Noah Baker || ✔

32

32 | Tears only for You
Song: Heavy
By: Dizzy

November 14, 2018

Noah's POV

His cold touch sent shivers down my spine, making me let out a gasp.

His hands trailing every part of my body whilst bringing me closer.

"I've always wanted you, Noah"

My eyes widened, sitting up on my bed, I panted hard. My shirt, damp, the part on my bed where I was lying, damp with salty sweat. Looking forward, I sighed, bringing my hand up to pull my hair out of my sweaty face. Swinging my legs over to the side, I lean forward, putting my face in my hands, resting my elbows in my knees for support.

Taking in how still and quiet it is right then. I look over at the clock, it's 2:38 am. I sighed again.

"Oh my God.." I said to myself. I'm dreaming about Grayson.

"Sh*t," I said.

What's wrong with me? Why can't I let this go?

I stand up but don't move. I stare at the wall, looking at how smooth it is, how white it is, I let my eyes wander. Even though it's 2 in the morning, I felt like doing something. At my own pace, I very slowly walked towards my bedroom door. Me going turtle pace, I leave my room and just look at my surroundings.

Around I see stairs, my living room from above, and the hallway of the upstairs ahead of me. In the end, was three doors leading to rooms, rooms I don't go in much.

One is a spare bathroom, the other is a guest bedroom and the last one is my mom's old room.

I gulped, slowly walking towards the room. I turn the knob, opening it, I felt a cool smelling wind hit my face. Still smells like mom. I can't believe it.

Stepping onto her white as ever carpet, feeling the softness on the bottoms of my feet, I find myself standing at her dresser. Sitting on top were old pictures of me and her when I was younger.

I mainly looked at her though. She was so pretty. I had the same blue eyes as her back then. Now, mine are hazel.

Her rosy cheeks and perfect skin was my main focus. Now I see where I get it. I've never had bad acne break out or anything, I'd thank her for that if I could. I would.

I moved on to her bathroom. There were still some of her makeup on the counter. Her pink towels still hanged above her shower, her shampoo and conditioner bottles still in their places. Her wedding ring still on her hooks of necklaces. Necklaces that I bought her for Christmas and some birthdays.

I felt my eyes getting glossy so I moved on to her bed.

It was perfectly made like the ones you see in magazines. The blankets folded neatly at the top with many unnecessary pillows.

I slowly sat down, letting my hand glaze over the soft, furry blanket, feeling the texture of it.

It was the bed that really smelled like her perfume. I look up to see another picture of her on her nightstand. Beside that was a glass of water and the pills she used to take for her back daily.

I never had the courage to clear it off, and I still don't.

I stared at the picture.

She looked beautiful in her pictures. You can't deny her beauty.

I stared more and more, looking right into her eyes while mine started to water.

I miss her.

I wish she could tell me what to do.

I need her hugs again.

"Mom," I spoke up, still staring down the picture. "Tell me what to do"

Her lips perfect, her teeth perfect, her hair shiny, her skin glowing.

More tears came out.

I whimper. "I need you, Mom,"

I broke.

Tears streaming down my already red cheeks, me rubbing eyes.

Then I got angry.

"Why did you have to leave me?" My tone new, I bite the inside of my cheek in frustration.

My sleepy mind, out of it.

Obviously, the picture didn't respond because of it a picture. But I got mad.

"Stop smiling and answer me!"

My sudden yell even made me scared of myself and I cried more.

Bringing my face into my hands, more tears come out. Through my hands, I peeked at the picture once again before I fell back onto her bed. My arms rest above my head as I let my tears fall, traveling down my cheeks and onto the blankets.

I sniffled, "I'm sorry, Mom."

I cried harder.

"I wish you were here,"

My breathing uneasy now, having myself to stop crying to clear my nose to breathe. I ended up doing that several times.

"I need you, right now" I cried out.

My voice getting louder than before. My emotional state is mixed with anger, sadness, frustration, irritation.

My eyes getting to the point where it hurts to cry.

"Mom,"

"Come back, please"

I stayed there, balling crying on her bed. I eventually fell asleep around 4 and woke up at 10 with dried tear lines down my cheeks.

My eyes slightly still red and puffy, the irritation fading but could easily  break.

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