Bittersweet ~ Eremin ~ Modern AU

Chapter 9 - At Least It's a Start

Eren Jaeger (17)
Summer of Rising Junior Year
Wednesday, September 2nd, 5:37 pm

☀️

School is about to start next week for junior year and I'm absolutely dreading it. Summer has always been the best periods in my life. Fall, winter, and spring can fuck themselves.

I didn't have to do summer school thankfully. I just passed my final History test, bumping my grade up just enough. So I got to spend my summer with him and my friends.

No, not the popular friends.

We threw so many parties together. The beach was our prime spot, but on rainy days, we went to other's houses. Mostly mine and Sasha's since we both have pretty cool houses, I don't mean to brag. We all binged shows together, played video games, and just chilled. Of course, some of us had jobs and couldn't hang out 24/7. But we made the best of our time.

I finally convinced Armin to go boogie boarding with Mikasa and I! He's horrible at it, but he had so much fun. It made me happy...

Oh. Connie and Sasha finally got together. No one was surprised. As for Marco, he's been acting weirdly. Head up in the clouds all the time, saying he always has other plans...

The only really horrible thing about my summer was that Zeke came to visit us on my parent's anniversary. I really don't like him... He feels super slimy. He barely comes to see us.

The realization of summer ending kind of hit me hard just now. I just laid sprawled out in my bed as I stared up at my ceiling. The last of our summer sun shone through my window, casting this beautiful, orange-red hues through my blinds.

My gut twisted up into knots, knowing that I'd have to go back to my popular kid facade. I chewed on my lip, thinking about how much I didn't miss their voices. How I didn't miss their pretentious laughter. Their conceited smiles. Their condescending mindsets. I think the only thing genuinely staying with me would be my fashion sense.

I learned those fancy words from Armin. Pretty cool, right?

Damnit... There I go... Thinking about him again.

Mid daydream, I heard a light knock at my door. I groaned and squished my eyes shut, wiping off any unwanted tears that slipped from my eyes. Then I rested the hand on my midriff, the other hand behind my head. "Come in." I reluctantly sighed out, eyes opening back up to my ceiling.

As soon as the door was open, I could just sense who it was. Living with her for such a long time, I was able to learn how everyone in the house walked, how they sneezed, how they opened doors, all these other tips I took note of so I could sneak out of the house. It was Mikasa.

"Well, your energy depleted fast." She closed the door behind her, soon walking over to tower over me. I knew she could tell I was shaken about something. I simply just stared at her, knowing quite well she wasn't going to stop bothering me until I told her what was up. "What do you want?" I asked, not really giving a shit already.

Mikasa glared at the attitude I gave her and sat down on the bed, twisting her torso to face me. "To talk. About you."

"Screw off." I almost immediately said. But her eyes just radiated this determination, not even jaded by my words.

I let out a soft scoff and sealed my eyes, flinching. "Why... is that necessary?"

"It's necessary because you've been acting weirder than usually these past two years. And it's only during school or before school. Just like now." She urged, catching my attention again. "Okay, fine. Yeah, I've got a lot of shit going on up here." I kept beating around the bush, though fully knowing she wouldn't be satisfied with that. But I wanted to leave our conversation there.

She kept staring at me with this expectation, making me lose my mask. My nonchalant, tough guy act. Instead, it showed me. Vulnerable and confused...

She placed her hand on mine, rubbing the top gently like mom used to, causing me to only get weaker. I gave her a sad smile, my eyes closing up at the feeling. "Just tell me what's going on. Whatever it is, it's festering."

My smile was wiped off my face, shaking my head slowly as I took a couple deep breaths. "I hate them. My fucking 'friends." I admitted finally, vagueness clouding my true intentions. I opened my eyes back up to see Mikasa, unsurprised by my words. "I figured as much." She shook her head lightly, pressing her lips in a fine line.

"A-And...-"

But then Armin popped into my head again...

My lips froze, no sound slipping through my lips whatsoever. I fingers curled around the hem of my shirt, feeling sweat accumulating on my forehead. "F-Fuck..." I exhaled, voice warping into a desperate cry.

"He won't get out of my fucking head!" I finally cursed, my agitation exploding through my lips as I sat right up, looking to Mikasa with desperation. "Who..?" She blinked at me, surprised at my sudden explosion.

I broke one of my hands away from my lap and gesticulated towards Armin's house. "H-Him! H-His eyes, his hair, h-his laugh! It's all there. I-I'm not fucking gay, okay? Like, there's no way. But he's still there! And even if he is there in my head, I still want to go see him. All the time. Tell me that's not the description of a drug. I just... I want to-" I stopped myself, not even daring to look at Mikasa.

I scowled at the floor, my breathe quickening from my rant. My hands gripped my knees, arms shaking nervously as I replayed what I had just said. "I-I'm not gay. I'm not gay, Mikasa." I muttered, my head finally falling into my hands to hide my shameful face.

Mikasa sat there, speechless. Her eyes affixed on me, lips parted in awe. It got quite for quite some time, allowing my anger to build up again.

"Eren, I think you m-..." She began, soon stopping. I already knew what she was going to say. I could feel it. My breath quickened, my eyes bulging in a nervous a panic.

I finally uncovered my face and pointed my finger at her, my breath shuttering. "N-No one... Absolutely... no one! Not even him..." I hissed through my cry, trying to send her the message without saying anything more. My whole body moved with my breathing, my heart almost loud enough to hear.

Mikasa's eyes widened, now watching her lips rise up in a slight smile for a second. "It's not funny!" I hissed at her, punching at her shoulder. My sister grunted, her brows furrowing a bit. "I'm not laughing! Can I just be happy for you at least?" She soon got up in my face, showing she wasn't scared of me.

"No!" I yelled a bit louder. I then started to whisper "You can't be. You just... you just can't, okay?!"

Mikasa shook her head disapprovingly, bringing me into a tight hug. "Mikasa-"

"Shut up and hug me." She hissed, her hands cradling my upper back.

I sighed and wrapped my arms around her waist, letting my hands overlap each other. Oh, no... No, no, no. You aren't going to cry on your sister! But it was too late. I let myself go entirely, silently sobbing against her. I'm such a crybaby...

Mikasa kept her promise in not saying a word, that's for sure. Even though she's consoling me, she was silent. Back rubs were all I really needed anyways.

"I love you no matter what. And I'm going to be happy for you. I don't care if your straight, gay, or whatever. I'm sorry you're feeling so lost with yourself. But, as cliche as it is, listen to what your gut is telling you. I'll still love you." She softly whispered. Looking around as if I was worried someone would hear, I muttered "I love you too..."