Forever and Always

Chapter 33: Falling Apart

        Eponine could not even look at Marius. She was really going to do it. She was going to tell him. What was she thinking? Don't think, she told herself. Just tell him before it's too late.

        "Marius," she said in a barely audible voice. "Watching Enjolras die... It made me realize just how serious this revolution is. Either of us could die at any moment. I don't want to leave anything unsaid with you the way I did with Enjolras." She paused, her heart pounding nervously. "What I want you to know is that... Marius, I have been hopelessly in love with you for the past four years."

        Marius stared at her in a shocked silence. Great, Eponine thought. He probably thinks I'm a complete fool.

        "Before you respond," said Eponine hastily, "I want you to know that I don't expect you to return my feelings. I know that you love Cosette, not me. I just wanted to tell you how I feel before we both die." Then she turned and ran. She ran because she was afraid. She could not bear to hear his response. She could not bear to hear him politely tell her that he loved her, but only as a friend. That he saw her as a sister. That Cosette was the only girl he could ever love. No, she refused to hear his response. She hid behind a broken piano, hoping Marius would not see her.

        "Ponine!" Marius' voice called out. "Come back!"

        Eponine stayed hidden, holding her breath. She listened as Marius called out her name a few more times. Finally, he gave up. Eponine remained in her hiding spot. She felt a few tears slide down her cheeks. Don't cry, she told herself. She bit her lip and held her breath until the tears stopped flowing.

        "Hey, Eponine. What's wrong?"

        Eponine looked up to see Gavroche staring at her with concern in his eyes. He sat down next to her and gave her a comforting hug. "It's all right. You can tell me."

        Eponine took a shaky breath and laid her head against her brother's shoulder. "I'm such a fool, 'Vroche," she said with a sigh.

        "No, you're not!" Gavroche protested. "You're the smartest person I know."

        Eponine gave her brother a grateful smile. "Thank you, 'Vroche. But you are wrong. I have been so blind lately. I could have had a wonderful future with Enjolras. I think I loved him, but now it is too late. I was so blinded by my love for a boy who will never return my feelings that I never saw what an amazing chance I had with Enjolras."

        "Don't dwell on the past," Gavroche advised her. "You can't change what's already been done. It's what you do right now in the present that matters. You can't bring Enjolras back from the dead, but you can nurture the relationships you have now, and realize that you're not alone. I'm here for you. I will always be your brother. And Marius will always be your friend, maybe even more. Stop hiding from him and enjoy the time you have with him."

        "Thanks, 'Vroche," Eponine said, hugging her brother. "You're really wise for your age."

        Gavroche smiled. "What do you expect? I am your brother, after all." He gave Eponine's shoulders an affectionate squeeze, then hurried away.

        Eponine leaned her head back against the piano. She wished she were strong enough to take her brother's advice. Alas, she still blamed herself for Enjolras' death. She still could not muster up the courage to face Marius after admitting her feelings for him. There were too many broken pieces in her that could not be fixed, not even by her brother. She knew Marius would never love her, and she knew that Enjolras would forever haunt her. She looked down at her mangled right hand. Marius was right. She really ought to let Joly take a look at it. However, she couldn't bring herself to accept help, even if it was medical help. She was tough. She could handle a little injury like this by herself. After all, her toughness and independence were all she had left. Without her hard, tough outer shell to hold her together, she would fall apart.