor man from the streets. They had no money and starved to death. So I know how it feels to lose a sister, and to blame yourself. I blamed myself for not forcing her to let me give her the money she needed. I struggled for so long without my sister. But you know what happened? You, Ponine. You became like a new sister to me. You were my second chance to act like a good brother. You were my light. So you see, there is still hope. There's always hope, even in the most unlikely of places." Marius put his arm around her and pulled her into what he thought was a comforting hug.

        Despite the fact that her body tingled with warmth when he hugged her, Eponine felt her heart sink to the pit of her stomach. "So that's why?" she said in a low voice, pulling away from him. "That's why you never thought to give me a second glance, why you never treated me as anything but a friend? You think I'm some sort of replacement sister?"

        Marius blinked, obviously taken aback by Eponine's angry outburst. "What are you talking about?" he asked.

        "You just don't get it, do you? You're so oblivious." Eponine felt tears burning in the back of her eyes. "Go away."

        "Ponine, I don't understand."

        "No, no you don't, and that's the problem!" Eponine cried. "I am not your sister!" She turned and ran away.

        "Come back!" Marius pleaded, runnning after her.

        "Leave me alone!" Eponine yelled, still running. She could hear his footsteps hurriedly following her.

        BAM!

        Eponine turned around at the sudden noise. Marius lay on the ground, next to a girl whose basket of apples was spilled all over the ground. He had evidently ran straight into her, knocking them both down. He stood up quickly and held out his hand to the girl. She took his hand and stood up daintily. Only then did Eponine see her face. Her heart dropped like a stone.

        The girl had long golden curls that cascaded down her back like a waterfall. Her cheeks were dimple and rosy. Her emerald green eyes twinkled as she batted her long eyelashes. After all these years, Eponine recognized her. Cosette.

        "I did not see you there, Mademoiselle. Forgive me," Marius said, bowing his head politely.

        Eponine stared at the scene in horror. I did not see you there, Mademoiselle. Forgive me. Those were the first words Marius had ever said to Eponine. Now, he was saying them to some other girl. No, not just some other girl. Cosette, of all people. The way he was looking into Cosette's eyes made Eponine sick. He looked as if nothing else in the world mattered more than this girl who stood before him. There was no doubt of it. Marius had fallen in love with Cosette.

         Judging by the expression on Cosette's face, she felt the same way about him.

        "It's quite all right, Monsieur," she said in a very high, feminine voice. 

        "I made you drop your apples," Marius said, dazed. He seemed to be utterly fascinated by the way Cosette's eyes sparkled in the sunlight.

        "Don't worry about it," Cosette said as Marius scrambled on the ground, picking up apples. He stood up with a bashful grin on his face, placing the apples into the basket. As he did so, his hand brushed hers, ever so gently. Both of their faces turned pink.

        "Thank you, Monsieur," Cosette said.

        "It was my pleasure."

        Eponine turned away from the scene, unable to bear it. Was this even possible? How could Marius, the one boy she loved with all her heart, fall in love with Cosette, the despicable little beggar girl from her childhood?

        Suddenly, someone caught Eponine's eye. A tall inspector with grey hair and a pompous look in his beady black eyes was looming across the street. Javert, Eponine thought.

        That slimy old inspector seemed to have had it in for Eponine ever since the day she slipped from his grasp after being caught helping her father steal money. Now, he would stop at nothing in order to arrest her. Eponine shrank back into the shadows, trying to prevent Javert from seeing her.

        Then, Eponine noticed an old man with kindly eyes across the street. The old man looked very familiar. He seemed to have taken note of Javert's presence as well. The smile fell from his face and he rushed over to where Marius and Cosette were standing.

        "Come, child," the old man said. "We must go now."

        "Oh, but Papa!" Cosette begged. "Please, just a few more minutes?"

        The old man cast a weary glance at Javert. The inspector happen to look over in the old man's direction, and a look of recognition slowly began to form on his face. Javert made a start towards the old man.

        "We are going now!" the old man said more forcefully, pulling on Cosette's hand.

        "Please, Papa--"

        "Now, Cosette!" With that, the old man whisked the girl away, and they were gone.

        If there had ever been any shred of doubt in Eponine's mind as to the girl's identity, it had just vanished. The girl was indeed Cosette, and the old man must have been the one who had paid her parents to take the girl away. Eponine remembered back to all those years ago, when she and Cosette had been children together. Back then, Eponine always wore fancy dresses while Cosette made do with rags. Now, the roles were switched. Look what's become of me, Eponine thought.

        Eponine closed her eyes, remembering the way Marius had looked at Cosette. A look of pure adoration had filled his eyes when he gazed at her. The same look that Eponine had craved from Marius for four long years had been granted to Cosette in a few short minutes.

        Eponine felt as if a thousand daggers had pierced her heart.