Disconnect || Lee Minhyuk

[ e l e v e n ]

Lee Minhyuk

seeing jisoo and moonbin together made my mood even worse. i now struggled to keep my focus in physics class as i couldn't stop myself from replaying that moment inside my head.

i honestly don't know why i'm being such a loser for hwang jisoo.

sure, she may have a bad temper and was often mean like others would see, but she was also the first girl to approach me during that time i needed someone to accompany me the most.

little did i know, i grew fond of her. we kept meeting each other by chance at the same playground when no one would be around, and we would just spend the night talking.

i thought it was fate.

i did slowly realize that she was not willing to let others know that we knew each other to that extent. she would pretend she didn't know me here in school, and it would hurt me deeply.

i already felt like my parents weren't even proud of me as their son, and it hurts me to have someone like her be ashamed of me too.

she eventually caught sight of moonbin, and probably realized he was more fit for her league. she naturally drifted apart from me, and i didn't know what went wrong.

but she would always blame it on me being too suffocating. i was too much.

maybe i was...

because no girl ever made me feel that way before.

we secretly dated for 8 months, but looking back at it, we didn't have a clear label. so what was i to her? only i knew of her real sides.

she might seem tough on the exterior, but deep inside she was also real and soft. i felt like i could connect to her.

but maybe i hoped there was going to be something real and lasting between us and i clung on to that. it hurts, and i sometimes thought that maybe she was really just like others would see her.

"minhyuk-ah, what's your answer to this problem?" i suddenly heard jooheon's voice ask.

i quickly snapped out of my thoughts, looked at the board, and faced jooheon who was leaning towards me. i realized that our teacher wrote so much already, and even left a seatwork for us to finish while i was busy thinking of jisoo.

"oh.. uh.. i don't know--"

"geez.. what were you busy thinking about anyway? tsk tsk." jooheon shook his head and leaned back away from me.

thankfully, the bell rang which saved me from having to answer the seatwork.

"okay, i'll leave that as your homework instead. class dismissed, you may have your lunch." the teacher said as she walked out of the classroom.

i started fixing my things and taking out my cellphone from my bag.

"you've been lost in deep thought from chemistry to physics class. what's wrong with you?" jooheon stood beside me and wrinkled his forehead in worry.

"nothing... i won't be eating lunch today. i just need time alone somewhere." i spoke without looking at jooheon in the eye.

"fine then." he spoke in a low voice.

i patted jooheon's shoulder and walked out of the classroom impatiently as i decided to head to the rooftop where i knew i could spend some time alone. 

i walked through the corridors at a fast pace, and after a few moments, i finally reached the stairs leading up the rooftop.

because the place was off limits, i had to look around me to make sure no one was seeing me about to go up. seeing that it was finally clear, i rushed upstairs and eventually reached the door opening to the wide spacious rooftop of the school.