Chapter 7
I missed you
I let out a deep breath, again and again, to calm myself.
Hinahaplos ni Aiana ang aking likod kahit may tanong sa kanyang mga mata. Hindi niya naman ako tinatanong, nandiyan lang siya sa tabi ko, nakikiramdam.
"Let's go?" aya ko. Niyaya ko siya sa mas maluwag at sa preskong lugar dito sa loob ng campus para mahimasmasan naman ako. Hindi siya nagreklamo at sumunod lang saakin.
I need air!
Hindi ko rin alam kung bakit hindi ko maopen ang tungkol kay Nicholas sa best friend ko. She's my friend, she should know everything about me.
Siguro epekto na rin na wala akong mapagsabihan sa mga nararamdaman ko kaya naapektuhan ang pag-iisip ko.
But is it really necessary to have someone?
I don't know, but I feel different, these days I'm not me. I'm happy whenever he's with me but when not, I feel lost. I'm too used of his warmth, just him, beside me to the point that cold would welcome me if he's not around.
The sudden rage I felt earlier is now changed in pure pain.
Shit happens, right? And that shit is when I started to lose my sanity.
I let my guard down. This is so unlike me!
Is it really what you call love? To push through even it was already hurting you? Hindi ba ang selfish naman masyado kung ipipilit mo ang sarili mo?
In my train of thought, unconsciously, tears burned my eyes and my lips started to tremble, again.
Hindi ko na mapigilan ang pagyakap kay Aiana na ngayon ay nangangapa lang sa susunod kong mga hakbang. Umiyak lang ako nang umiyak sa bisig niya, madilim na at hindi pa rin kami umaalis ng school.
Nakapagpaalam naman ako sa driver na late ako makakalabas dahil madami pang ginagawa pero ang totoo ay naglalabas lang ako ng bigat at sama ng loob.
She didn't speak, she was just listening to my whole 'crying time'. Perhaps, I looked too fragile that she thinks that speaking could break me anytime soon.
Huminahon na ako at unti-unting bumabalik sa sariling wisyo.
"Bakit parang masakit?" wala sa sarili kong sinabi, "Hindi naman dapat."
The night grew dark and the moon shined bright in darkness. It is ironic to think, that there could be light in darkness.
Umuwi ako nang malungkot at bagsak ang balikat. Wala rin akong gana kumain, pakiramdam ko hangin lang ang laman ng puso at utak ko.
But for the sake of our usual routine, I ate... a bit.
Napansin ni Mommy ang pagkatulala ko. Hindi ko pwede itanggi kung ano ang nararamdaman ko, aaminin ko na malungkot ako kasi 'yun naman ang totoo at halatang halata sa mukha ko 'yon. So what's the point of lying?
"Baby, are you okay?" She said worriedly.
Humugot ako ng hininga at lumunok. Nahirapan pa ako dahil pakiramdam ko ay may bukol na humaharang dito.
My eyes were filling with tears. Ano puro iyak nalang ba?
Tumayo si Mommy at niyakap ako na lalong nagpaiyak saakin. She's my home, and she's my refuge in this world.
Sinuklian ko ang yakap niya at sinubukan doon kumuha ng lakas.
"Mommy..."
"Tell me.. when you are ready.. it's okay..." Malamyos niyang tinig.
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ŞİMDİ OKUDUĞUN
The Wounded One
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