Chasing Reality [sequel to Autistic Innocence -J.M]

Chapter 41

Jason's P.O.V

As I feel myself start to spin back into a really dark and scary place that I had just been able to escape because of my family coming back home- I also feel a body move my arms from my head and slide onto my lap.

Expecting it to be my wife, I try my best to let her know that right now probably wasn't the best time for one of our cuddle sessions.

"A-Ava I-I-I-" I'm cut off by a different voice though.

"Shh daddy, i-it's okay. Y-you're okay now, a-alright? T-they can't h-hurt you and y-you're safe now, okay?" The soft voice is barley heard through my sobs but it's there.

"T-they they-" I'm cut off again by the same voice.

"I know." Was all they had to say for me to just shut up and nod slightly before gripping on to them.

"Y-you're safe n-now. I promise. W-we love y-you so m-much." She whispered into my shoulder as she rubbed my back.

If you would've told me a year ago that I would have been a sobbing, uncontrollable mess in front of my entire family with my seventeen year old survivor daughter being the one to comfort me after I experienced one of the same exact situations she's been in when she was little, I would have told you to shut the fuck up and get out my face before I beat your ass.

But here I am.

Letting my daughter comfort me in what I consider to be my weakest moment I've ever been through in my entire life.

"I-they-" she cut me off again.

"It's alright, they're g-gone now and you're here with u-us. We're n-not going anywhere. I promise. We'll protect you."

And I knew it sounded silly but..

I believed in her words more than anything in me. 

************

Chance's P.O.V

As I sat there, staring down at the grave in front of me, I felt as if I couldn't find the right words to say.

I clear my throat.

"Hey Rose," I clear my throat again.

And again.

Before I continue to speak.

"How you feeling huh? I miss you girl." I chuckle lightly and wipe my mouth with my hands out of nerves.

"It's been about a year now, almost two actually." I take a deep breath. "And this shit just hurts more and more." My voice cracks.

"I know I haven't been able to visit in a minute but I been busy. I'll try to bring Deejay out here soon though, he misses you too." I add. "Mama been a mess and kicked us out Rose. She kicked me and Deejay out because of her own abusive ass little boyfriend. She chose him over us," I take a sharp inhale of breath and glance around in an attempt to keep my emotions in check and not all over the place. "Anyways, I guess that'll be a story for a different day. I just wanted to come check on you, yeah?" I reach over and dust some of the dirt off the top of the tombstone with my hand before dusting my hands off by rubbing them together.

"And I also came for some advice man," I force a small laugh out. "Or a sign. However you be doing things where you at." I shrug playfully as if she's right in front of me. "But umm, there's this girl.. I think you'd like her, her name is Camilla and she was my 'best friend'," I use quotation marks and roll my eyes playfully again.

"But I think I've always kind of wanted it to be something deeper than that, you know? Of course you do- you know everything." I shake my head. "But yeah, I think I really fucked up. She was going through some shit and I was going through some shit and I think we just took it out on each other when we- I- should've just listened. I know that I got problems but that don't mean she ain't got problems too, huh? I should've just kept my shit to myself and listened to her. Ima dumbass." I sigh and pick at the grass and gravel beneath my feet.

"I fucking left her and she didn't deserve that. But then again by leaving I think I did a somewhat good thing, this way she'll stay safe and away from me. Because you know what? Word on the street is that Clarence is back. I don't know how or fucking why but he is. And I need to deal with him before anything else." I groan and look up the sky, the sun shining down on me making me squint back up at it.

I glance down at my phone and see that it's almost time pick up Deejay from school.

I groan as I bring myself to my feet but squat down in front of the dark grey stone so I was leveled with it.

"I gotta go get Deejay now, aight? I'll try to bring him by this weekend to see you. I was gon bring you some flowers, but I thought you'd like this one a lot more," I mumble as I bring the rose from the pocket in my hoodie and set I down carefully by the picture we had placed there the day she was buried.

"That's from Bubba, he wandered on over to the house the other day and brought that for you. He forgot where you was," I force another chuckle from my lips as I feel my eyes well up with tears.

"But I didn't, aight? I ain't forget where you was. Cause you're right here. And ain't nothing ever gon change that, aight?" I whisper as I touch the place in my chest where my heart is located.

"I fucking miss you man," I sniffle. "And I'm so fucking tired of crying." I wipe at my eyes to try to stop the tears from falling but it was no use.

"I need you here. You'd know what to do and none of this would be happening right now. We'd still be a fucking family and none of this bullshit would even exists." I cry.

My phone alarm goes off that tells me it's time to start heading to Deejay's school before I'm late to pick him up.

I cut if off and as I stand up I stare back down at the polished stone in front of me.

My lip quivers as I try to keep myself from letting go completely and allow a couple of tears to fall from my eyes.

"I love you Rose, alright? And ima make all this right again, believe that. You didn't deserve what happened to you and I-I know it was m-my fault but ima fix it, okay?" I suck my bottom lip into my mouth and bite down on it.

Through teary eyes and a broken heart, I force myself to turn away from the tombstone and walk towards the exit of the cemetery so I could go pick up my little brother.

As I walk out the small black gate, I take one last glance at the person who died because of me. The person I loved most in the world and is now gone. Arguable my favorite person before her life was snatched away from her.

My sister.

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So what'd y'all think ??

And what are y'all doing this quarantine ??

Because I've been stressing about online classes and failing statistics 🙂

Anywayssss I been going through some shit lately but I gotta realize how blessed I still am and how there are people out there who have it WAY worse than me.

Soo... just stay safe and spread love!!!

~Jazmine. 💞