Senior Year (End)

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Last chapie of diary entries! (⚠️Trigger warning⚠️)

I finally finished college. And with the people who mattered the most. I had a few bumps along the way in my senior year, but I worked through them and my true friends helped me work through them. We worked through it together.

I'm not over Garroth. Frankly, I never will be. He broke— no, shattered my heart into pieces. Some two small to ever find their place again. When he left me, he took part of my heart with him. I feel as though I will never be whole again. I have loved him for seven years and he threw that love away because work stressed him out.

That's enough of him though, I'm sure whoever is or isn't reading this is wondering, 'what bumps'. Well let's start with that fact that I started self harming myself in more places. I stopped with my thighs and started cutting my wrists. It got bad once so I stopped for a month or so to heal, but then picked back up. I wanted to feel pain, but that doesn't mean I wanted people to know... All I felt was emotional pain, but I needed that pain to leave my heart, so this seemed like my best option.

Katelyn, Luca, K.C., Garroth, Zane, Vylad, Dante, Travis, everyone. They have all ignored me. Not spoken a word to me ever since Garroth broke up with me. It feels almost as though they were friends with me because of Garroth.

Tara, Lucy, Aph, Aaron. They are the only ones I had left, aside from Melissa and Mom, but they are family, not friends. Aaron count as both to me, he has always been there for me, through it all.

But let's move on. I got to an all time low towards the middle of the years. It was like the weight of everything just settled in and crushed me. I was alone in the room, Aph and Tara had gone out to get pizza and I stayed in the room. I didn't consider this until I was alone, the thought hadn't even crossed my mind until that very moment.

I was going to commit suicide.

I wasn't even scared. I was ready. It happened so fast for me, I found Tara's bottle of pain killers for her broken finger. I took them out of her draw and dumped a handful into my palm. I dropped the bottle to the floor and stared at the twenty something pills in my hand and without a second hesitation, I swallowed them all. It was hard without water to help, but I did it and I had no regret in me. It was maybe 10 or 15 minutes before I really started feeling something bad brewing inside me.

Not to long after, I dropped to the floor and vomited. I was on my hands and knees throwing up on the floor. When I finished, I fell onto my back, laying in my own mess. But I didn't care. My stomach was twisting and turning and burning so bad. My whole body became hot, like I had a fever and I could barely keep my eyes open. Just like the last time I attempted, the last thing I saw was someone walking into the room. They dropped what they were holding and screamed, then I blacked out.

Obviously I am okay now. I mean, I'm alive, not okay. When I woke up, they told me they had my stomach pumped and they saved my life.

I'm done writing about that. I don't like remembering it..... But I graduated next to my two best friends and felt some type of happy emotion that day. Aaron helped me pack up my things and I moved in with him permanently, well the type of permanent that means I'm staying with him until I decide to go out on my own. It just means I won't be going back and forth from his house to college anymore.

Aaron encouraged me to look for a job quickly. I wasn't quite top of my class, but Tara and I both excelled in our over summer Law school programs. We were hoping to get a job at a law firm together. I was better at the paperwork side of being a lawyer where Tara was the better physical representative and she was much better at debating. We worked great together and hoped to find a job quickly.

I guess that's all there is to say....

Tah-dah! How did you guys like the diary chapter? I kind of liked them, but for those who didn't.... don't worry they are done now!😂 Thank you all so much for the support I have been getting recently and I hope you all keep enjoying my stories! <3
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