To Feel What I Feel

Means to Love me

"Just accept me!" I scream at my dad. He squints his eyes but asks the same question.

"What were you doing in your room?"

"I was just writing." I admit, leveling my gaze.

"Writing what?" he points.

"Just stuff." I mutter, looking away.

"What stuff?" he says with an harder voice.

"I just write about Dean and Sam. And other Leaders of the Order." I say.

"Leaders of the Order? What is that?" dad spits. 

"Well, its just-what would I do in a tough situation?"

"What?" he snips.

"If I was handed a gun and told to shoot someone, would I?"

"Would you?" he asks back. I smile.

"I would not. That means that I choose peace/order besides chaos/war. That I'd offer my life for that person on target." I explain.

"Ok?" dad says, still confused. "So, what are Leaders of the Order?" dad asks, again.

"They're people that other people follow. Someone I could stand behind or fight beside." I explain.

"And are you one?" 

"Yah, I believe so." I admit.

"I'm not so sure." dad snaps, grabbing my wrist. "This is just a game, but what I'm saying is not a game, Sarah! So, stop being crazy for once, and maybe think of others for a change!"

"I'm not crazy. It's just a point of view, a way of looking at things, differently."

"Why can't you try to be like everyone else, normal? Is that too much to ask?"

"Only when I have to change." I say, softly.

"Well, maybe, you should be the one to change."

"I shouldn't have to do anything." I exclaim, pulling away with no luck.

"You should obey me because I'm your dad." dad barks, in my face.