To Feel What I Feel

Circle of Therapy

I recently got therapy and peer support. And im not impressed. The peer supporter just tells me to reach out to my sis whenever i'm critically honest about anything like suicide or self harm. Even though i keep mentioning that i'm not going to share everything with her because i've witnessed it hurting my sister. And i don't want to keep burdening her with my forever enduring thoughts that's why i have a therapist in the first place. Then the second crazy batshit idea is that i need to have 'hope' no matter how betrayed i feel of being hurt before. And whenever im down, i need to reach out whether im confident enough or not. 

So she doesnt really listen to me. Anyways the last time i talked to her i said i felt suicidal but 'dw im too coward to do anything.' because i am. And she told on me to my therapist which i can understand kind of but then my therapist called my sister. And even though it was nice of my sis to care enough to talk with me. I thought our talk would be confidential. And now i won't talk about everything without it getting passed around. I'm apparently too burdened to be treated equally. They should just lock me up in a psych ward and erase the problem of me.