Bittersweet ~ Eremin ~ Modern AU

Chapter 14 - Dormant

Armin Arlert (16)
Fall of Junior Year
Friday, October 30th, 6:27 pm

🍁

   Seventeen days, now. Seventeen days since my letter was posted. Seventeen days since Eren stopped talked. I have lost all motivation. I don't want to draw. I don't want to do gymnastics. I don't want to leave my bed. I want to live in my oversized hoodie and sweatpants forever.

   I want to just lay here. Not feel anything. Drown in the silence hoping that maybe I'll get out of bed by my own volition and not be dragged out by my grandfather. Papa is really trying to comfort me. Mikasa too. But the consoling just goes right through me... I don't know why. I hate relating this empty feeling to the feeling I got when my parents died, but I can't really describe it any better.

   Eren, no matter as a lover or best friend, has always been my family. And now he's chosen to remove himself from my life. Is this how he felt when his dad passed away..? This... this anger just festering inside, wanting to crawl out and engulf anyone in it's path? Because that's what I feel. I feel bitter. And lost.

   But overall, depressed.

   Nothing new in that department.

   Mikasa has checked up on me multiple times today. I hate giving her half-assed replies, but I really just don't want to talk. I'm hoping if I lay here long enough, I'll just dissolve. Maybe evaporate. Fade away.

   But one text especially caught my eye.

   "Just checking up on you. Halloween is tomorrow! I know you've been excited for the fair and I wanted to ask you if you could maybe be my date out tomorrow night? If you're not feeling up to it, that's fine. But I just think you should probably try and get out of the house for a bit."

   My eyes skimmed through the message, retaining little information except the date part. That encouraged me to try and take this seriously.

   "Get out of the house..?" I muttered to myself. Every time I get out of the house, it's to go to school as a zombie. That is if I motivate myself enough to get up in the first place. Stepping on school grounds is practically a death sentence. A battle zone.

   "You know what? Yeah..." I gulped, immediately typing 'I'll go' and sent the message before I second guessed. My fate is sealed. No turning back. I can't just lay here for ever.

   "Great! Trust me honey. I'm going to spoil you with love tomorrow!!" She replied, tagging on a few heart emojis to the end.

   I turned my phone off and rolled on to my back, staring back at the ceiling. I've been looking at this popcorn ceiling for so long that I swear, I could see faces. I started to slowly plan out what I was going to wear. If I'm going out, I'm going out with a bang. I need to get myself out of this grave I dug. I need to take the first step in trying to get better. Put some effort in. Or else, I'm going to sleep my life away as a depressed little mush.

Saturday, October 31st, 7:21pm
🎃Halloween🎃

🍁

   The carnival completely changed the look of the boardwalk. It took up half of the huge parking lot, which was quite inconvenient for people driving here. But other than that, it was great.

   I'll admit, it's lost it's luster over the years and the hype of going has died down in age. But the glow of the orange and purple lights thrilled me. It just made the mood so warm and spooky.

   Most of the scares in the carnival were just people walking around in costumes. Gore, special effects, vampires, clowns, y'know... The usual. The scare factor kind of died down when all the OG scarers got too old. This place used to be legitimately frightening. So frightening that parents sent complaints about how it was a bit over the top. That or my tiny child self was just afraid of everything.

   But hey. I'll still go to these things. No one really goes here anymore anyways. Usually nerds like me. Nerds like Connie, Sasha, Marco, and Ere-

   Oh... right. Him...

   "Well, where do you want to head first?" The raven haired girl beamed at me, all dressed up in a gothic like outfit. Yes, both Eren and Mikasa had gothic phases. Mikasa is still kinda in it. At least more than Eren. But she always goes full out gothic for Halloween. She kinda reminds me of Lydia from that old horror comedy, Beetlejuice.

   Oh yeah... That movie got a musical adaptation recently! It was okay...

   As for me, I managed to gather up a pretty cool retro 80's outfit. I wore a short sleeved flannel that had a black background, weird curvy shapes colored hot pink, dark purple, mustard orange, and a little bit of cyan. Black, high-rise jeans tucked my shirt down and was held up by a white belt. On my feet, I wore red converse. My hair was pulled back in a half down, half up look. And I had my nearly empty school backpack on just to carry a few things like my wallet and journal. I felt pretty good...

   Oh right! Mikasa asked me what we should do. "Fried dough. We need the fried dough." I immediately said, looking around for a stand that could possibility sell my desired treat. "And a huge cup of that lemonade that's way too sweet because they don't care about your drink and just want your money. Yeah... that kind..."

   Mikasa blinked at me, looking awfully surprised. "Wow, okay. Man with a plan!" She chuckled, grabbing my hand and running off with me.

•••

   A few bad ring tosses and dart throwing games later, we were both starting to focus more on talking. I definitely had to get out of my shell more and held some pretty good conversations with her. None of them concerned Eren or what's gone on this month.

   Just us talking, meandering along the boardwalk of trick or treating kids. Orange and purple glowing lights danced around us, the Ghostbuster's theme blaring out to accompany the screams that bellowed from the haunted house. I couldn't help but shiver.

   Mikasa chuckled knowingly and said "Wanna give it a run through?" She gestured the the haunted house.

   "N-No, no. Not really in the mood. I'll pee myself, given how I drank three quarters of this already." I chuckled lightly, shaking the large cup of what really ended up to be a bunch of ice.

   Yeaaah... I fibbed a little. It's all gone. Who needs sleep anyways?

   "There's a bathroom riiight up ahead. How about we make a pit stop?" She suggested, bouncing up and down a bit.

   "Fine, okay." I groaned, walking a bit faster since I actually really had to go...

   "Phew! Good! I might piss myself!" Mikasa started to jog over, causing me to chase after. I convinced her in getting a large lemonade too.

   The bathrooms were disgusting. Thin toilet paper littered the water filled, muddy ground. And it smelled like ass. God, I hate public bathrooms. Thank god the line was short. Now that's a miracle.